The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins is a self-help book, urging people to take action by using a 5 second countdown trick.
What is The 5 Second Rule?
The 5 Second Rule is a “metacognition technique” that improves your sense of self, your life, career, health.
The principle of The 5 Second Rule is the following:
“The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.” At 1, you should be moving.
Where does The 5 Second Rule come from?
The principle of The 5 Second Rule comes from the combination of two thoughts:
- Mel Robbins, while feeling she failed at life, realized that she would take only 5 seconds to talk herself out of waking up in the morning, out of improving and doing the right thing.
- One night, while watching TV, Mel Robbins also made the observation that a rocket launches after a 5 second countdown. Afterwards, she would launch herself out of bed, the same way the rocket would launch into space.
What are the benefits of The 5 Second Rule?
The 5 Second Rule is an empowering thought process. Through this principle, you are able to experience freedom and quiet your mind.
The 5 Second Rule enables you to trust your instincts, to take back control of your life, to make the right decisions.
Among its various applications, you will have the ability to improve your health, focus on the essentials, increase your productivity, break procrastination, avoid distractions, be authentic, replace your bad habits with good ones, get up early and start your routine early in the morning.
The 5 Second Rule is a tool that drives courage in difficult times and builds “Real Confidence”. It pushes you to act and to change.
What about courage?
According to Mel Robbins, when trying to change, when facing something that is uncertain, unknown, that scares you or makes you hesitate, your brain feels like something is wrong.
Your mind will then stop the change process and trap you with your own thoughts.
Courage, your birthright, is therefore required to push you forward and to implement change.
The 5 Second Rule will give you the courage you need to go after what you really want, to have a more fulfilling life and to not give in to your fears.
In addition, it is detrimental for you to stop making excuses for not acting on your instincts. Your excuses are always wrong and there is no right time.
No external factor will validate your choices and your ideas. Only putting yourself out there and getting out your comfort zone will.
What about confidence?
Confidence is a skill which means it is a learnt behavior. In fact, your confidence has nothing to do with your personality and will increase every time you step out of your comfort zone.
Your everyday courage will help you assess your own worth, build up your confidence, connect with yourself, find your true passion, build meaningful relationships, and meet new people.
Your everyday courage gives you the confidence to explore and makes you realize that the power you need was inside of you all along.
In appearance, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins, looks like a time management book that provides quick short-term fixes.
However, in reality, The 5 Second Rule is a transformational tool, delivering long-term results.
It is written for people who are plagued by fear, who want to change and take charge of their lives but don’t know how to. Change is difficult because it requires courage and confidence.
Furthermore, The 5 Second Rule can be customized to your liking. It enables you to:
- Work on your confidence and your courage.
- Stop overthinking, worrying and magnifying problems.
- Trust your guts and honor your instincts.
- Stop hesitating and holding yourself back.
- Become more present and acquire patience.
- Start performing and to become more goal-oriented.
- Control your emotions, fight mental illnesses and bad mental habits.
- Take ownership of your life and start the transformation process.
The 5 Second Rule is a principle that we already intuitively and intrinsically know. But, after years of research, Mel Robbins coherently put these ideas together.
Mel Robbins also shares poignant quotes, real examples and testimonials of people who have used The 5 Second Rule for diverse reasons.
The 5 Second Rule is life changing, encouraging, motivational and inspirational. It shows you how to change for the better.
That’s what you are doing when you use the Rule. You are honoring yourself. You are championing your ideas. And each time you use it, you take one step closer to being the person you are truly meant to be.
Doing the work to improve your life is simple, you can do it, and it’s work you want to do—because it’s the most important work that there is. It is the work of learning how to love and trust yourself enough to stop waiting and to start leaning into all the magic, opportunity, and joy that your life, work, and relationships have to offer.
When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.
The difference between people who make their dreams come true and those of us who don’t is just one thing: the courage to start and the discipline to keep going.
