In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer encourages people to be their Best Self.
What is your Best Self?
Your Best Self is unique, positive, evolved and aligned with your truth.
When you are being your best self, you are being your most authentic and at your core.
How to connect with your Best Self?
Connecting with your Best Self takes time and requires patience. To get in touch with your Best Self:
Express gratitude frequently to get out of a negative space. Make a gratitude list of everything that puts you in a good mood or elevates you in any kind of way.
Embrace change. Everybody can change if they want to, they just have to apply the right motivations.
Identify your fears. Once you have identified your fears, put them to the test to see if your assumptions are true, if they are rational, if they help you succeed, or if they serve your best interests.
Recognize any signs of egotistical behavior. Once you have acknowledge your behavior, assess the origins of it and get your ego in check.
Assessing your Best Self
“SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life”.
The SPHERES tool, create by Mike Bayer, is a screening tool used to assess your Best Self in all areas of your life.
Your social life
In the SPHERES tool, your social situation determines how well you project your Best Self to the world.
It then becomes imperative to analyze how you interact with people. You can also assess your ability to send clear messages, to listen to others, to embrace human emotions, to handle highly charged situations, to give and receive feedback.
Your personal life
Your personal life contains your self-image, your self-talk, the level of compassion and respect you have for yourself.
To create the personal life that you want, you will have to:
Rewire your brain to think positively by challenging your internal dialogue.
Get familiar with what you are constantly telling yourself.
Identify the messages you tell yourself when you are under pressure.
Log your thoughts and your self-talk, identify the common themes and tones.
Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels before they snowball. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely be able to take care of others.
Connect with your passions. Your passions will vary throughout your life. Your passions will allow you to express yourself, to strengthen your bond with your Best Self and vibrate at a higher frequency. To find your passions, explore new things, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone.
Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be present, keep a clear mind and achieve your Best Self.
Remaining in a “lifetime learning mode” will help you evolve into your Best Self and become more self-aware.
Once you find your passions, you will take pleasure in acquiring knowledge in that field.
Your Best Self will gauge who you want to be around, judge the health of a relationship and help you make the tough decisions.
In order to stay connected to your Best Self in all relationships, you must define your core values, exercise them and identify the people who live up to them.
We spend most of our days at work.
So, when we are not able to fully be ourselves, our work life tends to become draining.
It somehow becomes important to nurture our Best Selves at work or create a career path that allows us to maximize our potential at work.
In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer shares tips and tools to help you achieve your Best Self. He helps you make a diagnostic of all the aspects of your life and provides practical solutions to your problems.
Furthermore, Best Self: Be You, Only Better is a workbook that teaches you how to fix what’s inside to fix outside. It is on point when it comes to assessing people’s behavior and can conveniently be revisited several time in your life.
Best Self: Be You, Only Better is ideal for leaders who want to improve their leadership skills and bring their best selves at work. It becomes clear that if you are your best self, you can create the best teams, take care of others and create the best organization.
With this workbook:
Get in touch with your Best Self.
Reach your highest potential.
Find more balance in your life.
Evolve, change, reinvent yourself and improve your life.
Learn to handle adversity and crisis.
Discover your truth and your purpose.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Many of society’s “rules” simply don’t apply to us as individuals, and if we spend all our energy on trying to be, do, say, and act like society wants us to, we are simply wasting time we could be spending on discovering and connecting with our Best Self.
Self-care is foundational to living your ideal life.
Be aware of your negativity. To become self-ware, practice silence, define your passion, principles and purpose.
Prohibit the negative self-talk.
Focus on positive self-talk or affirmations. Add positive imagery and feelings to those affirmations.
Find a mantra or an affirmation that will run in the background of your mind.
How to gain mental toughness?
Mental toughness is sustaining positive focus on one task, on the one thing that keeps you going.
Mental toughness helps you concentrate on your tasks for long periods of time without any distractions.
To develop mental toughness:
Practice concentration on a daily basis.
Understand that your overall success depends on every single choice that you make.
