Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway By Susan Jeffers

Everybody is susceptible to experiencing fear at some point in their life…

Some fears are critical to your survival.

Others hinder your success in life.

Some people consider the feelings of fear as a signal to distance themselves from a situation and others as a sign to keep going.

Some people are paralyzed by their fear and others manage to get things done despite their fears.

Which means that fear in itself is not the real problem.

The real problem resides in the way you manage it.

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway By Susan Jeffers #books #bookreviews #fear #emotions #emotionaldiscipline #discipline #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Pushing Past Fear

There are major benefits to pushing past your fears. You will be able to:

  • Let go of a negative mindset.
  • Surpass mistakes and bad decisions.
  • Boost your self-esteem and become more assertive.
  • Find your purpose and achieve your goals.
  • Take back control of your life and take action.

The Truth About Fear

Behind every fear, there is the belief that you don’t have the abilities to handle whatever life throws your way.

However, your skills can always be developed.

That means that you won’t need to run away from your fears or work hard at getting rid of them.

That also means that in order to diminish your fears, you will have to developed the abilities to handle whatever life throws at you.

How Do You Manage Fear?

As long as you live and continue to grow as a person, fear can never be totally eradicated.

There are a few steps you can take to better manage your feelings.

1. Connect with your Higher Self

Get in touch with your Higher Self and tap into your intuition.

2. Say Yes

Saying Yes consists in going with the flow and accepting what Life has to offer.

It is an effective coping mechanism an antidote for fear.

3. Take action

People who live in fear feel more helpless than those who actually push through and take risks.

It becomes detrimental to identify your goals and motives to get unstuck.

4. Mind your self-talk

To begin to shift your mindset and to empower yourself, you must monitor the words that you use and the way you address yourself.

You may want to discipline your self-talk and use the power of positive affirmations.

5. Avoid playing the victim

Playing the victim signifies that you have no control over your life, that you have given your power away to someone or something else, and have progressively become paralyzed in your ability to deal with your fears.

In reality, you are the one who chooses the way you feel or act in any given situation.

6. Reclaim your power

Reclaiming your power entails being aware of any disempowering behavior and taking responsibility for your life.

Reclaiming your power means avoiding blaming yourself, blaming your past, present and future, or any other external factors for your life experiences.

Reclaiming your power is understanding that everything you experience is part of your journey.

Review

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway is a comforting book as Susan Jeffers exposes fear as a learned human condition that can be unlearned.

Furthermore, Susan Jeffers shares powerful and practical tools to fight and overcome fear.

She continually reminds us to take it easy on ourselves and that our good and bad decisions are part of our journey.

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway shows us how to get the life we truly want, how to face new life situations and adapt to change.

The truth is everyone experiences fear, especially when they are in unfamiliar territory.

The trick consists in feeling the fear… And doing whatever it takes anyway…

Favorite quote(s)

The “doing it” comes before the feeling better about yourself. When you make something happen, not only does the fear of the situation go away, but also you get a big bonus: you do a lot toward building your self-confidence.

We can’t escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us in all our exciting adventures; it is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot.

A self-assured woman who is in control of her life draws like a magnet. She is so filled with positive energy that people want to be around her.

There is absolutely no need to be upset with your past, present, or future behavior. It is all simply part of the learning process[…].

Ratings 3/5

About the author

Susan Jeffers


Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

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Quiet : The Power Of Introverts In A World That Cant Stop Talking By Susan Cain

In the American Culture, leadership is often equated with hyperextroversion and an emphasis is placed on personality, charm, and charisma.

On one hand, people feel a constant urge to fit into the extroversion mould, to develop an extroverted personality and feel pressured to always project confidence.

On the other, introverts have become the ugly step-children.

Basically, the American Culture promotes an Extrovert Ideal when several temperaments exist, are valuable and needed in Society.

Quiet : The Power Of Introverts In A World That Cant Stop Talking By Susan Cain #book #books #bookreviews #introversion #introvertedleadership #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Many “people, especially those in leadership roles, engage in a certain level of pretend-extroversion”.

1. The birth of the Extrovert Ideal

The Extrovert Ideal is “the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight”.

The Extrovert Ideal was born when public speaking became a must have skill in the beginning of the 20th century.

The American Culture swiftly shifted from a Culture of Character to a Culture of Personality.

Hence, people started focusing on the way they presented themselves, on making a good first impression, on appearance, on selling themselves well all the time.

They then transformed themselves into personae, performers, sales men and women and became fascinated with movie stars.

2. The Introverted temperament

Extroversion and introversion are extreme temperaments that are said to be inherited.

Most people exhibit behaviors along that spectrum depending on the circumstances: no one is fully an introvert or an extrovert all the time.
The most common misconception about these temperaments is that introverts are antisocial and extroverts are pro social.

The reality is that introverts are quickly overly stimulated, the said stimulation is exhausting and that they need downtime to recharge from socializing.

Furthermore, introverts are creative, tend to work alone, to value solitude because “solitude can be a catalyst to innovation“; it is vital to their creativity and allows them to deliberately practice.

At their core, introverts observe society rather than participate in society because participating requires too much mental multitasking.

In addition, they:

  • are highly reactive,
  • are listeners more than talkers,
  • ask questions like “What if?”,
  • rather quality over quantity,
  • avoid conflict most of the time,
  • avoid group activities,
  • are non competitive,
  • “welcome the chance to communicate digitally”.

Even with opposite temperaments, introverts and extroverts are often drawn to each other and get along.

The Introvert Success

Should they act out of character or stretch themselves in order to be who they want to be? Can introverts succeed without altering themselves?

Most introverts know how to act out of character and fake extroversion to some extent.

Some introverts fake extroversion to survive, to fit in and succeed.
Others have fooled themselves into thinking that they are extroverts, have taken on a role that is expected of them or their job, feel obliged to serve up a persona.

introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly Click To Tweet

The truth is that introverts can act out of character rather convincingly, should act out of character if it is vital or if they are deeply attached to their objectives but cannot and shouldn’t act out for too long.

Acting out of character for too long can result in burnout and health problems.

To succeed without altering themselves, some introverts focus on core personal projects that are important to them.

