Leadership Blindspots: How Successful Leaders Identify and Overcome the Weaknesses That Matter by Robert Bruce Shaw

Great leadership emanates from an ability to make great decisions which comes from making bad decisions and learning from them. The sooner in your career that those bad decisions are made, the better…

Of course, you make fewer mistakes as you progress in your career and as you experience the outcomes of the mistakes, but you never stop making them. In addition, mistakes are more costly as you move up the ladder in a company and can potentially derail your career.

Leadership Blindspots: How Successful Leaders Identify and Overcome the Weaknesses That Matter by Robert Bruce Shaw #book #books #bookreview   #bookreviews #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #selfdevelopment https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

How to characterize leadership blindspots?

First of all, leadership blindspots  are often associated to leadership strengths. They appear whenever the leader is utilizing his or her strengths at work.

Second of all, these blindspots don’t disappear, even if you are fully aware of them.

Thirdly, blind spots are situational, adaptive and can be helpful. And finally, blindspots are able to impact other people and followers.

Advice for understanding and dealing with leadership blindspots?

Furthermore, blindspots come with a price and has to be recognized by the leader in order for him or her to find a balance. To do so, leaders have to weigh two conflicting needs:

  1. their need for acting with confidence, believing strongly in their vision, and having faith in themselves, their abilities.
  2. their need for assessing their limitations in order to avoid overconfidence or excessive optimism.

The complex balance between self-confidence and self-doubt is unnatural, contradictory but necessary, depends on each individual and each situation. If there are too many blindspots, the leader can be overly confident and arrogant. If there are too few, the leader is somewhat realistic about the obstacles to face, is aware of his or her strengths and weaknesses.

Are there different levels of blindness?

There are three levels of blindness that a leader could experience:

  1. Lack of awareness level. This is the “most extreme form of a blindspot”. At this level, leaders are constantly surprised or blindsided by events.
  2. Faulty assessment level. At this level, leaders are in denial: they refuse to acknowledge risks, to analyze known weaknesses, and to understand the causes and consequences of their blindspots.
  3. Failure to act level. At this level, leaders know the risks, threats and weaknesses that lay ahead but fail to act on them for lack of skills and resolve. Those leaders are adept to the rule “when in doubt, do nothing” or rather remain in their comfort zones.

How to identify your leadership blindspots? 

In order to identify your blindspots:

  1. Review your past and present mistakes. Mistakes are indicative of areas of lack of self-awareness and areas of faulty patterns of thinking and behavior. It is advised  to identify the most significant mistakes, their causes, patterns of behavior and thinking associated to these mistakes and the actions to be taken on the behalf of the leader to prevent those mistakes from reoccurring.
  2. Consider honest and useful feedback from your trusted advisors.
  3. Gain additional insight by taking the blindspot assessment survey.

Then, question the relative importance of your blindspots in your career and its impacts on yourself, the organization to  distinguish which blindspot requires your immediate attention.

What are the different types of leadership blindspots?

Robert Bruce Shaw has classified leadership blindspots in 20 categories:

  1. “Overestimating your strategic capabilities”
  2. “Valuing being right over being effective”
  3. “Failing to balance the what with the how”
  4. “Not seeing your impact on others”
  5. “Believing the rules don’t apply to you”
  6. “Thinking the present is the past”
  7. “Failing to focus on the vital few”
  8. “Taking for granted your team model”
  9. “Overrating the talent on your team”
  10. “Avoiding the tough conversations”
  11. “Trusting the wrong individuals”
  12. “Not developing real successors”
  13. “Failing to capture hearts and minds”
  14. “Losing touch with your shop floor”
  15. “Treating information and opinion as fact”
  16. “Misreading the political landscape”
  17. “Putting personal ambition before the company”
  18. “Clinging to the status quo”
  19. “Underestimating your competitors”
  20. “Being overly optimistic”

Which factors trigger blindspots?

Blindspots often go hand in hand with the leader’s strengths and reappear unexpectedly when the leader does what he or she does best.

There are few factors that lead to blindspots areas:

  1. Experience gaps“. The blindspot stems from a lack of experience or from a habit of using past experiences to extrapolate a present situation.
  2. Information overload” describes an inability to pay attention to everything that is happening when engaged in a complex and challenging task.
  3. Emotional bias” corresponds to an emotional involvement in a particular situation or outcome that clouds judgement.
  4. Cognitive dissonance” is a psychology term associated to a state in which leaders hold two conflicting views of their self-image. The “conflict is resolved through rationalizing one’s belief or actions in a manner that sustains one’s positive self-image” which reinforces the blindspot.
  5. “Misaligned incentives” are compensation systems that are “designed to focus attention and effort within an organization, with the result being that people focus more on some areas than on others”.
  6. Hierarchical distortion”. The information transmitted to hierarchy becomes distorted, false, incomplete because:
    • high-ranking leaders are sometimes detached from the lower levels of the organization.
    • subordinates tend to sugarcoat information by deference or by fear of retaliation.
    • high-ranking leaders pay less attention to less powerful people.
  7. Overconfidence“. Leaders overestimates their own capabilities, skills and knowledge.

How to overcome blindspots?

According to Robert Bruce Shaw, it is not possible to completely suppress blindspots but it is important to recognize them and find ways to work with them? To handle blindspot:

  1. Make an assessment of the problem on your own, stay on contact with frontliners, customers, markets and high potential individuals.
  2. Invest in metrics, processes and data that challenge the leader’s beliefs and basic assumptions.
  3. Develop an ability to recognize, prioritize blindspot warning signs.
  4. Consider feedback from trusted advisors.
  5. “Leaders need to test their ideas and discuss emerging threats with a diverse team of individuals who respect each other’s experience and abilities but are also willing to push each other to reach the best outcomes on the truly critical issues”.