Being a great leader depends on how well they know themselves. Leaders must make sure that they are self-aware, clearly communicate their goals and expectations, reach their goals, set high standards, expect quality work and meet deadlines, demonstrate that all their team members matter, show gratitude, don’t settle and spend time with their team.
Needless to say, a little introspection is required from time to time.
Wondering how do you become the best version of yourself?
Sometimes, we end up in or go after leadership positions but don’t understand why or how we got there.
It is always important to assess our goals, values and purpose every step of the way.
1) What does leadership mean to you?
Leadership encapsulates different concepts and key competencies.
For most, leadership is the ability to wheel power, to influence people positively in order to be successful, to bring like-minded individuals together towards a common goal or vision and to translate that vision into reality.
In order to be effective you must figure out what leadership means to you.
2) Why do you want to be a leader? What is your purpose in life?
Most people want to lead because they see themselves in power, in control, with status and doing whatever they want.
However, leaders are always held accountable for their actions, have to serve as models and have to exhibit exemplary behavior.
Without an ethical purpose in mind, they will not be able to sustain their role very long.
If you weren’t a leader, what would you do? What career would you pursue?
Do you have sufficient resources to achieve your goals and yourself?
Leaders must find at least one field in which they excel. This will develop their credibility, their confidence and will help you be of assistance to people in need.
4) What are your core values?
If your leadership roles don’t correspond to your values, it is time to rethink your career.
5) How do you center yourself?
Learning to center yourself, to choose peace of mind requires that you acquire new healthy habits and that you question your thoughts that most often are an illusion or distorted memories.
Figure out how to preserve your time and energy, how to ensure your growth, how to continually improve as a person, and how to boost your leadership self-esteem?
6) Can you grow within your role and responsibilities?
Some people get into positions to please their families, impress their friends or flatter their own egos.
A job or a role in which you feel boxed in is frustrating, leaves little space for you to develop your skills or maximize your strengths.
7) How do you wish to impact the world and the people around you?
As a leader, you must project yourself in the future and visualize the legacy that you want to leave.
8) Do you walk the talk?
It actually goes a long way and projects more authority and credibility than a title or a position would.
Furthermore, the team you lead, the environment that you work in is a direct reflection of you. If you want a trusting workplace, be trustworthy.
9) Are you open to learn?
Being open to learn and to explore is detrimental to success.
To start the learning process, you can read books, take trainings and classes, and talk to people who are in positions that you aspire to.
Furthermore, you must understand that if you seek knowledge, you will never fully be an expert.
Creating work-life balance is not giving equal attention to both work and life.
But, it means that you are satisfied with your contributions to your life and work, that you are able to create a sustainable synergy between both so that you are fueled by them on a daily basis.
To do so, you must focus on the vital few and not let your career affect your personal life and vice versa.
11) Are you self-interested or committed to the collective good?
We choose a certain career because our ever-changing needs and desires align with that particular career but not necessarily with the collective good.
In the leadership position, there is a huge discrepancy between hiring the right person with the right competencies for the job, between hiring someone with lesser competencies to feel unthreatened, between hiring someone to serve you and caress your ego.
There is also a difference between wanting the organization to succeed, wanting the team and the project to shine, and taking all the credit for someone else’s work.
12) What is your favorite leadership style?
Leadership style refers to the way that the leader interacts with his or her employees, influences their behavior, motivates them, make decisions for them and for the organization.
A specific leadership style can deeply influence the quality of work, the levels of commitment, the work satisfaction of both leader and employees.
13) Are you emotionally intelligent?
We cannot control everything in our life.
However, we can control how we react to different situations, how we see ourselves and who we aspire to be.
14) Are you able to solve conflicts effectively?
Leaders must be able to anticipate problems and implement solutions for the future. What strategies do you apply? How do you handle bad news? How do you set boundaries? Do you encourage dissension?
15) Do you have interpersonal skills?
There are several components to leadership. One of them is building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Leaders are responsible for the people they hire and the people that they lead. How do you build your team?