To identify their core personal projects, introverts:

  • Think about what they wanted to be when they were children.
  • Assess the type of work they generally gravitate to.
  • Observe the people and things that they envy.

Furthermore, introverts understand that certain social situations can be intimidating.

Therefore, in order to remain calm and confident, they adopt the same behavior and facial expression as if you were calm and confident.

They also take regular breaks alone where they need to restore, recharge and be themselves.

Introverts may have to cut an agreement with themselves: they socialize and act out of character as much as they want to or as much as they are comfortable to just as long as they take the time to recharge.

Review

In Quiet : The Power Of Introverts In A World That Cant Stop Talking, in an almost autobiographic writing style, Susan Cain puts a positive spin on the term “quiet”, reflects on the place of introversion in the American society and seeks to understand the Extrovert Ideal.

Susan Cain objectively describes her personal experience as an introvert and adopts a scientific approach to depicting the difference between introversion and extroversion.

In The American and Western society, there is an obsession and an urge to develop an extroverted personality.
Indeed, leadership is often equated to hyperextroversion and most of our institutions are organized to favor extroversion, value open spaces, transparency, team-work, and competition to the detriment of quiet leadership, creativity, solitude, alone time, introversion are not well seen

So throughout her research and her journey of self-discovery, Susan Cain goes through her own experience, childhood memories to find explanation and insights into her introversion and answers the following questions: Should introverts alter themselves to succeed? To what degree should they stretch themselves?

The answer lies somewhere between you can act out but you shouldn’t act out for too long.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Yet today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts—which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are.

We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risktaking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. […] We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual—the kind who’s comfortable “putting himself out there.” […]

Introversion—along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness—is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.

‘Here everyone knows that it’s important to be an extrovert and troublesome to be an introvert. So people work real hard at looking like extroverts, whether that’s comfortable or not. It’s like making sure you drink the same single-malt scotch the CEO drinks and that you work out at the right health club.’

They welcome the chance to communicate digitally. The same person who would never raise his hand in a lecture hall of two hundred people might blog to two thousand, or two million, without thinking twice. The same person who finds it difficult to introduce himself to strangers might establish a presence online and then extend these relationships into the real world.

introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly

many people, especially those in leadership roles, engage in a certain level of pretend-extroversion.

Ratings 4/5

About the author

Susan Cain

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Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking By S.J. Scott & Barrie Davenport

Our thoughts are a way for us to process our experiences and deal with our emotions…

Our thoughts are necessary for us to understand our situation, to find solutions, to make decisions and to plan for the future.

Our thoughts plague us with negative emotions, stop us from leaving in the present, steal our joy and peace of mind.

It just seems that we just don’t stop thinking and our mind is constantly cluttered.

Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking By S.J. Scott & Barrie Davenport #book #books #bookreviews #mindset #stress #stressreflief #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Four Reasons For Mental Clutter

Mental clutter can trigger several mental illness and physical symptoms. It may cause us to react and to respond in an unconventional manner.

There are four main reasons for mental clutter.

1. Life stress

We are stresses by our jobs, the daily headlines or social expectation. The first reason for mental clutter comes from our everyday life.

2. Too many choices

Having to choose between too many options can be a great source of anxiety, indecision, paralysis, and dissatisfaction.

3. Too much clutter

Our home is filled with things that we don’t need.

Our mind is filled with data that doesn’t serve us.

Our time is filled with distractions and trivialities.

After a while, we start being too busy to declutter and start thinking negatively.

4. Negativity as reality

We react to negative events more easily, quickly and intensely than positive ones.

That is because we are “hardwired to overthink, worry, and view situations more negatively than they are in reality”.

Therefore, we accept negative thoughts as being reality, we see “threats as more threatening and challenges as more challenging.”

Habits To Help You Declutter Your Mind

Mindfulness is the art of staying present, of identifying your thoughts and decluttering.

It requires a lot of patience, practice and building specific habits.

1. Deep breaths

Our breathing habits is directly connected to our thinking habits. Whenever we feel anxious or overwhelmed, our breathing changes immediately.

However, we have the power to adjust our breathing to control our thoughts.

To regulate your breathing, several times a day, you can:

  1. Adapt your posture. Sometimes, the way we stand or sit constricts the air in our lungs. It is imperative to sit up straight or to relax your body.
  2. Pay attention to your breathing pattern throughout the day.
  3. Use abdominal breathing techniques.
  4. Practice slow and deep breathing. Deep breathing relaxes the body, improves general health, quiets the inner dialogue and forces you back in the present.

2. Meditation

Meditation, practiced for thousands of years and originated in ancient Buddhist, Hindu, and Chinese traditions, can be used as a tool for exercising and decluttering your mind.

Meditation reduces negative thinking, redirects to the present moment and improves creativity. To see the benefits of meditation, you must:

  1. Practice meditation daily or in stressful times.
  2. Find a quiet place and a adequate position to practice meditation.
  3. Let your mind wander but always bring back the focus on deep breathing.

3. Mindset monitoring

Many people fall victim to their negative thoughts. They believe the negativity and think that they have no control over what they think.

however, our thoughts are not our identity and we have the power to challenge and reframe them. To do so:

  1. Be aware of your thought pattern. You can witness them without judging or becoming them.
  2. Give a name to your negative thoughts in order to separate yourself from them.
  3. Interrupt them before spiralling. You have the power to say no to the flood of thoughts coming your way. You can also use the rubber band technique to interrupt your thoughts.
  4. Identify your triggers.
  5. Distract yourself with positive thoughts and projects.

4. Mindset improvement

After decluttering your mind from negative thoughts, you need to fill your mind with new positive ones.

To integrate a new mindset:

  1. Challenge the negative thoughts whenever they happen and replace them with positive ones.
  2. Accept the negative situation that you are in instead of mentally fighting it. This will give you more control over your thoughts and the situation.
  3. Take positive action that aligns with your values, goals and priorities.
  4. Don’t stay too long in your head. Instead, set a timeframe where you can expand on your worries. Then, find something to distract yourself from your worries.

Review

Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking is a collection of several blog posts from S.J. Scott & Barrie Davenport.

It is written for people who want to become more productive, who have problems focusing and finding their peace of mind.

Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking frees you from addiction, distractions, overthinking, from negative and unproductive feelings.