In conclusion, leaders are flawed individuals with strengths, weaknesses and blindspots that are to be acknowledged. Blindspots often show up when the leader is using his or her strengths or reverts to their comfort zone, and cannot be completely resolved. It is up to the leader to stay on the lookout for blindspots, to strike up a balance between self-confidence and self-doubt.

Review

indexIn Leadership Blindspots: How Successful Leaders Identify and Overcome the Weaknesses That Matter, Robert Bruce Shaw analyses leadership behaviors when it comes to blindspots and weaknesses.

He illustrates every single one of his thoughts on blindspots with great and renown leadership examples and concludes each example with an analysis and lessons to take away.

Furthermore, not only this book contains realistic and applicable examples, each paragraph of this book can be read on standalone. In addition, Robert Bruce Shaw provides us with a tool —the blindspot assessment survey— for us to identify whether or not we possess blindspots and to what degree we have incubated them.

I recommend this book to employees who are failing to lead and to boost their careers. It has come to my knowledge that because of my belief system, I am an adept of the rule “when in doubt, stand still” which has not bothered my career but has increased my serenity.

After taking the blindspot assessment test, I have received a low probability of blindspots as I am self-aware of my strengths and of my weaknesses.

In light of this issue, in Leadership Blindspots, Robert Bruce Shaw investigates the existence of leadership blindspot, an “unrecognized weakness or threat that has the potential to undermine a leader’s success” and that becomes evident in the way your team, organizations and markets are perceived.

Finally, Leadership Blindspots was intriguing to me because there are so many books about leadership strengths and developing them. I equally appreciated the fact that he mentioned the need for transparency (better visibility of mistakes thanks to the media) which put leaders are under a lot of pressure, all while trying to overcome their blindspots.

Favorite quote(s)

People who are smart and self-assured are often very skillful at justifying their thinking and behavior—to the point of being in denial about their weaknesses and the threats they face. Their intelligence can work against them when they convince themselves, and often others, that they are right even when they are wrong.
Successful individuals who sometimes stumble often do so because they have no one who can protect them from themselves.
The best leaders develop a range of compensating mechanisms that fit their personalities and the company cultures in which they work. In many cases these leaders don’t fundamentally change the way they think, but instead develop warning systems that surface important weaknesses and threats.

Ratings 3/5

Author

Robert Bruce Shaw

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Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words For Influence and Impact By Phil M. Jones

Most people don’t share their ideas or go after what they truly want because they are afraid of rejection and don’t know how to use the right words at the right time…

Below are 23 magical phrases that will get you to start conversations, share ideas, influence people, assist people in taking decisions and achieve personal success.

Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words For Influence and Impact By Phil M. Jones #book #books #bookreviews #influence #impact #,negotiation #negotiationskills https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

1. “I’m Not Sure If It’s for You, But”

This phrase is an opening statement, used to introduce a person, an idea, product or service, to remove pressure and to spike interest without going through rejection.

2. “How Open-Minded Are You?”

In general, people love to think of themselves as open-minded. Everybody wants to be open-minded.
Before making any statement, asking people whether or not they are open-minded allows you to introduce new ideas, gain their support, and having them agree with you.

3. “What Do You Know?”

When sharing ideas, some people feel the need to be right or demonstrate that they know best. By finding out what the other person knows before sharing your knowledge, this statement helps you overcome preconceptions, avoid debates and arguments when trying to share new concepts.

4. “How Would You Feel If?”

“How Would You Feel If?” allows you to understand what motivates people and what emotions trigger their decision making process.

The truth is that emotions and motivation tactics are used in all “areas of negotiation, influence and persuasion”.
Indeed, motivation is a reason to step into action and emotions are reason enough to make a decision.
Used effectively, motivation and emotions can be used to make people step into action.

5. “Just Imagine”

“Just Imagine” is employed to use people’s creative mind, to prop people into action by setting a powerful preface and to bring a decision into reality.

People tend to imagine the outcome of a decision in their mind before actually implementing that decision in reality.
That is why sharing a story before asking someone to make a decision is helpful and creates a picture in the mind of the other person.

6. “When Would Be a Good Time?”

This phrase prevents people from telling you that they don’t have the time to listen to you and subconsciously sets the idea that their will be a good time for you to make your point.

7. “I’m Guessing You Haven’t Got Around To”

“I’m Guessing You Haven’t Got Around To” is used when you want to indirectly ask someone whether or not they have gotten the time to do what you asked.

“I’m Guessing You Haven’t Got Around To” allows the other person to feel proud if they have accomplished what you have asked for or it allows them to save face and it gives them the opportunity to step up to the plate.

8. Simple swaps

Asking open-ended questions instead of closed ended questions is more effective for conversation-making.

9. “You Have Three Options”

Presenting people with three options reduces their choices and subsequently helps them through the decision-making process.

10. “There are two types of people in this world”

“There are two types of people in this world” is a sentence that assists people in making up their minds by making wonder what kind of people they actually are, by reducing their choices and allowing them to choose.

11. “I Bet You’re a Bit Like Me”

“I Bet You’re a Bit Like Me” is an opening statement that gets people to quickly agree with you.