Cultural sensitivity is being aware that everyone is different.
It means being able to learn from different people, to understand their backgrounds, to collaborate and cooperate with them, without being judgmental.
17) When have you failed, how have you recovered yourself and what have you learned about yourself then?
Failures don’t directly lead to success but it can show you the way. It is best when your mistakes come to light rather than going unnoticed.
18) What are your greatest achievements as a leader and as a follower?
It is important to recall the time you have succeeded and demonstrated great leadership.
The memory of past success will serve you right when you face challenges. If you did it once, then you can do it again.
19) Are you able to direct someone else towards success?
It is similar to tutorship, to parenthood, to partnership, or to an alliance.
As a leader, your behavior in pressure moments impacts those around you and can predict their performance.
22) How do you solve problems and make sound decisions?
The ability to anticipate, to solve problems, to make quick and sound decisions will determine the success of a leader.
23) How do you motivate others? Can you communicate your visions successfully?
Effective communication skills will improve your leadership credibility, your self-confidence, your relationships with others, your feelings of belonging and will decrease your stress level.
Using those skills, leaders should be pushing a vision for their life, for their family or their organization and it shouldn’t matter whether they have the right relationships, enough money, enough favors, or have hired people with the desired skill set.
24) Are you organized and can you meet deadlines?
Being organized, methodical, pragmatic will help you gain a sense of satisfaction and will increase your chances of success.
25) Who do you look up to?
It is critical to have a role model who will help you improve, achieve your goals and will show you your life purpose.
Your role model is authentic, relatable and can be a family member, a friend in your entourage or someone you barely know.
26) Can you handle change?
Leaders must visibly act out the change, must be ready to do things differently and to think otherwise.
27) What do you hate the most and will not stand for?
You can’t always find out what you like but life has a funny way of putting you in front of the things that you hate the most.
28) Can you accept criticism from others?
Accepting criticism implies that you are able to listen, accept people point of view and give feedback as well.
29) Are you becoming too complacent?
30) What do you want to improve on?
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explains the reasons why we are afraid of being vulnerable, the different ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability, and how to become more vulnerable in our society.
Daring Greatly means being vulnerable, being engaged, being exposed and avoiding being perfect.
A Narcissistic Society
Many researchers have shown that the American culture has turned into a narcissistic influenced culture, a culture of scarcity, a culture where people put themselves first, think that they are special, are always connected to social media, go after money and power, chase beauty and other vanity, compare themselves, are disengaged and concerned with the idea of lacking.
Instead of putting sown narcissistic people and showing them that they are not special, it is better to seek understanding and find the root of the problem.
Being narcissistic stems from a feeling of not being enough and of being ordinary.
Vulnerability & The Feeling Of Not Being Enough
The feeling of not being enough brings about shame and stops us from being vulnerable. Shame is a universal emotion, is corrosive, “keeps us small, resentful and afraid”.
Furthermore, we become disengaged when we are too afraid to be vulnerable, when we are ashamed, when we lack purpose, when a social contract is not met.
It is critical to speak out on your shame, to be self-aware, to know your self-worth, to ask and receive feedback because knowing your worth will help you become more vulnerable.
To eradicate the feeling of shame:
- Identify your shame triggers.
- Observe your self talk.
- Practice authenticity.
- Accept your experiences.
- Share your experience, be vulnerable with someone who genuinely cares about you.
Common Misconceptions About Vulnerability
We are thought not to be vulnerable, not to show our emotions, to look down on those who do. There are several misconceptions when it comes to vulnerability.
Misconception #1: “Vulnerability is weakness”
The reality is vulnerability is not a weakness, is not good or bad. Vulnerable is the origin of all emotions. It therefore becomes important to acknowledge your vulnerability.
Besides, the people who think that they are impenetrable are in fact the most vulnerable.
Misconception #2: “I don’t do vulnerability”
Vulnerability is unavoidable. When we try to avoid it, we often exhibit unusual inconsistent behaviors.