Acknowledge that the small choices lead you towards excellence and shape your life the most.
Educate yourself on how stress works, how you react to it and learn to eliminate it from your life.
Develop the disciplines of a Warrior
According to Mark Divine, Warriors are those who have achieved mental control and mental toughness.
They have learnt to discipline their mind so they can focus on the things that matter most, maintain positive focus when they need it most, avoid being distracted by negative emotions and negative beliefs.
Since the Warrior is committed to mastering himself or herself, he or she has mastered the following disciplines:
Simplicity. They have learnt to detach themselves from material things that they don’t need.
Dedication. They apply themselves daily but don’t take themselves too seriously.
The Obstacle is the Way : The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph is a motivational book that encourages people to withstand adversity and to take action despite adversity.
Ryan Holiday shares a philosophical approach, rooted in stoicism, that will help you confront obstacles and turn them upside down.
The Obstacle is the Way : The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph is destined for leaders and entrepreneurs who:
Face challenges on a daily basis,
Need to make pragmatic decisions and take calculated risks,
Want to take their career or business to the next level.
Holiday‘s entire book is based on classical references, historical figures and war leaders, who have distinguished themselves in life and who have adopted stoicism as a life strategy.
Finally, Ryan Holiday also incorporates reputable leaders and entrepreneurs as examples of resilience and will power.
If you want to stay motivated and push through your challenges, this book is for you.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Our perceptions can be a source of strength or of great weakness. If we are emotional, subjective and shortsighted, we only add to our troubles.
Obstacles make us emotional, but the only way we’ll survive or overcome them is by keeping those emotions in check—if we can keep steady no matter what happens, no matter how much external events may fluctuate.
Focusing exclusively on what is in our power magnifies and enhances our power. But every ounce of energy directed at things we can’t actually influence is wasted—self-indulgent and self-destructive. So much power—ours, and other people’s—is frittered away in this manner.
If you mean it when you say you’re at the end of your rope and would rather quit, you actually have a unique chance to grow and improve yourself. A unique opportunity to experiment with different solutions, to try different tactics, or to take on new projects to add to your skill set.
Leadership requires determination and energy. And certain situations, at times, call on leaders to marshal that determined energy simply to endure.
Personal power is essential, removes fear, quiets inhibitions, protects you against your negative emotions, allows you to forgive easier and fluctuates in time.
In addition, your personal power makes you fearless, gives your more freedom, and makes you less susceptible to external pressures.
However, it can be acquired using different tactics. For example, you can use breathing techniques and power poses to trigger personal power.
When we have personal power, we tend to remain calm, to have more control and to expand ourselves in order to take place.
Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy revolves mainly about managing your nonverbal cues to induce Presence, identifying your best authentic self, nurturing your boldest self, and creating personal power.
In Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, Amy Cuddy:
Aims to help people with imposter syndrome, who are in difficult challenges, who feel powerless and distracted.
Gives advice on how to handle conflict, how to stay optimistic, to act confident, even when you don’t feel confident, until you become confident.
Wants people to gain more control over their lives.
Uses stories from people around the world who have seen her TED Talk to inspire and convey her message.
I have to say, I enjoyed the topic of personal power the most. Often, we see leaders who are afraid of going against the grain, try to fit in and to please their team, only to find out that it’s an impossible task.
Some lead using their social power, leveraging salary for work but lack influence and personal power.
Needless to say, their success will depend highly on how they carry themselves, on their verbal and non verbal cues.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Presence stems from believing in and trusting yourself—your real, honest feelings, values, and abilities.
Presence, as I mean it throughout these pages, is the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential.
A truly confident person does not require arrogance, which is nothing more than a smoke screen for insecurity. A confident person—knowing and believing in her identity—carries tools, not weapons. A confident person does not need to one-up anyone else. A confident person can be present to others, hear their perspectives, and integrate those views in ways that create value for everyone.
Power makes us approach. Powerlessness makes us avoid.
The feeling that arises from personal power is not the desire to have control; it’s the effortless feeling of being in control—lucid, calm, and not dependent on the behavior of others.