It gives you tips to help you save time, build up your priorities and set the proper boundaries. The tools given are common knowledge and may not work for everyone. I find that the rubber band technique is painful for no reason, is not discreet and is not helpful when it comes to reducing negative thoughts.

However, there are different options that can work for you and your situation.

Furthermore, there is no reason to get discouraged because these techniques require huge commitment and have to be practiced quasi daily for you to see results.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Our powerful brains are constantly processing all sorts of experiences and
analyzing them in the form of thoughts. Thoughts form what we perceive to
be reality.

We worry about our health, our jobs, our kids, the economy, our relationships, how we look, what other people think of us, terrorism, politics, pain from the past, and our unpredictable futures. Our thoughts about these things make us suffer and undermine the happiness we could experience right now if we didn’t have that constant voice in our heads stirring things up.

Ratings 3/5

Author

S.J. Scott

Barrie Davenport

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The Talent Code by David Coyle

In The Talent Code, David Coyle explores how talents are created and nurtured throughout life.

He first demonstrates that talent is a consequence of deep practice, is ignited and occurs in mysterious places and at different moment.

The Talent Code

The Deep Practice Process

People with talent take time to practice, have a great deal of concentration and focus.

They counterintuitively practice failure to make themselves successful later on. This is what David Coyle calls deep practice.

Deep practice is to talent what a whetstone is to a knife. It sharpens a natural ability and converts failed situations into learning experiences.

That is why, gifted people are found in hot beds where events seem accelerated and fluid.

On the outside looking in, gifted people look strange.

To go further into the deep practice process, break a skill into small components, learn them, learn their variants, search for their potential errors, gradually correct these components.

In addition, studies have shown that making mistakes, correcting them, deep practicing and working through failure force us to function at the edge of our abilities and talents, allow us to improve our resilience and our ability to learn.

Talents develop a strategy to building up a skill so that they can accurately measure their progress, sense mistakes before they occur, adapt their strategy in case of failure, customize it to different situations, avoid blaming their success on luck.

Afterwards, in a unchallenging situation, a small effort will produce big results and will guide you towards your talent sweet spot.

The Importance Of Myelin

According to Daniel Coyle and to early reasearch, the learning process in talented people starts in our brain with myelin.

Myelin is a microscopic substance in the brain, insulating neural circuits, strengthening and regulating neurological signals, that decreases with age, that drives our perception of the world, that increases our ability to learn, to talk to read and to communicate.

Furthermore, myelin creates habits that they can only be removed by creating another one. It follows the same rules universally and doesn’t grow without a conscience action on our behalf.

Needless to say, by deep practicing, we build higher and automatic skills, we train our neurological signals to borrow a specific path and to increase the quantity of myelin in our brain.

How to rewire our brain while being cognizant of myelin

Theses studies are still in the early ages. However, deep practicing, repeating an action, watching talented, skilled people allows us to imitate them, to rewire our brain.

According to Ericsson’s research, to optimize the level of myelin in your brain, it is detrimental to practise daily between 3 to 5 hours.

The Ignition Process

According to Daniel Coyle, talents come from more than genes and environment. Deep practice, not enjoyable at first, is the first step to developing talent and requires time, commitment, energy and passion.

The second step is understanding and implementing the ignition process which allows us to create and sustain motivation.

Ignition operates through emotion and visualization of the future, sparks intense unconscious response and accelerates progress.

Moreover, this process does not follow basic and regular rules. The ignition process is triggered by certain signals or primal cues, by a lack of safety, by education, by exposure to a different environment and to aspirational figures.

It is also triggered by words, motivational and inspirational language, by high value messages, by praises and affirmations.

To get people motivated, it is important to “speak to the ground-level effort, affirming the struggle”, to congratulate them on their hard work.

To sustain the ignition process, one must have self-discipline, understand their priorities and be accountable for their errors.

Identifying and Igniting talent in others

Talent coaches are viewed as great leaders and teachers because ignite our talent and using our talents can change our lives and those of others around us. Talent coaches:

  • Are people who were talented but unsuccessful but who have taken the time out to identify the reasons why.
  • Are generally quite and reserved.
  • Are warm and empathetic.
  • Listen more than they speak.
  • Offer short targeted advice instead of motivational and inspirational speeches.
  • Are committed to and are sensitive to their students, to the people that they coach. For example, they customize their messages to their students.
  • Are sharp and capture every information regarding their student.
  • Pay attention to details, rehearse the words that they will potentially use.
  • Measure their voice, control their body language.
  • Live by their values and principles.
  • Breaks down their message in “chunks” and understand the importance of deep practice.
  • Have an ability to locate the strengths, the sweet spots of an individual and to pull them out their shell and out of their comfort zone.

It is clear to say that the spotlight is rarely shun upon the coach, that teaching and leading is a skill on its own and the best coaches spend decades nurturing their coaching skills.

To help young talented people to build their skills, it is important to seek out someone talented but who doesn’t seem like it, someone who is wise, who doesn’t engage in small talk, who doesn’t necessarily have diplomas or graduated from summa cum laude from a top-notch school.

Review

In The Talent Code, David Coyle is an easy to read book that ambitiously identifies the origin of talent in individuals. He gives an interesting spin on how talent is created—not born— and nurtured.

To prepare for his book, David Coyle had to travel for research, had to interview scientists, coaches and teachers and to visit talent hotbeds.
The Talent Code is extremely useful to people who are shy, introverted, who lack motivation and the fire necessary to pursue their gift, who seek to coach and lead and who seek a strategy to build strong skills.

It is also detrimental in the music industry, in business, in corporate , in the education and sport fields. Furthermore, after reading this book, I have a greater respect for people with talent but also for people who are able to nurture talent in others.

Favorite quote(s)

The conventional way to explain this kind of concentrated talent is to attribute it to a combination of genes and environment, a.k.a. nature and nurture.

Ratings 3/5

Author

David Coyle

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Your First Leadership Job: How Catalyst Leaders Bring Out the Best in Others by Tacy M. Byham and Richard S. Wellins

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Your First Leadership Job: How Catalyst Leaders Bring Out the Best in Others acknowledges the hardship of a first-time leadership position plus strives to guide and assist new leaders in:

  • Becoming “Catalyst Leaders”. “Catalyst leaders represent the gold standard—energetic, supportive, forward-thinking mentors who spark action in others”.
  • Coping with the transition from contributor to leader, dealing with the uncertainty of the new position
  • Building or improving leadership skills,
  • Communicating effectively with your team and your bosses,
  • Working with members of your team, coaching them, engaging with them and motivating them in order to obtain results,
  • Navigating organizational politics.