12. “If… Then”

“If you don’t do this, then this will happen!” are conditional statements that we have heard since childhood, that most people still believe in and that will guarantee an outcome.

13. “Don’t Worry”

This phrase helps in keeping a highly stressful situation under control and improve someone else’s level of anxiety.

14. “Most People”

Putting “Most People” in front of any sentence, when making a case, makes people feel confident about their decisions.

15. “The Good News”

“The Good News” puts a positive spin on a negative situation and shifts people’s perspective.

16. “What Happens Next”

This statement explains the next stages of the interaction and leads the conversation towards a conclusion.

17. “What Makes You Say That?”

“What Makes You Say That?” maintains control over the conversation, allows the other person to openly express their objections and make a decision.

18. “Before You Make Your Mind Up”

The phrase “Before You Make Your Mind Up” is useful to make someone change their minds, switch their refusal to a potential agreement.

19. “If I Can, Will You?”

Some people find excuses or reasons why they cannot go along with the suggested idea.
Asking “If I can do this for you, will you do this for me?” opens the door for more agreement.

20. “Enough”

Finding out what someone else considers to be enough can encourage them to agree with you or your concept.

21. “Just One More Thing”

The words “Just One More Thing” allow the continuation of the conversation and the introduction of an alternative idea.

22. “A Favor”

People secretly wish that someone would do them a favor and make their lives easier.
Therefore, when someone ask them for a favor, people oftentimes commit to the task at hand or tend to agree with the idea.

23. “Just Out of Curiosity”

“Just Out of Curiosity” provides clarity on the other person’s thought process.

Review

In Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words For Influence and Impact, after years of studies, Phil M. Jones shares the chosen words that are able to create results, help influence and direct conversation. These 23 magical phrases could be used personally and professionally, in all areas of leadership, negotiation, and sales.

This book is recommended for people who:

  • Regularly speak for a living, who want to change the way they speak and are serious about their personal success.
  • Want to know what to say, how to say it and to whom in every situation.
  • Always wish to be prepared for almost every conversation.

Exactly What To Say: The Magic Words For Influence and Impact by Phil M. Jones is a demonstration of the power or words and the reason why they have to be used carefully.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

The subconscious brain is a powerful tool in decision-making because it is preprogrammed through our conditioning to make decisions without overanalyzing them.

Success in life and business is rarely achieved without the support of others. If you can do things that allow other people to help you achieve your goals, then the chances of you reaching them significantly increase.

Ratings 3.5/5

Author

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Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be By Rachel Hollis

The lies Society, media, family members, bosses tell us can easily become our Truth.

There are many lies that stand at the basis of our insecurities and that are stopping us from becoming who we really want to become…

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be By Rachel Hollis #book #books #bookreviews #selfawareness #selfdevelopment #selfimprovement #changemindset #successmindset https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

1. The Lie about Happiness

We always think that the grass is always greener on the other side.

However, this is not always true and we must figure out what makes us feel good or what feeds our spirit and do these things.

2. The Lie about Procrastination

Procrastination is like breaking a promise to yourself.

The key to overcoming procrastination is to:

  • Start small and to take small steps towards your goals.
  • Stay committed to your goals. That is why your goals have to be important to you so you can stay committed on the long term.
  • Be honest with yourself about the reasons of your procrastination.
  • Take accountability for your actions.

3. The Lie about Self-worth

In Society, we constantly feel the need to prove our worth. That desire to prove ourselves and feel good enough translates itself negatively into different areas of our lives.

To overcome the need to prove yourself, you can always:

  • Get some therapy to discover who you truly are, be honest with yourself and find some internal resolve.
  • Take the time you need to take care of yourself and recharge your batteries.
  • Add yourself to your own priority list. As cliché as it sounds, you have to take care of yourself before taking care of others.

4. The Lie about Comparison and Judgement

We often feel the compulsive need to judge and compete with others. It becomes imperative to:

  • Keep an open-mind: you don’t know everything and you don’t have everything figured out.
  • Nobody is immune to judgement so work on your own insecurities and tell yourself the truth.
  • Surround yourself with people who would tell you the truth, build you up instead of putting you down.

5. The Lie about Rejection

“When it comes to your dreams, no is not an answer”. No is not the final answer.

Therefore, it requires strength to:

  • Reframe your mindset: what is happening to you and how you respond to it is all about perspective.
  • Not accept no as the final answer
  • Claim and remember your goals: you can write them down and create a vision board.
  • Be bold about your goals.
  • Understand that if one path towards your goal doesn’t work, change the path and not the goals.

6. The Lie about Expectations

We often feel like we haven’t achieved what we have set out to achieve fast enough.

But there is no need to worry because our goals don’t have expiration dates.

7. The Lie about Authenticity

Society lies to us and tells us that we have to fit a specific mould to exist.
The truth is there isn’t only one right way to exist.

There isn’t one right way to be a woman. There isn’t one right way to be a daughter, friend, boss, wife, mother, or whatever else you categorize yourself as. There are so many different versions of each and every style on this… Click To Tweet

Review

In Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be, Rachel Hollis, in a witty and self-deprecating fashion, dispels the lies perpetrated by Society — lies that we tend to believe about ourselves and accept as a fundamental truth.

After a while, these lies destroy our self worth because we find it hard to live up to the lies that Society projects when it comes to self image, relationship to others, goal accomplishment, self care, and career success.

Rachel Hollis shares her life story and perspective on why people are generally unhappy and unsuccessful.