Being a boss is a full-time job and is not as easy as it seems.
The truth is, being the boss can be an emotional rollercoaster.
It requires maturity, focus and emotional discipline, especially when dealing with people.
That is why Kim Scott has established a few principles that can help bosses create a culture of candor, build stable relationships and evolve into great bosses.
According to Kim Scott, managers, leaders or bosses:
Deal with people.
Express what they think.
Build and guide cohesive teams.
Accept and give fair and candid feedback.
As you can see, Kim Scott makes no distinction between a boss, a leader and a manager because eventually, they have to assume different roles and master different skills at different moments.
They all have to find out a way to get what they want by saying what they mean.
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean
Why and how to build relationships?
The relationships you have with your team determine your level of success, company culture, and performance.
To build great relationships that will help your business:
Take care of yourself first.
Stay centered and create a healthy work life balance.
Find out what works best for you and apply it.
Care personally about people.
Respect boundaries and people physical space. It is detrimental to find a balance between creating personal yet professional bonds.
Spend time alone with your team members.
Stay true to your values and share them if possible.
Be transparent and aware of your emotions.
Discipline your reactions. Learn to respond and not react.
Why and how to build a great team?
People’s motivations are personal.
Every team member can be exceptional, they just have to find the right fit and the right motivations.
Needless to say, work life is better when your team loves what they do.
To build a great team:
Get to know the people on your team. Focus more on them than on results.
Understand people’s strength and weaknesses, identify how they tick and how their job fits into their life plan.
Avoid micromanaging or ignoring your team members.
Allocate as much time to those who are struggling as the top performers.
Listen to your team members, learn to incorporate their thinking into yours, and give them the opportunity to complain, share ideas, and raise issues. This way, you will create a culture of innovation.
Why and how to accept/give feedback?
Feedback is an uncomfortable process. To accept and give proper feedback:
Earn your team’s trust.
Listen more than you speak.
Understand what motivates your team and help them avoid burnout or boredom.
Understand your audience and adapt to it.
See feedback as an act of guidance and don’t make it personal.
Solicit feedback especially in private conversations and outside of meetings.
Voice your own disagreements. Speak up when things are not going well.
Take responsibility fo your actions and admit when you have made a mistake
Discern the truth from a lie when it comes to feedback.
Be humble in your delivery and state that you want to help.
Why and how to achieve results?
Every boss wants results. To achieve results:
Have frequent one on one conversation with your team and with a positive mindset. Have a one on one conversation with your team members to get to know them, to solve problems effectively and to help you understand what is working and what is not.
Create key metrics to measure progress. Write down any possible updates.
Create meetings where you can debate, encourage new ideas and make big decisions.
Test out the feasibility of the ideas you have received.
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean By Kim Scott is a step by step guide on how to be a candid boss.
It is about building candid relationships with the people you work with and about using your humanity as a leadership tool.
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean By Kim Scott essentially takes the pressure off leaders.
The principles shared expose candor as a management tool, put bosses at ease and help them understand that there is more to being a boss than giving orders.
In addition, the principles shared remove fear, self-doubt and anxiety, then create an understanding regarding the role of a boss.
Furthermore, Kim Scott uses her own experiences at Google and Adsense to drive the conversation and to illustrate her ideas about radical candor.
She provides amazing tools and techniques to implement in order to be a great boss and to have a healthy relationship with your direct reports.
Her tools and techniques are detailed and are not exclusive to bosses.
Finally, the best thing about this book is that you can tell that Kim Scott cares about the career advancement and the emotional health of every boss.
Through radical candor, she demonstrates how to improve all aspects of your work life.
You don’t have to implement every tool or technique right away.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
In order to build a great team, you need to understand how each person’s job fits into their life goals
The way you treat people determines whether you’ll get their best effort, a perfunctory effort, or an effort to sabotage you.
The 10X Rule By Grant Cardoneis an inspirational and motivational book, written for leaders, entrepreneurs and anyone who wishes to be successful.