Misconception #3: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out”
You cannot be vulnerable with everyone. It is important to build trust and boundaries before being vulnerable. Otherwise, more times than ever, you will end up getting betrayed and hurt.
Misconception #4: “We can go it alone”
Individualism and going it alone are highly regarded in American culture. In this case, it is essential to construct a support system, to ask for and receive help
Shame As A Management Tool
Most of the time, shame and the blame game are used as management tool, yet is ineffective.
Subsequently, the situations that we face on a daily basis, in the education system, in the workplace, force us to keep our head down and our mouth shut which doesn’t encourage innovation, creativity or the learning process.
Vulnerability & Protective Mechanism
Our protective mechanisms are survival strategies, used to shield our vulnerability. Those shields can go from foreboding joy, to perfectionism to numbing down your emotions.
To avoid shielding vulnerability, it is critical to:
- Practice gratitude.
- Appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
- Confront your emotions.
- Live a more fulfilling life and feed your spirit.
- Focus your time and energy on the essentials.
- Consider how your behavior affect those around you.
Shield #1: Victim mentality
Some people go through life with a victim or perpetrator, win or lose mentally and subsequently fall into one of these categories.
Surprisingly, the people who have been through the most trauma, demonstrate the most resilience. And, people who don’t feel like victims or perpetrators, see themselves as thrivers.
Shield #2: “Floodlighting”
Floodlighting is essentially oversharing and stems from a need for confirmation and validation.
We have to be careful not to share vulnerable stories too soon with people who have not earned the right to hear them. The people on the receiving end often shut down, lack empathy or feel disconnected.
Shield #3: “The smash and grab”
With this shield, some people use vulnerability as a manipulation, sensationalizing tactic that is common in celebrity culture, as an attention seeking tool.
Shield #4: “Serpentining”
Serpentining is a draining and an avoidance behavior. It happens when people are not facing a situation head on for fear of being vulnerable, of not being present.
Shield #5: Mean-spiritedness
In this case, people use criticism, cynicism and mean-spiritedness to protect themselves. They are mean to people who dare demonstrate vulnerability.
Daring Greatly is essential to leadership, parenting, relationships, finding your purpose and your passion.
Through Daring Greatly, Brown has gathered data from people from different walks of life so we can somewhat self diagnose and become more aware of some of our toxic behavior.
Brené Brown makes some pertinent point and writes exactly like she speaks. Furthermore, Brown is very open and authentic, shares her anecdotes, fears and doubt. For example, she is vulnerable with us, mindful of the stories to share, lets us into her conversations with her therapist.
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.
Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all—there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and
hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.
Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark. The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.
In Fast Focus, a quick-start guide to mastering your attention, ignoring distractions, and getting more done in less time!, Damon Zahariades provides tools and strategies to manage your ability to focus.
What is focus?
Focus is the concentration required to consciously block out the noise and the distractions while performing a task.
The ability to focus can be a natural talent. But for most of us, it is a built-in habit, a skill which means it can be learnt.
Why do you need to effectively manage your attention?
Focus can positively impact your life. A lack of focus will reduce your effectiveness and your work quality.
Lack of focus or mind-wandering is not all negative. It helps us get in time with our creative side and find solutions to difficult circumstances.
However, gaining better focus will help you finish all your tasks on time, make better decisions, solve problems, become more productivity, get a successful work/life balance, embrace failure and learn from your mistakes.
By improving your focus, you can reserve your energy for relationships, build stronger connections, become more present, increase your memory, achieve greater self-confidence, handle and overcome adversity.
Why are people so unfocused?
Nobody is impervious to distraction. People are easily distracted because they usually:
- lack interest, are unable to commit or stay engaged to a particular task.
- lack emotional intelligence and are submerged by fear.
- are disorganized and don’t structure their day.
- lack energy. They don’t sleep, eat or exercise correctly.
- lack control or discipline.