Several self-assessment tests, quizzes and diagnostics are implemented in the book to make light of a challenging situation, to evaluate and enhance your leadership skills.

Your First Leadership Job: How Catalyst Leaders Bring Out the Best in Others by Tacy M. Byham and Richard S. Wellins #book #bookreview #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #success #successmindset https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

According to Your First Leadership Job, the catalyst leader should follow the following steps to ensure success:

  1. Learn your organization’s culture and get to know your team and your bosses to get a better understanding of your role, your priorities, the expectations from your team and from upper management, the current reputation of your team, their preferred communication methods and finally, their good and bad habits.
  2. Make a first good impression the moment you step into your new role. Judgement by your team will instantly be formed about your capabilities to lead.
  3. Develop a leadership brand. In order to develop a leadership brand, be authentic (show your integrity through your actions), bring out the best in people (understand and improve your team skills, encourage, motivate and coach them), be receptive to feedback.
  4. Address and meet your team personal needs. To do so, use the five Key Principles: Maintain or enhance self-esteem motivate the team. Listen and respond with empathy to diffuse negative energy and create a positive environment.Ask for help and encourage involvement to show that you respect and value your team’s opinion, knowledge and skills.Share thoughts, feelings, and rationale to build trust. (to build trust)Provide support without removing responsibility. (to build ownership)
  5. Implement or improve your common leadership interaction styles.
  6. Start seeking performance results and meeting the company’s requirements/needs by developing an execution strategy (focus on the three major priorities at a time, manage time accordingly and measure task progress with indicators, create milestone for the team, by holding your team accountable for their own results)
  7. Learn how to hire new candidates for a job by asking the right questions during the interview.
  8. Develop a good working relationship with your boss.
  9. Master meetings and make them meaningful.  Your ability to lead will be estimated by your ability to organize and run a meeting.
  10. Give positive or developmental feedback.
  11. Learn to handle difficult employees.
  12. Delegate tasks and the authority associated to the task accordingly to achieve results faster and more effectively. Delegating also helps to save up your time for higher priorities a tasks.

Review

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Your First Leadership Job: How Catalyst Leaders Bring Out the Best in Others  by Tacy M. Byham and Richard S. Wellins is a self-help book destined to potential, first-time or frontline leaders.

Your First Leadership Job: How Catalyst Leaders Bring Out the Best in Others is a clear and methodical how-to book that does not only define leadership but also shares tips on how to become a “Catalyst Leader” and how to withstand challenging situations that most first-time leaders encounter.

I largely recommend it to introverted, shy, unexpected leaders who don’t always know how to navigate office politics along to women who are ambitious but not confident in their leadership skills.

For my part, as an introvert and a woman, I have been in three unofficial leadership positions that started successfully but ended in failure. Before reading this book, I was not able to pinpoint my weaknesses nor able to fix my situation.

Your First Leadership Job has been resourceful, reassuring and has given me hope that I can still pursue my journey towards leadership. I now have a positive perspective on my experiences.

As a result, I am currently learning how to earn my team’s trust, convey a message and share a vision with my team.

Favorite quote(s)

“Catalyst leaders represent the gold standard—energetic, supportive, forward-thinking mentors who spark action in others”.

Earlier in this book we pointed out that what makes you a successful leader may have nothing to do with what made you successful in the past. The challenges you face as a leader are much different—and they can be extra tough.

Ratings 4/5

Authors

Tacy M. Byham

Richard S. Wellins

Purchase

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How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life By Gill Hasson

Difficult people are everywhere and often demonstrate difficult behavior.

Their behavior can be overtly hostile and aggressive or passive and dismissive.

They can drain you and break you out of your character because they may act differently than you expect or apply a system of belief you don’t abide to.

Discerning whether or not they are being spitefully or involuntarily difficult is quite tricky.

1. Calmly walk away from difficult people

Some people are difficult even impossible all the time for no clear reason and will drain you of your energy and even destroy your life, no matter what you do.

In these circumstances, it becomes detrimental to walk away from the situation, to make a clean break and focus on the positives to come.

2. Try and understand the difficult person

To understand difficult people, you must first start by identifying your values, expectations of people and system of belief.

You must also understand that you have legal and personal rights to defend.

Often times, our expectations of how people should act and treat us are what create misunderstanding, conflict and resentments.

If your expectations are too high, you will be let down in some fashion and if they are too low, you will be disrespected.

If your expectations are too rigid or unrealistic, you will suffer the consequences and involuntarily create difficult people.

Instead, don’t place any expectations on anyone but expect a positive outcome.

3. Take responsibility for your own reaction

Taking responsibility for your reactions will help you manage your emotions, gain control over a situation, direct and influence others.

It will also help you reframe your mindset and not play victim to your circumstances.

4. Learn what to say and what not to say to a difficult person

You can start by actively listening to them and then by finding out what to say and not to say.

Actively listening does not mean that you are actively agreeing with their point of view or that you are endorsing their opinion but it means that you are willing to acknowledge what they have said and to understand them.

Learning what to say or not to say is about being assertive, standing your ground, choosing how to respond to a situation, thinking about consequences, setting limits and finding an appropriate solution.

5. Deal with the difficult behavior and not the person

Learn to be assertive, to gain a solid sense of self, to stand your ground, to communicate your needs clearly and confidently.

Not asserting yourself and accommodating a difficult person will only lead them to disrespect you further and

Review

How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life by Gill Hasson serves as a practical guide to become more assertive, confident, courageous and to think strategically when it comes to dealing with difficult people.

How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life explores situations in life and at work that we have dealt with and still have to deal with.

Gill Hasson puts many challenging situations into perspective and provides solutions to problems.

On the long run, difficult people are toxic and corrosive. It is detrimental to carefully monitor the impact of these types on individuals on our lives, mental and physical health.

Some of them enjoy creating chaos and toxicity around them and others do so involuntarily.