It forces you to reevaluate your goals, your purpose and your definition of success.
It encourages you to take risks, “act, produce and create in massive quantities regardless of the situation or circumstances.”
It demonstrates how to be and stay the leader in any field. The 10X Rule focuses on your character, your mindset and your goal-setting skills.
Most of the time, we struggle to reach our goals and don’t understand why. But, Grant Cardone makes it very clear that:
You must be self-aware and self-assured.
You are the only one that stands in front of your goals.
Success depends integrally on the effort, time and energy that you put in.
Most of what society claims to be wrong is an inherent part of success.
To Grant Cardone success is a mindset and is determined by your purpose.
The 10X Rule is not a get rich quick trick. Remember:
All goals are difficult to achieve.
You will always face some type of adversity.
You must assess your abilities and your resources.
Your goals must be extraordinary, appropriate and require motivation.
Success must be constantly maintained.
You current state doesn’t matter.
The way you are perceived doesn’t matter.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
When you have underestimated the time, energy, and effort necessary to do something, you will have “quit” in your mind, voice, posture, face, and presentation. You won’t develop the persistence necessary to get your mission accomplished.
Never take the position that things just happen to you; rather, they happen because of something you did or did not do.
Until a person is done being a victim, he or she is unable to create solutions and success. That person only has problems.
The most valuable chips you have are your mind-set, actions, persistence, and creativity.
If you are not creating new problems for yourself, then you aren’t taking enough action.
What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldsmith serves as a roadmap to help you get where you want to go in life and at work.
What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldsmith helps people:
Get into leadership position.
Put your vision into action.
Identify and change bad habits.
Succeed and reach higher heights of success.
Understand that the same skills that got you previous success and won’t get you to the next level.
Why is it so hard to stop a bad habit?
It is not easy for successful people to change their behavior because their past successes have acted as positive reinforcement and have solidified some of your behaviors.
Furthermore, stopping a bad behavior isn’t as rewarded as you would think but it detrimental to success.
Indeed, we don’t get as much credit for stopping something as much as starting something.
Successful people either assume that:
They are right and everybody else is wrong.
People who want them to change are confused.
What you think about them doesn’t matter to them.
Their behavior is not hindering their success.
Changing their behavior is not worth it.
To get people to change their behavior, it is important to have them identify what they value most and somewhat “threaten” that value.
21 Habits That Got You Here But Won’t Get You There
Some people are successful in spite of their behavior.
Understand that you can be successful in spite of your flaws.
Recognize our bad behavior.
Examine your behaviors to see what feelings are attached to them.
Avoid attacking value to the bad behavior that you associate with success.
Find a reason to change, an example that will act as a positive reinforcement.
Marshall Goldsmith exhibits 21 behaviors that alienate people, that you need to stop and that are simple to correct.
Habit #1. Winning too much
In the case, the urge to win is strong and is triggered in any situation, whether it matters or not.
However, the need to win can limit your success because it can destroy relationships.
Habit #2. Adding too much value
Another habit of smart people is always feeling the need to add value to every discussion, to run the show.
They need to let everybody know that they already know or that they know a better way.
The need to add value is simple a variation of the need to win.
Habit #3. Passing judgment
Passing judgement pushes people away because people do not like to be rated or critiqued.
Imposing your standards on people, approving or disapproving of people’s decision will make you seem unwelcoming and disagreeable.
Habit #4. Making destructive comments
Some people make destructive comments without thinking: they put people down, they hurt them or assert themselves as their superiors.
This habit of making hurtful and sarcastic remarks quickly erodes teamwork and cooperation.
It can stem from a habit of always being candid or from a need to sound sharp and witty.
Habit #5. Starting with “No”, “But” or “However”
Starting with “No”, “But” or “However” says that whatever the other person is saying is wrong and what you are saying is right.
The use of these negative qualifiers comes from a need to win and defend your position.
Habit #6. Telling the world how smart we are
The need to demonstrate how smart you are is a variation of the need to win, to gain people’s admiration and to communicate that you are two steps ahead of everyone else.