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be is dedicated to women who have struggled to find themselves or face the truth about themselves. It deals with all the insecurities that women may face throughout their lives and gives solutions that can be implemented through introspection.

Implementing change isn’t easy: it will take time and hard work, several trials and errors. But, it will be worth it!

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.

Judging is still one of the most hurtful, spiteful impulses we own, and our judgments keep us from building a stronger tribe… or from having a tribe in the first place. Our judgment prohibits us from beautiful, life-affirming friendships. Our judgment keeps us from connecting in deeper, richer ways because we’re too stuck on the surface level assumptions we’ve made.

The first step toward becoming the best version of yourself is being honest, truly honest, about what makes you tick.

Truly, I’ve been told no in so many different ways and by so many different people that sometimes it seems as if life itself is saying no. I am an expert in rejection—or more specifically, I am an expert in bouncing back from rejection and fighting my way toward my goal.

I am successful because I refused to take no for an answer. I am successful because I have never once believed my dreams were someone else’s to manage. That’s the incredible part about your dreams: nobody gets to tell you how big they can be.

There are many types of trauma—big, small, childhood, adult—but we all belong to a club we never asked to join. We find solidarity in numbers, in hearing other stories…

There isn’t one right way to be a woman. There isn’t one right way to be a daughter, friend, boss, wife, mother, or whatever else you categorize yourself as. There are so many different versions of each and every style on this planet, and beauty lives in that dichotomy.

Ratings 3/5

Author

Rachel HollisDigiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2021

6 Leadership Books To Read Before The Year Ends

Leading others often starts with leading oneself…

Below are the 6 best leadership and self help books that you can read right now to develop your sense of direction, find your most authentic self and achieve your goals!

6 Leadership Books To Read Before The Year Ends #book #books #bookreviews #bookrecommendations https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

Wondering what are the best leadership books to read before this year comes to an end?

1. Grit By Angela Duckworth

Grit is nothing more than a combination of courage, passion and perseverance.

In her book Grit, Angela Duckworth interviews a series of leaders from all walks of life whose grit has helped them succeed and whose stories will surely inspire you.

2. How To Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie

In How To Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie gives practical advice on how to successfully attract people, convert their way of thinking towards our ideas, on how to be more confident, achieve more and reach your highest potential in life thanks to your relationships.

3. The Little Book Of Big Lies By Tina Lifford

In The Little Book Of Big Lies, Tina Lifford gives helpful advice for you to build up your inner self and shares fourteen real life stories to help you move on from trauma and your past.

4. Year Of Life By Shonda Rhimes

In her funny memoir Year Of Life, Shonda Rhimes shares her poignant life story and her journey towards personal success.

Throughout her book, she makes you laugh but also reflect on the power of saying yes, of continually staying positive and focused.

5. The Magic Of Thinking Big By David J. Schwartz 

David J. Schwartz teaches us throughout The Magic Of Thinking Big to:

  • Think big and set bigger than life goals.
  • Overcome our fear of failure by actually accomplishing our goals.
  • Fail forward and trust the process.

6. The Obstacle Is The Way By Ryan Holiday

In The Obstacle Is The Way, Ryan Holiday employs the lessons of Greek philosophy  to help you see past your failures and obstacles. He encourages you to persevere no matter what and to apply a certain stoicism to most of your life situations.

Last Words Of Advice!

Each one of these books demonstrate ways to achieve long term success, accomplish your dreams and figure out a solution to every single one of your problems. To top it all off, these books also exhibit great examples of people who have remained optimistic and creative in the face of challenges.

 

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

Journey To Leadership is now hosting networking events…

Come and join us in Paris on February 26th, 2021!

Purchase your tickets for all our events on Eventbrite and Meetup.com!

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The Courage To Be Disliked By Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

The pursuit of happiness is a concept that has been studied since ancient times…

The Adlerian philosophy provides a thought mindset to help everyone reach happiness, no matter their emotions, their past, background or current circumstances.

Contrary to the Freudian philosophy, Adlerian psychology, in line with Greek philosophy, doesn’t adhere to a cause to effect approach, that one’s past determines their present and ultimately their future.

The fact is that life is a series of choices that fulfills a subjective objective and fits a chosen lifestyle, a given view of the world.

It would require courage to change lifestyle and to chose to be happy.

The Courage To Be Disliked By Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Main Concepts of Adlerian Psychology

A long dialogue takes place between a Youth, eager for answers, searching for “the truth about life” and a Philosopher, willing to share his knowledge for 5 nights.

The conversation does not only revolve around being happy and being liked but on finding happiness and moreover acquiring a sense of self, freedom and a deepening belief in equality in all areas of life.

What is standing in the way of happiness: Emotions and the Past

People are not controlled by their emotions or their past: emotions are just tools to achieve a goal and you mustn’t look at what you were born with or into but what you can possibly make of it.

“The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be Y or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can… Click To Tweet

What is standing in the way of happiness: Dealing with interpersonal relationship problems

Unfortunately, most problems that we face are interpersonal relationship problems.

That is because, universally, everybody has feelings of inferiority that are based in an intense desire to continually improve and a comparison with one’s idea of self.

Furthermore, people pursue feelings of superiority through growth, actions and the learning process, and a lack of comparison to other people.

These feelings of inferiority if in excess or not taken care of can develop into inferiority or superiority complexes. However, some people choose to take actionable and courageous steps to overcome these feelings, others use these feelings to justify their actions.

All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. - Alfred Adler Click To Tweet

How to have the lifestyle that you want and truly be happy?