Sometimes, we are able to put physical distance between yourself and difficult people.

Other times, because of our work situation or familial reasons, we have to put up with them and have to find different ways to put up with them.

Gill Hasson puts many challenging situations into perspective and provides solutions to problems.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

The thing is you can’t directly change other people’s behaviour; the only thing you can change is how you respond and deal with it.

In the past, you may have thought that there was only one or two ways to do this: either grit your teeth and hope that they’ll stop being so difficult, that things will improve, or get the difficult person to see just how difficult they’re being.
Both of these approaches are unlikely to fix the problem. In the case of gritting your teeth and hoping things will improve… they won’t. In the case of getting them to see
just how difficult they’re being, that’s unlikely too.

Even if a confident person feels anxious about dealing with difficult people, they don’t let fear and anxiety paralyse them: they deal with other people and situations despite their fears or worries. They recognize they have to start somewhere, however apprehensive they are.

You can’t control what others think about you, so leave them to their own judgements.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Gill Hasson

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13 Leadership Books Every Up & Coming Leader Should Read To Achieve Success

There comes a time when leaders feel stuck in a rut, unable to solve problems or constantly being blindsided by events.

That is because they lack wisdom and character, they don’t have the appropriate knowledge of themselves and of the situation.

13 Leadership Books Every Up&Coming Leader Should Read To Achieve Success  #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #success #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Books provide valuable information for leaders to grow and to improve themselves.

Reading has to play an important part in leadership.

The following books will help you improve your self-awareness, develop your character, build your vision and your purpose.

1. The Alchemist

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Author: Paulo Coelho

Ratings: 4.5/5

The Alchemist outlines the journey of a leader.

It teaches us to be ourselves and to follows our heart and gut.

It reminds us that failure always brings us closer to our success and that all we need is already within us.

2. The Four Agreements

Author: Don Miguel Ruiz

Ratings: 4.5/5

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gathers four “agreements” to live by to ensure a better lifestyle, a deeper understanding of life, a life in the moment.

He encourages us to be impeccable with our words, to not take anything personally, to not making assumptions and to do our best.

3. Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean

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Author: Kim Scott

Ratings 3/5

In Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean, Kim Scott reveals ways to be truthful, to develop candid relationships.

Being truthful without being a bully is difficult. Candor comes with risks but it will determine your level of success in the long run.

4. Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges

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Author: Amy Cuddy

Ratings: 3.5/5

Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, Amy Cuddy gives advice on managing nonverbal cues to induce Presence, identifying your best authentic self, nurturing your boldest self, and creating personal power.

It is useful for leaders who want to get in touch with their best self.

5. H3 Leadership: Be Humble. Stay Hungry. Always Hustle.

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Author: Brad Lomenick

Ratings: 4/5

H3 Leadership: Be Humble. Stay Hungry. Always Hustle., Brad Lomenick draws conclusions from his personal leadership style and allies spirituality with leadership.

He shares various tips on being a better leader. He also urges us to define who we are, to identify where you are going and how you will get there.

6. Principles: Life and Work

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Author: Ray Dalio

Ratings: 3/5

Dalio shares many principles to navigate life and work.

Ray Dalio encourages us to stay open-minded, to find and speak truth in order to live a healthier lifestyle, to meet our goals and to handle setbacks.

7. Tribes: We need you to lead us

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Author: Seth Godin

Ratings: 3/5

In Tribes: We need you to lead us, Seth Godin declares that everybody wants and needs to belong to a tribe.

He also demonstrates how challenging the status quo is a simple way to create your own tribe, to build your fellowship, to define your leadership without forcing people.

8. No One Understands You and What To Do About It

Author: Heidi Grant Halvorson

Ratings: 4/5

In No One Understands You and What To Do About It, Heidi Grant Halvorson explores the prominent reasons why we are often misunderstood.

She also gives useful advice on how to clean up our reputation, to clarify a difficult situation.

9. What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful

What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful By Marshall Goldsmith

Author: Marshall Goldsmith

Ratings: 4/5

In What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful, Marshall Goldsmith helps you identify all the 21 bad behaviors that are currently holding you back from success.

He also provides different solutions so you develop your character and be your best self at work.

10. Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

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Author: Mark Goulston, Philip Goldberg

Ratings 3/5

Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg list all the common self-defeating habits that we have acquired in life and have brought to work.

In order to achieve success, they show us how to get out our own way, how to stop self-sabotaging, how and what to change.

11. Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less

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Author: Greg Mckeown

Ratings: 4/5

Essentialism is a thought process that drives success, that improves your decisions making and time management skills.

In Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less, Greg Mckeown replaces the false assumptions that we can do it all, that being busy means being productive, that we must accept every single opportunity that comes our way.

12. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

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Author: Daniel H. Pink

Ratings: 4/5

In Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Daniel H. Pink shows us that people are not motivated by common external factors such as money or fame.

Daniel H. Pink reveals that people’s behaviors are mostly driven by purpose, passion, autonomy, a need for self-improvement and for self-imposed goals.

Leaders can use that innate drive to increase productivity, improve performance and build stronger teams.

13. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

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Author: Angela Duckworth

Ratings 3/5

In Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Duckworth defines Grit as a combination of resilience, determination, purpose and passion.

According to Angela Duckworth, anyone can acquire grit. Furthermore, people with grit are more successful than people who are talented but who don’t put in work.

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6 Leadership Books To Read Before The Year Ends

Leading others often starts with leading oneself…

Below are the 6 best leadership and self help books that you can read right now to develop your sense of direction, find your most authentic self and achieve your goals!

6 Leadership Books To Read Before The Year Ends #books #bookreviews #reading #leadershipbooks #leadershipdevelopmentbooks #journeytoleadershipbooks #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Wondering what are the best leadership books to read before this year comes to an end?

1. Grit By Angela Duckworth

Grit is nothing more than a combination of courage, passion and perseverance.

In her book Grit, Angela Duckworth interviews a series of leaders from all walks of life whose grit has helped them succeed and whose stories will surely inspire you.

2. How To Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie

In How To Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie gives practical advice on how to successfully attract people, convert their way of thinking towards our ideas, on how to be more confident, achieve more and reach your highest potential in life thanks to your relationships.