Habit #7. Speaking when angry
Anger can be a valuable management tool but it does not guarantee how people will react to your emotional outbursts.
However, anger is not a leadership tool. Using anger as a tool says that you are out of control and that you cannot lead. It stifles your ability to change and brands you as being emotionally volatile.
Habit #8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”
Everybody avoids negative people in the workplace.
Negative people find problems to every one of your solutions.
They are not helpful. They don’t add value but they want to demonstrate that their knowledge is superior to everybody else’s.
Habit #9. Withholding information
Withholding information is part of corporate culture and is used to gain power.
People who withhold information answer questions with a question, tend to be passive aggressive and promote mistrust.
It becomes important to improve your communications skills, to make sharing information a priority, and to inform people what you are up to.
Habit #10. Failing to give proper recognition
People who are unable to praise and reward, who don’t recognize the contribution of others technically withhold information.
People who are not recognized feel unsuccessful, unappreciated, forgotten and ignored.
Habit #11. Claiming credit that we don’t deserve
The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.
People who claim credit withhold praise and congratulations, overlook the right people, deprive them from recognition.
People who claim credit are thieves and need to win. Whether you are the perpetrator or the victim of credit hogging:
Write down every time you congratulate yourself per day.
Review your list and discern who deserves credit.
Habit #12. Making excuses
Making excuses is not a viable leadership strategy and stops self-development.
Excuses are different from explanation. However, most people use excuses to explain their failures.
Habit #13. Clinging to the past
The past explains a lot of our behavior.
Most people live in the past because they can blame others for things that happened to them.
However, clinging to the past is unhealthy. The past cannot be changed, rewritten or excuses. It can only be accepted.
Habit #14. Playing favorites
Some leaders unknowingly play favorites.
They encourage people who serve them, praise them and admire them unconditionally.
Playing favorites is dangerous because you select the wrong people, you favor people who don’t necessarily like you, you fail to recognize the people who deserve it.
Habit #15. Refusing to express regret
People who refuse to express regret are unable to forgive, to apologize, to admit their wrongs, to cede power or control.
Refusing to apologize can create a toxic workplace. However, apologizing is powerful tool.
Habit #16. Not listening
Lack of attention is one of the most common bad habits in the workplace.
Not listening to someone demonstrates that you are impatient, don’t care about what they are saying, that they are wasting your time, that you don’t understand what they are saying.
Habit #17. Failing to express gratitude
Expressing gratitude is a powerful and essential tool to success.
Habit #18. Punishing the messenger
Punishing the messenger tend to attack those who blow the whistle and who bring bad news to us.
Habit #19. Passing the buck
The need to blame everyone but ourselves.
Passing the buck means finding a scapegoat, blaming others for our mistakes.
Leaders who pass the buck are difficult to follow because they don’t take responsibility for their actions.
Habit #20. An excessive need to be “me”
People who feel the need to be themselves hold on to behaviors they think intrinsically define them.
They refuse to change because they see it as being inauthentic.
The truth is they have a limited definition of themselves.
Habit #21. Goal obsession
Goal obsession can drive to success but it can also drive to failure.
Goal obsession or obsessing over the wrong goals become negative when you force yourself to achieve your goals in spite of the bigger picture, of your manners and your character.
How To Overcome These 21 Habits?
To dispel these habits, it is important to learn what type of information is appropriate to share, when and how to convey information, who to ask for information, how to discern useful information.
To overcome these 21 habits:
Ask for feedback. Change does not happen with negative feedback but with honest and helpful feedback.
Get feedback on your own from your surroundings and from how people react to you.
Learn to apologize for your bad behavior to the people who matter most to you. By apologizing, you mend broken relationships and overcome negative emotions.
Demonstrate changed behavior or your intention to change your behavior.
Listen more than you speak and listen with respect.
Follow up on your progress by asking your coworkers.
Discuss the behavior you are changing to one person and ask them for suggestions in the future.