To live the lifestyle that you truly want, you must have the courage to change and to:

  • Accept yourself. Use what you have in your favor, avoid focusing on short comings but change how you use what you have.
  • Change your goals.
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others.
  • Avoid competing with others.
  • Avoid trying to be right (all the time).
  • Stop looking to satisfy other people.
  • Stop looking to be recognized by other people.
  • Avoid living up to other people’s expectation of yourself.
  • Create clear boundaries so you do not live for no one else.
  • Separate your life tasks from others and do not intervene in theirs in order to resolve interpersonal relationship problems.
  • Face your life tasks head on and on your own two feet.
  • Make your own decisions.
  • Be unafraid to be disliked by other people.
  • Avoid praising, disparaging or judging people.
  • Rely on a broader sense of community than the one in your immediate vicinity.
  • Bring value to someone else.

Review

The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga provides an overview into Adler’s psychology and shares a very interesting yet direct/pragmatic approach to life and a simplistic view of the world.

The Courage To Be Disliked is constructed as a conversation, based on mutual respect of the views and opinions of each other, between a youth and a philosopher on the basis Socrate’s dialogue with his disciples.

A witty dialogue on happiness, equality, freedom and interpersonal relationships is held between a Youth and a Philosopher for 5 nights. The youth would represent society or the reader discovering Adler’s concepts and the philosopher would stand outside and has an objective view of society.

In fact, it is a healthy debate between a person who happens to be young and who notices the apparent contradictions of the world and a philosopher who believes that the world is not as complicated as it seems.

Throughout this book, we can see the Youth going through different emotions and stages, the Philosopher remaining equal to himself and their friendship ultimately blossoming.

The Courage To Be Disliked is a book that have been “dying” to read for more than 2 years now and wish I read sooner. The knowledge shared can be found in basically every self-help book on the market right now.

It invites for introspection and is brutally honest when it comes to demonstrating how people make life hard for each other, how people deal with feelings of inferiority and superiority or to explaining how people regularly justify themselves.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

If the past determined everything and couldn’t be changed, we who are living today would no longer be able to take effective steps forward in our lives.

To quote Adler again: “The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be Y or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can make of your equipment.

Without question, there is no shortage of behavior that is evil. But no one, not even the most hardened criminal, becomes involved in crime purely out of a desire to engage in evil acts. Every criminal has an internal justification for getting involved in crime. A dispute over money leads someone to engage in murder, for instance. To the perpetrator, it is something for which there is a justification and which can be restated as an accomplishment of “good.” Of course, this is not good in a moral sense, but good in the sense of being “of benefit to oneself.”

[…]you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.

When you enter into interpersonal relationships, it is inevitable that to a greater or lesser extent you will get hurt, and you will hurt someone, too. Adler says, “To get rid of one’s problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone.”

Oh, but being alone isn’t what makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people. That is to say, it is only in social contexts that a person becomes an “individual.”

But those who make themselves look bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people’s value systems—they are living other people’s lives.

The pursuit of superiority is the mind-set of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet, not the mind-set of competition of the sort that necessitates aiming to be greater than other people.

It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone. And, of course, there is no need to compare oneself with others.

Everyone is different. Don’t mix up that difference with good and bad, and superior and inferior. Whatever differences we may have, we are all equal. […] Human beings are all equal, but not the same.

Anger as an expression of a personal grudge is nothing but a tool for making others submit to you.

If someone were to abuse me to my face, I would think about the person’s hidden goal. Even if you are not directly abusive, when you feel genuinely angry due to another person’s words or behavior, please consider that the person is challenging you to a power struggle.

To prevent this from happening, when one is challenged to a power struggle, one must never allow oneself to be taken in.

Wherever we go, we are surrounded by other people, and we are social individuals, who exist in our relations to other people. No matter what we do, we cannot escape the strong rope of our interpersonal relationships.

“freedom is being disliked by other people.” [..] It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.

The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.

When one person praises another, the goal is “to manipulate someone who has less ability than you.” It is not done out of gratitude or respect.

Ratings 4.5/5

Author

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga

 

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How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life By Gill Hasson

Difficult people are everywhere and often demonstrate difficult behavior.

Their behavior can be overtly hostile and aggressive or passive and dismissive.

They can drain you and break you out of your character because they may act differently than you expect or apply a system of belief you don’t abide to.

Discerning whether or not they are being spitefully or involuntarily difficult is quite tricky.

How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life By Gill Hasson #book #bookreviews #successmindset #selfawareness #selfdevelopment

1. Calmly walk away from difficult people

Some people are difficult even impossible all the goddamn time for no clear reason and will drain you of your energy and even destroy your life, no matter what you do.

In these circumstances, it becomes detrimental to walk away from the situation, to make a clean break and focus on the positives to come.

2. Try and understand the difficult person

To understand difficult people, you must first start by identifying your values, expectations of people and system of belief. You must also understand that you have legal and personal rights to defend.

Often times, our expectations of how people should act and treat us are what create misunderstanding, conflict and resentments.

If your expectations are too high, you will be let down in some fashion and if they are too low, you will be disrespected.

If your expectations are too rigid or unrealistic, you will suffer the consequences and involuntarily create difficult people.

Instead, don’t place any expectations on anyone but expect a positive outcome.

3. Take responsibility for your own reaction

Taking responsibility for your reactions will help you manage your emotions, gain control over a situation, direct and influence others.

It will also help you reframe your mindset and not play victim to your circumstances.