3. The Little Book Of Big Lies By Tina Lifford

In The Little Book Of Big Lies, Tina Lifford gives helpful advice for you to build up your inner self and shares fourteen real life stories to help you move on from trauma and your past.

4. Year Of Life By Shonda Rhimes

In her funny memoir Year Of Life, Shonda Rhimes shares her poignant life story and her journey towards personal success.

Throughout her book, she makes you laugh but also reflect on the power of saying yes, of continually staying positive and focused.

5. The Magic Of Thinking Big By David J. Schwartz

David J. Schwartz teaches us throughout The Magic Of Thinking Big to:

  • Think big and set bigger than life goals.
  • Overcome our fear of failure by actually accomplishing our goals.
  • Fail forward and trust the process.

6. The Obstacle Is The Way By Ryan Holiday

In The Obstacle Is The Way, Ryan Holiday employs the lessons of Greek philosophy to help you see past your failures and obstacles.

He encourages you to persevere no matter what and to apply a certain stoicism to most of your life situations.

Last Words Of Advice!

Each one of these books demonstrate ways to achieve long term success, accomplish your dreams and figure out a solution to every single one of your problems.

To top it all off, these books also exhibit great examples of people who have remained optimistic and creative in the face of challenges.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

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How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie

For some reason, successful leaders seem to know how to effectively handle people, to win friends and to influence people…

These leaders have built their entire life and professional career around people by following basic principles.

How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie #books #bookreviews #influence #relationships #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Wining Friends

Leaders understand that relationships can take you to the next level. Therefore, they tend to:

1. Avoid negative reviews

Leaders who are socially skilled avoid making complaints, condemning people, or manufacturing open and public criticism.

They understand that negative criticism generally breeds resentment.

Instead, they try to understand where the people are coming from.

2. Find out what the people really want

Most people care about their health, self-preservation, food, sleep, money, a craving for sincere appreciation and a desire for importance…

Furthermore, appreciation does not consist in giving cheap flattery but in honest appreciation.

If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. - Dale Carnegie Click To Tweet

3. Show people how to get what they want

To show people what they want and how to get it, leaders:

  • Consider the advantages and disadvantages of the situation.
  • Learn to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Influencing People

Influencing people is a basic and important skill in leadership.

That is why leaders who seek to increase their leadership:

1. Genuinely become interested in other people

They understand human nature, truly enjoy the interaction with people and do things for other people without any ulterior motives.

In addition, they remember people’s name, learn to smile and to be cheerful in their presence.

Indeed, smiling is contagious and can change an entire situation.

2. Become versed in the art of conversation

Being a great conversationalist starts by listening to people and encouraging people to talk about themselves.

Therefore, leaders find out the other person’s interest and start from there.

3. Obey the Golden Rule

Leaders observe the rules of human relationships.

As a consequence, they obey the Golden Rule and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.

4. Use diplomacy

To win people over to your way of thinking, they:

  • Are diplomatic.
  • Avoid arguments at all cost.
  • Never tell a person that they are wrong.
  • Consider the other person’s feelings, ideas and point of view.
  • Show respect for another person’s point of view.
  • Admit their wrongs and appeal to nobler motives.
  • Admit their mistakes and talk about them.
  • Don’t give direct orders but suggestions.
  • Give people the opportunity to make decisions for themselves and to correct themselves.
  • Don’t hurt people’s self-esteem and don’t diminish them in their own eyes

Review

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie aims to educate adults into building healthy relationships and climbing up the social ladder.

Dale Carnegie shares contemporaneous and pragmatic principles that serve as guidelines for leaders who wish to network and grow their social capital.

Most of these principles are essential to life as much as the business world and will increase your skill in human relationship.

However, Dale Carnegie promotes the praising or “sucking up” game and uses the term “friend” very loosely.

That is because most of the principles are geared towards the business world and most of his examples are taken from people who have successfully implemented these principles.

Unfortunately, praises don’t work on everybody and is not a solution to all problems.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for.

Ratings 3.5/5

Author

Dale Carnegie

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The 5 Second Rule By Mel Robbins

The 5 Second Rule is a “metacognition technique” that improves your sense of self, your life, career, health.

The principle of The 5 Second Rule is the following:
“The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.” At 1, you should be moving.

The 5 Second Rule By Mel Robbins #motivation #inspiration #goals #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

Where does The 5 Second Rule come from?

The principle of The 5 Second Rule comes from the combination of two thoughts:

  • Mel Robbins, while feeling she failed at life, realized that she would take only 5 seconds to talk herself out of waking up in the morning, out of improving and doing the right thing.
  • One night, while watching TV, Mel Robbins also made the observation that a rocket launches after a 5 second countdown. Afterwards, she would launch herself out of bed, the same way the rocket would launch into space.

What are the benefits of The 5 Second Rule?

The 5 Second Rule is an empowering thought process. Through this principle, you are able to experience freedom and quiet your mind.

The 5 Second Rule enables you to trust your instincts, to take back control of your life, to make the right decisions.

Among its various applications, you will have the ability to improve your health, focus on the essentials, increase your productivity, break procrastination, avoid distractions, be authentic, replace your bad habits with good ones, get up early and start your routine early in the morning.
The 5 Second Rule is a tool that drives courage in difficult times and builds “Real Confidence”. It pushes you to act and to change.

What about courage?

When trying to change, when facing something that is uncertain, unknown, that scares you or makes you hesitate, your brain feels like something is wrong.

Your mind will then stop the change process and trap you with your own thoughts.

Courage, your birthright, is therefore required to push you forward and to implement change.

The 5 Second Rule will give you the courage you need to go after what you really want, to have a more fulfilling life and to not give in to your fears.

In addition, it is detrimental for you to stop making excuses for not acting on your instincts. Your excuses are always wrong and there is no right time.

No external factor will validate your choices and your ideas.

Only putting yourself out there and getting out your comfort zone will.

What about confidence?

Confidence is a skill which means it is a learnt behavior.

In fact, your confidence has nothing to do with your personality and will increase every time you step out of your comfort zone.

Your everyday courage will help you assess your own worth, build up your confidence, connect with yourself, find your true passion, build meaningful relationships, and meet new people.

Your everyday courage gives you the confidence to explore and makes you realize that the power you need was inside of you all along.