What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldsmith is a very insightful book. It serves as a workplace guide of the things not to do.
It is written for leaders and for people who want to move up in life and at work.
According to Marshall Goldsmith, everybody has a at least six to eight habits that need to be stopped. From the look of it, we are all guilty of these habits.
What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldsmith is definitely a good place to start when you are looking to improve, when you are looking to understand the people and the different dynamics in the workplace.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
We have to stop couching all our behavior in terms of positive or negative. Not all behavior is good or bad. Some of it is simply neutral. Neither good nor bad.
the higher you go, the more your problems are behavioral.
As we advance in our careers, behavioral changes are often the only significant changes we can make.
If we can stop excusing ourselves, we can get better at almost anything we choose.
Gratitude is a skill that we can never display too often. And yet for some reason, we are cheap and chary with gratitude—as if it were rare Bordeaux wine that we can serve only on special occasions. Gratitude is not a limited resource, nor is it costly. It is as abundant as air. We breathe it in but forget to exhale.
All day, we are bombarded with things that we are supposed to care about. In the end, we are made to think that we should care about those things.
Therefore, we constantly feel the need to look for better in order to impress, to feel insecure, to fake emotions, to compare ourselves with others and to live a “good” life.
Truthfully, to be successful, to live a good life and to overcome those feelings, it is detrimental to confront painful emotions, to care less about pain and to care more about what is important.
The Meaning To Not Giving A F**k
Caring too much about futile things is a sign that you don’t have anything better going on in your life. However, not caring is liberating. By caring less, Mark Manson means:
Stop trying so hard and stop investing too much energy in things.
Pursue failures and not success, pain and not pleasure. Failures eventually lead to success and confronting negativity leads to growth.
Embrace negative emotions and use your pain as a tool.
Take action even though your circumstances and emotions are overwhelming.
Discern the situations and the people who matter.
Understand that life is short and there is no time to waste on futility.
Be authentic and “comfortable with being different”.
Choose something to care about that matters more than adversity.
How To Not Giving A F**k?
There are a few principles to practice in order to care less:
Understand that pain is inevitable, incessant yet it is necessary. It triggers change and helps us avoid making the same mistakes.
Understand that you cannot control everything and that life will always throw you curve balls. Everything in life requires sacrifice.
Understand that you’ll be fine no matter what.
Don’t base your life and reactions on your emotions.
Don’t repress your emotions. Instead, use your negative emotions to motivate you and to do better.
Take action in order to create positive emotions.
Accept yourself. Get comfortable with yourself and with failure. It doesn’t make sense to avoid failure. Failure is painful but it boosts change and welcomes success.
Control your thoughts.
Change your values to build your character.
We all care about something and it’s impossible not to. You must just figure out what level of pain you are willing to sustain.
Acknowledge that if some people take you seriously and consider you as a change agent, others will make fun at you and see you as an embarrassment.
Take responsibility for your problems and for your experiences.
Acknowledge your ignorance or lack of knowledge. Invest in your personal growth nad challenge your beliefs.
Don’t avoid rejection. Learn to handle rejection and to say no in return.
Be conscious of your own death. Don’t be afraid of your own death. Let the possibility of death transform you and give your life meaning.
To be frank, I heard a lot about The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k By Mark Manson. Not only was I intrigued by the title but by the press around this book.
As the year goes by, we see the emergence of a lot of books with a colorful language. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k By Mark Manson is a motivational book that encourages transformation. It promotes the need to be honest with yourself, to determine your limitations, your strengths and weaknesses.
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k is a funny book with far-fetched metaphors. Yet, it is honest about itself. It:
Warns us to be selective on the things that we care about.
Promotes the concept of not caring about what people think, of not letting people or our emotions overwhelm you.
Denounces life’s false expectations and disillusion.
Demonstrates how life is imperfect.
Stops you from seeking for outside validation, searching for bigger and better, living in the superlatives, from trying to impress, from maintaining appearances, feeling the need to prove ourselves to society and from promoting a fake life on social media.