4. Learn what to say and what not to say to a difficult person

You can start by actively listening to them and then by finding out what to say and not to say.

Actively listening does not mean that you are actively agreeing with their point of view or that you are endorsing their opinion but it means that you are willing to acknowledge what they have said and to understand them.

Learning what to say or not to say is about being assertive, standing your ground, choosing how to respond to a situation, thinking about consequences, setting limits and finding an appropriate solution.

5. Deal with the difficult behavior and not the person

Learn to be assertive, to gain a solid sense of self, to stand your ground, to communicate your needs clearly and confidently.

Not asserting yourself and accommodating a difficult person will only lead them to disrespect you further and

Review

How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life by Gill Hasson serves as a practical guide to become more assertive, confident, courageous and to think strategically when it comes to dealing with difficult people.

How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics For Overcoming The Problem People In Your Life explores situations in life and at work that we have dealt with and still have to deal with. Gill Hasson puts many challenging situations into perspective and provides solutions to problems.

On the long run, difficult people are toxic and corrosive. It is detrimental to carefully monitor the impact of these types on individuals on our lives, mental and physical health.

Some of them enjoy creating chaos and toxicity around them and others do so involuntarily.

Sometimes, we are able to put physical distance between yourself and difficult people. Other times, because of our work situation or familial reasons, we have to put up with them and have to find different ways to put up with them.

Gill Hasson puts many challenging situations into perspective and provides solutions to problems.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

The thing is you can’t directly change other people’s behaviour; the only thing you can change is how you respond and deal with it.

In the past, you may have thought that there was only one or two ways to do this: either grit your teeth and hope that they’ll stop being so difficult, that things will improve, or get the difficult person to see just how difficult they’re being.
Both of these approaches are unlikely to fix the problem. In the case of gritting your teeth and hoping things will improve… they won’t. In the case of getting them to see
just how difficult they’re being, that’s unlikely too.

Even if a confident person feels anxious about dealing with difficult people, they don’t let fear and anxiety paralyse them: they deal with other people and situations despite their fears or worries. They recognize they have to start somewhere, however apprehensive they are.

You can’t control what others think about you, so leave them to their own judgements.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Gill Hasson

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How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie

For some reason, successful leaders seem to know how to effectively handle people, to win friends and to influence people…

These leaders have built their entire life and professional career around people by following basic principles.

How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie #book #bookreview #bookreviews #reviews #influence #relationships #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #businessworld journeytoleadershipblog.com

Wining Friends

Leaders understand that relationships can take you to the next level. Therefore, they tend to:

1. Avoid negative reviews

Leaders who are socially skilled avoid making complaints, condemning people, or manufacturing open and public criticism.

They understand that negative criticism generally breeds resentment.

Instead, they try to understand where the people are coming from.

2. Find out what the people really want

Most people care about their health, self-preservation, food, sleep, money, a craving for sincere appreciation and a desire for importance…

Furthermore, appreciation does not consist in giving cheap flattery but in honest appreciation.

If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. - Dale Carnegie Click To Tweet

3. Show people how to get what they want

To show people what they want and how to get it, leaders:

  • Consider the advantages and disadvantages of the situation.
  • Learn to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Influencing People

Influencing people is a basic and important skill in leadership.

That is why leaders who seek to increase their leadership:

1. Genuinely become interested in other people

They understand human nature, truly enjoy the interaction with people and do things for other people without any ulterior motives.

In addition, they remember people’s name, learn to smile and to be cheerful in their presence.

Indeed, smiling is contagious and can change an entire situation.

2. Become versed in the art of conversation

Being a great conversationalist starts by listening to people and encouraging people to talk about themselves.

Therefore, leaders find out the other person’s interest and start from there.

3. Obey the Golden Rule

Leaders observe the rules of human relationships.

As a consequence, they obey the Golden Rule and give unto others what we would have others give unto us.

4. Use diplomacy

To win people over to your way of thinking, they:

  • Are diplomatic.
  • Avoid arguments at all cost.
  • Never tell a person that they are wrong.
  • Consider the other person’s feelings, ideas and point of view.
  • Show respect for another person’s point of view.
  • Admit their wrongs and appeal to nobler motives.
  • Admit their mistakes and talk about them.
  • Don’t give direct orders but suggestions.
  • Give people the opportunity to make decisions for themselves and to correct themselves.
  • Don’t hurt people’s self-esteem and don’t diminish them in their own eyes

Review

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie aims to educate adults into building healthy relationships and climbing up the social ladder.

Dale Carnegie shares contemporaneous and pragmatic principles that serve as guidelines for leaders who wish to network and grow their social capital.

Most of these principles are essential to life as much as the business world and will increase your skill in human relationship.

However, Dale Carnegie promotes the praising or “sucking up” game and uses the term “friend” very loosely.

That is because most of the principles are geared towards the business world and most of his examples are taken from people who have successfully implemented these principles.

Unfortunately, praises don’t work on everybody and is not a solution to all problems.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for.

Ratings 3.5/5

Author

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Think And Grow Rich By Napoleon Hill

Success begins with a desire and when impulses, thoughts and ideas are converted into physical reality…

Indeed, every invention began with an idea and an intense desire with a definite outcome.

The Success Principle

The success principle starts by creating a strong desire within yourself.

One must dare to dream, set a fix amount for a fix date and visualize their financial success in their imagination.

Then, “chose a definite goal”, place all their energy, will power and his effort onto that goal.