Creating an environment to focus
Designing the proper environment is the first way to zero in on your task and to harmonize your workflow:
- Light up your work environment and always take advantage of your natural light. A low lighting makes you drowsy, strains your eyes and decrease your learning abilities.
- Some people feel comfortable working with background noises while others enjoy silence. Experiment and find out which one works best for you.
- Consider your level of physical comfort. To do so, you can adjust your clothes, your stationary, your sitting position, your sitting time and your sight line.
- Monitor the temperature of the room. For example, a too warm room will cause you to sleep.
- Breathe clean air.
- Practice aromatherapy. Some scents have a direct impact on your mood, mind and effectiveness.
- Avoid social situations if you want to work. Human nature makes us drawn to people but interacting with people decrease your focus.
- Organize and declutter your workspace. Clutter affects your focus more than you think because it decreases your processing abilities, hurts your creativity and occupies your memory space.
- Monitor your time to measure your progress.
- Write down your ideas and tasks so they don’t monopolize your thoughts.
Strategies to overcome mind-wandering
There are several tactics to increase your focus, to relax and to avoid the biggest distractions in your life.
- As stated above, it is essential to monitor your time, to set realistic deadlines, to reward yourself and break down your tasks in smaller steps.
- Don’t set too many daily goals and limit yourself to 5 tasks daily or else you will feel overwhelmed and pressured.
- Identify the purpose for every task.
- Exercise first thing in the morning.
- Avoid ignoring the ideas and thoughts floating around in your head. Log them down quickly before you forget them.
- Identify “internal or external stimuli” that break your concentration.
- Record every task that you must undertake by putting them down via a to do list.
- To sharpen your focus, to enter the zone and boost your performance, listen to music or nurture silence.
- Take regular breaks and naps to refresh your mind, to refresh your mind and to avoid boredom.
- Restore your focus by taking a short walk instead of remaining at your desk.
- Multitasking is valued by society. However, attacking one task at a time will help increase your performance and your work quality.
- Pack all similar activities into one and execute them in a row while monitoring your time.
- Break down your day into several tasks and allocate the time necessary for each task.
- Stay away from internet.
- Spend less time in meetings or avoid meetings all together as they can clog up your day and as they hold little value.
- Set boundaries and expectations about your time and your focus.
- Turn off your phone for long periods of time.
- Observe how your energy fluctuates during the day and use moments where your energy is high to achieve high productivity.
- Mediate and take care of your inner peace.
- Stop checking your mails frantically. Instead, keep track of your inbox once or twice a day.
- Define a daily routine and follow it. Routines facilitates your life, enables ow brain processing. You can use that same brain power to accomplish your tasks.
- Stay away from perfectionism.
- Completely edit the first draft then come back to correct your mistakes.
- Stop “consuming too much caffeine” because it is unhealthy and reduces your ability to concentrate.
Fast Focus, a quick-start guide to mastering your attention, ignoring distractions, and getting more done in less time! is a pragmatic, complete, quick and easy to read self-help book.
In Fast Focus, a quick-start guide to mastering your attention, ignoring distractions, and getting more done in less time!, Damon Zahariades shares valuable tips on how to increase your productivity and your focus.
Damon Zahariades shares his preferences and also incorporates practical links and tools to enable your productivity.
It is a step by step guide, written for leaders, for people from all walks of life, for those who are easily distracted by social media, for those who procrastinate, who daydream easily and those with low productivity.
I like the fact that this books highlights the fact that so many things, concepts and institutions in life are purposely set up to distract us from reality: from the local bully to the background music in the stores to technology and internet.
All these distractions are the reason why most people procrastinate and never achieve their version of success.
When we lack a specific purpose, we become more susceptible to distractions. We focus on whatever our brains tell us to focus on, rather than the other way around. We become passengers rather than drivers.
Damon Zahariades is a productivity expert, owner of the blog Art Of Productivity and the author of Fast Focus, a quick-start guide to mastering your attention, ignoring distractions, and getting more done in less time!.