Review

The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins is a self-help book, urging people to take action by using a 5 second countdown trick.

In appearance, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins, looks like a time management book that provides quick short-term fixes.

However, in reality, The 5 Second Rule is a transformational tool, delivering long-term results.

It is written for people who are plagued by fear, who want to change and take charge of their lives but don’t know how to.

Change is difficult because it requires courage and confidence.

Furthermore, The 5 Second Rule can be customized to your liking. It enables you to:

  • Work on your confidence and your courage.
  • Stop overthinking, worrying and magnifying problems.
  • Trust your guts and honor your instincts.
  • Stop hesitating and holding yourself back.
  • Become more present and acquire patience.
  • Start performing and to become more goal-oriented.
  • Control your emotions, fight mental illnesses and bad mental habits.
  • Take ownership of your life and start the transformation process.

The 5 Second Rule is a principle that we already intuitively and intrinsically know.

But, after years of research, Mel Robbins coherently put these ideas together.

Mel Robbins also shares poignant quotes, real examples and testimonials of people who have used The 5 Second Rule for diverse reasons.

The 5 Second Rule is life changing, encouraging, motivational and inspirational. It shows you how to change for the better.

Favorite quote(s)

That’s what you are doing when you use the Rule. You are honoring yourself. You are championing your ideas. And each time you use it, you take one step closer to being the person you are truly meant to be.

Doing the work to improve your life is simple, you can do it, and it’s work you want to do—because it’s the most important work that there is. It is the work of learning how to love and trust yourself enough to stop waiting and to start leaning into all the magic, opportunity, and joy that your life, work, and relationships have to offer.

When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.

The difference between people who make their dreams come true and those of us who don’t is just one thing: the courage to start and the discipline to keep going.

Ratings 3.5/5

Author

Mel Robbins

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Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less by Greg Mckeown

“Less but better” embodies the ethic of Essentialism.

The essence of Essentialism

Essentialism is a way of thinking that drives success, that replaces false assumptions that we can do it all, that being busy means being productive, that we must accept every single opportunity that comes our way.

Essentialists understand that they have the ability to choose before they feel helpless and let someone else make decisions for them.

They acknowledge that hard work does not necessarily pay off or lead to great results. Essentialists therefore learn to distinguish among all opportunities the best and most appropriate, most essential.

They also understand that decisions are made by design and not by default.

They focus their energy and time on a small portion of activities, and refuse those that won’t help them achieve their goals.

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less by Greg Mckeown #books #bookreviews #essentialism #discipline #prioritization #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

The exploration and selection process

Essentialists give themselves the liberty to explore everything and anything before making a decisions on what to focus their energy, before committing to one option.

To do so, they:

  • Set aside time to think, to focus on different possibilities, to create space for intense concentration, to read, to meditate.
  • Visualize the bigger picture and notice the larger issues that matter.
  • Listen deliberately and observe intensely.
  • Write a journal, with restraint, until it becomes a habit to keep track of the small changes implemented and to memorize the important events and information.
  • Take time to play. In the workplace and in adulthood, playing has become trivial and undermined. However, playing sparks creativity, opens people up to see more possibilities, “challenges old assumptions and makes us more receptive to untested ideas”, alleviates stress, improve overall corporate skills.
  • Make sleep a priority to counter-intuitively remain productive, to increase creativity and sustain a healthy mind.
  • Apply the 90 percent rule, if unsure of a decision, to avoid committing to too many options in our personal and professional lives. “think about the single most important criterion for that decision, and then simply give the option a score between 0 and 100. If you rate it any lower than 90 percent, then automatically change the rating to 0 and simply reject”. For example, the 90 percent rule is useful to hire the right people and make sure that they are fit from the start.
  • Say no to the unwanted opportunities that come your way.
  • Fight the fear of missing out.

The elimination process

Furthermore, Essentialists find the courage, strength and conviction to firmly and resolutely say no to external pressure when they believe it is right and eliminate the nonessentials.

They clarify their goals, their personal and professional mission statements, make them concrete, measurable, meaningful and memorable, identify the activities that align themselves with their mission statements.

Clarifying their goals and missions improves their relationships, their motivation, sense of cooperation, sense of purpose, their jobs, roles.

It also helps them focus their energy and time in one direction and therefore increase productivity.

In the workplace, employees without a clear mission or values tend to play politics.

Often Nonessentialists are afraid of missing out on an opportunity or are afraid of conflict, of not being conform to expectations, to social norms, but saying no will increase your effectiveness and the respect level.

Nonessentialists would be better off if they:

  • Separated the person from their decisions.
  • Found different ways to say no politely but firmly. It is critical to be prepared for reactions of annoyance, disappointment or anger from the other party. However, respect usually replaces those emotions in the long run.
  • Traded the denied nonessential opportunities for better ones.
  • Realized that respect is more valuable than popularity.
  • Exercised discipline to remove distractions, cut their losses and stopped investing time, money and energy in nonessentials, dead-end activities.
  • Broke free from a false sense of ownership to a project and object.
  • Avoided staying somewhere just because they are afraid of wasting time, losing their investment and ownership.
  • Admitted their mistakes.
  • Avoided trying too hard to fit in.
  • Challenged the status quo.
  • Took a break before responding to someone and taking on a new commitment.
  • Set boundaries and viewed them as liberating. Essentialists write down their red flags, deal breakers, lay down their priorities and take heed of negative people.

The execution process

It is critical to come up with a system to execute your essential activities, the right things the right way.

To prepare for wet days or to allocate time to respond to the unexpected, Essentialists create a buffer.

The buffer is a contingency plan for difficult circumstances, works as a risk management strategy, ensures some wiggle room to execute their activities.

To create a buffer, Essentialists:

  • Accurately estimate the time of the activity by adding half the time that is expected to accomplish your tasks.
  • Identify early all obstacles in their plan and remove them beforehand.
  • Take small steps, increase positive interactions and congratulate themselves and their team for small wins.
  • Design a routine to improve their ability to execute the essentials, to render the process easy and unconscious, to remove obstacles, to save their energy in the long run, to enhance their creativity and innovation.
  • Stay in the present, avoid doing too many thing at once as opposed to doing many things and focusing on one thing at a time.