At that point, successful planning and remarkable leadership are required in the process of acquiring what you truly desire and of achieving success.

Think And Grow Rich By Napoleon Hill #book #books #bookreviews #successmindset #leadership #leadershipdevelopment

The Different Types Of Leadership

There are 2 types of leadership.

There is leadership by consent where followers agree to follow a leader and leadership by force where followers are forced to admit a person as their leader.

Fortunately, as History has repetitively demonstrated, forced leadership never lasts for very long.

People have a tendency to follow leaders who:

  • are confident and courageous,
  • control themselves,
  • promote fairness and truth,
  • are able to make sound decisions,
  • plan and organize,
  • go the extra mile,
  • are of pleasant company,
  • are understanding and cooperative,
  • assume full responsibility for their actions.

10 Causes of Failure in Leadership

There are several causes of failure in leadership.
In addition to forced leadership, leaders happen to fail for several reasons.

1. Lack of organization

Leaders fail when they are unable to prioritize, manage their time effectively, to pay attention to details and to delegate.

2. Lack of humility

Leaders fail when they lack humility, forget that they are there to serve others and refuse to perform menial tasks.

3. Actions vs Knowledge

Leaders fail when they expect to get paid for what they know rather for what they do.

4. Fear of competition from followers

Leaders fail when they believe that their followers covet their position, don’t delegate, don’t train others and are unable to get others to perform.

In addition, that negative belief that the follower will take their position is sure to manifest/realize itself sooner or later.

5. Lack of solutions

Leaders fail when they are incapable of imagination in emergencies, of building guidelines and of finding solutions on the spot.

6. Lack of recognition

Leaders fail when they claim all the work for themselves and don’t give credit when it is due.

7. Lack of self-control

Leaders fail when they lack The Importance Of Becoming A Self-Disciplined Leaderself-discipline and consequently destroy their health and the health of all those around them.

8. Lack of loyalty

Leaders fail when they are disloyal to their followers.

9. Demonstration of authority

Leaders fail when they try to manage through fear tactics and enforce their authority upon others.

10. Unhealthy attachment to title

Leaders fail when they are attached to their title and not to their responsibility.

Review

Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill is a complete guide on how to gain riches, acquire a success mindset, to present, evaluate and improve yourself. This book was written a long time ago but advice and principles shared are still up to date.

In the form of a motivational speech, through thorough questions, Hill invites for self-analysis and discusses the positive aspects of developing a burning desire in order to achieve a specific goal. I recommend this book to entrepreneurs and leaders who wish to develop their business and their skills.

In Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill uses the example of his son’s deaf mutism to illustrate how an intense and imagined desire can emerge into reality.

He also analyses of what makes a great leader, discloses the important factors and failures of leadership, the pros and cons of acquiring a success mindset.

Furthermore, he gives practical tips on transforming yourself, overcoming fears and failures, finding opportunities where there aren’t any and guarding your mind from negative circumstances.

What can be holding you back from achieving your burning desire?

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning. it takes great delight in tripping one when success is almost within reach.

[…] riches begin with a state of mind, with definiteness of purpose, with little or no hard work.

[…] every great leader, from the dawn of civilization down to the present, was a dreamer.

[…] close association with one who refuses to compromise with circumstances he does not like is an asset that can never be measured in terms of money.

“Opinions” are the cheapest commodities on earth. Everyone has a flock of opinions ready to be wished upon anyone who will accept them.

Ratings 4.5/5

Author

Napoleon HillDigiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2020

Best Self: Be You, Only Better By Mike Bayer

In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer encourages people to be their Best Self.

What is your Best Self?

Your Best Self is unique, positive, evolved and aligned with your truth.

When you are being your best self, you are being your most authentic and at your core.

Best Self: Be You, Only Better By Mike Bayer #books #bookreview #selfesteem #selfimprovement #leader #leadership #selfdevelopment #lifecoaching #lifecoach

1. How to connect with your Best Self?

Connecting with your Best Self takes time and requires patience. To get in touch with your Best Self:

  • Express gratitude frequently to get out of a negative space. Make a gratitude list of everything that puts you in a good mood or elevates you in any kind of way.
  • Embrace change. Everybody can change if they want to, they just have to apply the right motivations.
  • Identify your fears. Once you have identified your fears, put them to the test to see if your assumptions are true, if they are rational, if they help you succeed, or if they serve your best interests.
  • Recognize any signs of egotistical behavior. Once you have acknowledge your behavior, assess the origins of it and get your ego in check.

2. Assessing your Best Self

“SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life”.

The SPHERES tool, create by Mike Bayer, is a screening tool used to assess your Best Self in all areas of your life.

Your social life 

In the SPHERES tool, your social situation determines how well you project your Best Self to the world.

It then becomes imperative to analyze how you interact with people. You can also assess your ability to send clear messages, to listen to others, to embrace human emotions, to handle highly charged situations, to give and receive feedback.

Your personal life

Your personal life contains your self-image, your self-talk, the level of compassion and respect you have for yourself.

To create the personal life that you want, you will have to:

  • Rewire your brain to think positively by challenging your internal dialogue.
  • Get familiar with what you are constantly telling yourself.
  • Identify the messages you tell yourself when you are under pressure.
  • Log your thoughts and your self-talk, identify the common themes and tones.
  • Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels before they snowball. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely be able to take care of others.
  • Connect with your passions. Your passions will vary throughout your life. Your passions will allow you to express yourself, to strengthen your bond with your Best Self and vibrate at a higher frequency. To find your passions, explore new things, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone.