Whether you work from home or go to the office, procrastination plagues everybody.
However, a leader has no room for procrastination. Leaders who procrastinate are ineffective, unproductive and unaware of their own abilities.
They are unable to make the right decisions at the right time, to take action, to bring forth their vision, to reach their goals, to effectively manage their time, to discipline their thoughts and behavior, to properly manage uncertainty.
Consequently, followers start questioning their leadership potential and credibility.
Wondering how to stop procrastinating and to become much more proactive?
What is procrastination?
Contrary to popular belief, procrastination is not being lazy. Instead, procrastination is a defense mechanism.
Procrastination is the action of putting off an important yet unpleasant task, it is avoiding pain and pushing it back for later, it is neither starting nor completing a task.
Procrastination is ruled by fear, memories, avoidance of negative emotions, avoidance of pressure. Procrastination is often times linked to being a perfectionist.
Everybody procrastinates in different areas of their lives. You are a procrastinator if you:
- lack motivation and resilience.
- are often overwhelmed and frozen by tasks at work.
- are afraid of failure or success, are afraid or paralyzed by the limelight.
- don’t know where to start, are waiting for the right time and for everything to be perfect.
- don’t find the time.
- don’t feel like doing anything.
- are waiting for all your ducks to line up in a row.
- make excuses for your excuses.
- doubt yourself and the task that you have to undertake.
- don’t meet deadlines at work.
- unable to make decisions or are motivated by the last minutes pressure.
How to stop procrastinating?
Leaders don’t have the luxury to procrastinate because it is similar to self-sabotage. However, they are all subject to it to some extent.
Indeed, the more the task is daunting , the more we push it back. The more we push it back, the less time we have, the more the task becomes daunting.
Stop procrastinating will help you gain a sense of satisfaction and will increase your chances of success.
- Take care of yourself first and foremost. Procrastination can affect different aspect of their lives as well.
- Assess your strengths and weaknesses, be confident in your own abilities and maximize your potential.
- Stay positive, think about your past successes and boost your leadership self-esteem.
- Identify your purpose, your goals and understand the 80/20 Principle.
- Find meaning and satisfaction in your job.
- Learn self-discipline and increase your emotional intelligence. This will help you monitor what you say about yourself and to yourself, make clear and immediate decisions, to fight and understand your emotions. Don’t be afraid of challenging the status quo. Don’t let fear dictate your behavior and your decisions.
- Avoid overwhelming yourself, overthinking or over-analyzing a task. Measuring how difficult the task is and being afraid of failure will deter you from achieving any consequential result.
- Our perception of pain is programmed by past society and by past experiences. To get rid of that perception, visualize your success and your task accomplished.
- Write down what you have been procrastinating on and why. Write down 3 tasks that you must do. Work 5 minutes on each task successively without distraction.
- Break down on task in smaller feasible steps. Take the first step, focus on one step at a time and create momentum.
- Prioritize these steps: discern urgent tasks from important tasks, use the 80/20 principle. Take care of the hardest and most important task first and focus your energy on that.
- Estimate and isolate the time needed to execute your task. You can set a deadline and use a timer
- Commit to your tasks.
- Measure your progress and remind yourself of your accomplishments.
- To manage your time appropriately, anticipate obstacles, withstand challenges and find solutions.
- Make sure that your workspace is organized for the work at hand.
- Stay away from distractions. Stay away from internet and social media, turn off your phone, don’t check your emails.
- Develop a sense of urgency. It is critical to remind yourself that you will lose the opportunity, to remind yourself of the consequences of not making decisions or taking action, to remember that there is no right time to accomplish your task.
- Create a vision board in order to better visualize your goals.
- Create a routine and aim for the long-term.
- Don’t try to be perfect.
- Surround yourself with like-minded people.
- Watch motivational videos to get you started.
Don’t wait until you are 100% sure. The perfect time is now.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.