Favorite quote(s)

the pursuit of success can be a catalyst for failure. Put another way, success can distract us from focusing on the essential things that produce success in the first place.

Discerning what is essential to explore requires us to be disciplined in how we scan and filter all the competing and conflicting facts, options, and opinions constantly vying for our attention.

By definition, applying highly selective criteria is a trade-off; sometimes you will have to turn down a seemingly very good option and have faith that the perfect option will soon come along.

Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.

Review

In Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less, Greg Mckeown teaches us to hone our decisions making and time management skills in order to achieve more to do less and to do better, to filter out the noise and distractions, to find out what we really want out of life and pursue our dreams the most effective and disciplined way possible.

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less by Greg Mckeown is destined to overachievers, to ambitious people, and to those who feel like they are spread thin in their personal and professional lives.

Indeed, when we want to be successful, we have a tendency of accepting every opportunity that comes to us, we fear that we will be missing out and we worry about everything.

Greg Mckeown shows us that we have the power to choose, that it is OK to turn down a mediocre option, with the faith that a better option comes around.

Also, this book administers practical advice, applicable to leaders, illustrated with great examples, and made me realize the number of things that hinder my productivity and my time management.

At last, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less cannot be compared with New Years resolutions but provides a new way of thinking, a new way of life.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Greg Mckeown

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Daring Greatly By Brené Brown

Daring Greatly means being vulnerable, being engaged, being exposed and avoiding being perfect.

Daring Greatly By Brené Brown #book #bookreviews #vulnerability #selfimprovement #journeytoleadership journeytoleadershipblog.com

A Narcissistic Society

Many researchers have shown that the American culture has turned into a narcissistic influenced culture, a culture of scarcity, a culture where people put themselves first, think that they are special, are always connected to social media, go after money and power, chase beauty and other vanity, compare themselves, are disengaged and concerned with the idea of lacking.

Instead of putting sown narcissistic people and showing them that they are not special, it is better to seek understanding and find the root of the problem.

Being narcissistic stems from a feeling of not being enough and of being ordinary.

Vulnerability & The Feeling Of Not Being Enough

The feeling of not being enough brings about shame and stops us from being vulnerable.

Shame is a universal emotion, is corrosive, “keeps us small, resentful and afraid”.

Furthermore, we become disengaged when we are too afraid to be vulnerable, when we are ashamed, when we lack purpose, when a social contract is not met.

It is critical to speak out on your shame, to be self-aware, to know your self-worth, to ask and receive feedback because knowing your worth will help you become more vulnerable.

To eradicate the feeling of shame:

  • Identify your shame triggers.
  • Observe your self talk.
  • Practice authenticity.
  • Accept your experiences.
  • Share your experience, be vulnerable with someone who genuinely cares about you.

Common Misconceptions About Vulnerability

We are thought not to be vulnerable, not to show our emotions, to look down on those who do.

There are several misconceptions when it comes to vulnerability.

Misconception #1: “Vulnerability is weakness”

The reality is vulnerability is not a weakness, is not good or bad.

Vulnerable is the origin of all emotions. It therefore becomes important to acknowledge your vulnerability.

Besides, the people who think that they are impenetrable are in fact the most vulnerable.

Misconception #2: “I don’t do vulnerability”

Vulnerability is unavoidable.

When we try to avoid it, we often exhibit unusual inconsistent behaviors.

Misconception #3: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out”

You cannot be vulnerable with everyone. It is important to build trust and boundaries before being vulnerable.

Otherwise, more times than ever, you will end up getting betrayed and hurt.

Misconception #4: “We can go it alone”

Individualism and going it alone are highly regarded in American culture.

In this case, it is essential to construct a support system, to ask for and receive help

Shame As A Management Tool

Most of the time, shame and the blame game are used as management tool, yet is ineffective.

Subsequently, the situations that we face on a daily basis, in the education system, in the workplace, force us to keep our head down and our mouth shut which doesn’t encourage innovation, creativity or the learning process.

Vulnerability & Protective Mechanism

Our protective mechanisms are survival strategies, used to shield our vulnerability.

Those shields can go from foreboding joy, to perfectionism to numbing down your emotions.

To avoid shielding vulnerability, it is critical to:

  • Practice gratitude.
  • Appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Confront your emotions.
  • Live a more fulfilling life and feed your spirit.
  • Focus your time and energy on the essentials.
  • Consider how your behavior affect those around you.

Shield #1: Victim mentality

Some people go through life with a victim or perpetrator, win or lose mentally and subsequently fall into one of these categories.

Surprisingly, the people who have been through the most trauma, demonstrate the most resilience.

People who don’t feel like victims or perpetrators, see themselves as thrivers.

Shield #2: “Floodlighting”

Floodlighting is essentially oversharing and stems from a need for confirmation and validation.

We have to be careful not to share vulnerable stories too soon with people who have not earned the right to hear them.

The people on the receiving end often shut down, lack empathy or feel disconnected.

Shield #3: “The smash and grab”

With this shield, some people use vulnerability as a manipulation, sensationalizing tactic that is common in celebrity culture, as an attention seeking tool.

Shield #4: “Serpentining”

Serpentining is a draining and an avoidance behavior.

It happens when people are not facing a situation head on for fear of being vulnerable, of not being present.

Shield #5: Mean-spiritedness

In this case, people use criticism, cynicism and mean-spiritedness to protect themselves.

They are mean to people who dare demonstrate vulnerability.

Review

Daring Greatly is essential to leadership, parenting, relationships, finding your purpose and your passion.

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown gives insight into the corporate and the western culture where being vulnerable equals being weak and lets you open to different attacks.

Through Daring Greatly, Brown has gathered data from people from different walks of life so we can somewhat self diagnose and become more aware of some of our toxic behavior.

Brené Brown makes some pertinent point and writes exactly like she speaks.

Furthermore, Brown is very open and authentic, shares her anecdotes, fears and doubt. For example, she is vulnerable with us, mindful of the stories to share, lets us into her conversations with her therapist.

Brené Brown explains the reasons why we are afraid of being vulnerable, the different ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability, and how to become more vulnerable in our society.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.

Favorite quote(s)

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.

We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all—there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and
hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.

Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark. The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Brené Brown

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