Your health

Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be present, keep a clear mind and achieve your Best Self.

Your education

Remaining in a “lifetime learning mode” will help you evolve into your Best Self and become more self-aware.

Once you find your passions, you will take pleasure in acquiring knowledge in that field.

Your relationships

Your relationships reflect who you are as a person.

Your Best Self will gauge who you want to be around, judge the health of a relationship and help you make the tough decisions.

In order to stay connected to your Best Self in all relationships, you must define your core values, exercise them and identify the people who live up to them.

Your employment

We spend most of our days at work.

So, when we are not able to fully be ourselves, our work life tends to become draining.

It somehow becomes important to nurture our Best Selves at work or create a career path that allows us to maximize our potential at work.

Review

In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer shares tips and tools to help you achieve your Best Self. He helps you make a diagnostic of all the aspects of your life and provides practical solutions to your problems.

Furthermore, Best Self: Be You, Only Better is a workbook that teaches you how to fix what’s inside to fix outside. It is on point when it comes to assessing people’s behavior and can conveniently be revisited several time in your life.

Best Self: Be You, Only Better is ideal for leaders who want to improve their leadership skills and bring their best selves at work. It becomes clear that if you are your best self, you can create the best teams, take care of others and create the best organization.

With this workbook:

  • Get in touch with your Best Self.
  • Reach your highest potential.
  • Find more balance in your life.
  • Evolve, change, reinvent yourself and improve your life.
  • Learn to handle adversity and crisis.
  • Discover your truth and your purpose.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Many of society’s “rules” simply don’t apply to us as individuals, and if we spend all our energy on trying to be, do, say, and act like society wants us to, we are simply wasting time we could be spending on discovering and connecting with our Best Self.

Self-care is foundational to living your ideal life.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Mike Bayer

The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gathers four “agreements” to live by to ensure a better lifestyle, a deeper understanding of life, a life in the moment.

What is an agreement?

The four agreements come from the Toltec teachings of wisdom. The goal of this book is to make each agreement a habit.

An agreement is:

  • a programming of the mind.
  • a language, a code that helps us understand each other.
  • a belief system that has domesticated us.

It represents the rules that we abide to, that we pass down from generation to generation.

Unfortunately, we have not chosen the agreements that we live by. Most of the time, they have been chosen for us and have existed longer than we have.

The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

The First Agreement

The first agreement is to be “impeccable with your words“. This means that you must be careful of not using words against yourself and others.

Indeed, there is power in the words that you use. Matter of fact, it is the most powerful tool at your disposal. 

You can use your words to create beauty or to wreak havoc.

“What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word”.

What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word. Click To Tweet

Purpose of the agreement

Being “impeccable with your words” helps you suppress any toxicity from your mind, free your mind from fear and doubt, and filter out negativity.

Implementing the agreement

Furthermore, words grow and take root in your mind if you are not careful. So:

  • Be true to yourself.
  • Be careful of the words that you use on yourself.
  • Do not speak against yourself.
  • Avoid gossiping and don’t believe gossip.
  • Accept and love yourself so you can demonstrate love and acceptance toward others.

The Second Agreement

The second agreement is to not “take anything personally”.

Often times, people are preoccupied with their own beliefs, feelings and opinions about themselves that they take out on others.

Even if they insult you directly, it is wise not to take their insult personally.

Purpose of the agreement

This agreement is necessary to avoid burdening yourself with people’s problem, setting “yourself up to suffer for nothing”.

Acquiring this habit will help you free yourself, keep your heart open, see people for who they really are, and be unaffected by fear.

Implementing the agreement

Understand that:

  • All opinions about you are not necessarily true.
  • Opinions about you depends on the person and on their moods.
  • We can choose what to believe and what to agree with.
  • You must trust yourself and don’t need to trust anyone else.

The Third Agreement

The third agreement consists in not making assumptions.

Undeniably, assumptions are not the truth and breeds problems.

Purpose of the agreement

The third agreement will help you build better relationships and increase your communication skills.

Implementing the agreement

To properly implement this agreement:

  • Ask for clarifications rather than making assumptions.
  • Remember that it is OK to ask questions.
  • Collect the right data about people and situations first.
  • Don’t assume that people can read your mind.
  • Ask for what you want, expect yes or no. Understand that you can say yes or no as well.

The Fourth Agreement

This fourth agreement encourages you to always “do you best” and consolidates all previous three agreements.

Purpose of the agreement

Forming the habit of always doing your best will:

  • Save you from harsh self-judgement.
  • Increase your production.
  • Mature your self-love.

Implementing the agreement

Keep in mind that:

  • Your best will fluctuate all the time. It will depend on your mood, on your energy level, on your health and on your situation.
  • You must take action without expecting any rewards. This way, you will be able to enjoy your actions better.

Review

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz provides a very powerful perspective on life. It encourages self-transformation, self-awareness, self acceptance, and the understanding of others.

I found out briefly that The Four Agreements, yet short, is thoughtful and goes straight to the point. It calls out society’s hypocrisy, fear and domestication.

Everyone I know who have read this book has felt elevated. It was therefore hard to resist reading it and I have to say that I did not regret it.

As you read, you will find that you already had the knowledge and the wisdom within you but have been holding it back. You will learn to trust yourself and set yourself free.

Favorite quote(s)

The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.

Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally.

Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.

All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.

Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are.

Ratings 4.5/5

Author

Don Miguel Ruiz