Working gives us the means to survive and is quasi inevitable.
You need more freedom to express yourself and the company culture does not allow your form of expression.
#10. Your Job Does Not Align With Your Life Purpose
You spent time studying for a degree, graduated and your college degree doesn’t match your job description.
In addition, you don’t understand your task, get no satisfaction from doing your job and you start questioning the purpose of your job.
#11. You Cannot Project Yourself In The Future
There are no growth opportunities to evolve, to move towards a new position, to learn new skills.
You cannot project yourself in the future because you have other plans for your future, your leadership vision is not being executed, your life is changing but your salary isn’t, your colleagues are getting better paid than you do or because you have been passed up for promotion too many times.
#12. Your Social Life Is Affected
Your social life is stunted and your relationships are strained.
You don’t want to bring up work with your friends and family.
Conversations about work with people you enjoy depress you, project you in negative thoughts and negative emotions overwhelm you.
You are not a complainer but you start complaining NON STOP about your job. You bring up the subject with whomever even when it doesn’t matter.
#13. The Ethics On Your Job Are Questionable
You work in a toxic environment:
Your higher-ups and your organization generally lack ethics.
Evaluate your motivations to stay on the job. Look around for clues that it’s time to quit your job. You can do a pros and cons list.
Think about the consequences of leaving your job.
Plan your future before quitting. It is imperative that you:
Analyze your skill sets and check which ones you wish to develop.
Find out which field you wish to work in and discuss it with people who are in your field of preference.
Proactively look for another job. Keep looking for job and applying online while you are still employed. It is recommended to discreetly find a new job before moving on to the new one.
Pick your next profession with care.
Build a solid vision.
Prepare yourself for the next opportunity and get rid of past baggage.
Be comfortable with change and embrace the unknown.
Speak to your close friends and family about your decision. Ultimately, you know what is best for you.
Be confident in your decision, acknowledge that there is no shame in quitting and understand that there is no perfect time to quit.
Leave on good terms even though you hated your job.
Last Words Of Advice!
Quitting your job doesn’t mean being jobless, giving up on yourself or that you have failed altogether. During the quitting process, it is detrimental to grow internally, to keep yourself busy and stay on purpose.
Furthermore, you can either go after your dreams or help someone else build their own.
Identify your goals and make sure that they align with those of your future mentor.
Handle your career on your own, manage your own reputation, gain pertinent skills, work on yourself and on your goals first before seeking help.
Verify the role and status of the person of interest. The person must not necessarily be your supervisor, must not work at the same company or have the same position. Make sure that your mentor has exceptional skills, is well read, is self-aware and is always on the path of self-improvement.
Observe your mentor’s behavior and character to ensure that you will get along with them and look up to.
Test your mentor’s ability to handle work then ask for help.
Get to know your mentor on a personal level and keep in touch from time to time.
Seek understanding and accept mentorship influence.
Learn to keep secrets.
If you looking to be a mentor…
You must be willing to share your experiences, to be authentic, protective, fair, positive, patient and confident.
Being a mentor is rewarding and is an illustrious position. In a mentorship relationship, everyone benefits from each other’s success and brings equal goods to the table.
On one hand, mentors are able to share their life experiences, to share great work tips, to provide different perspectives, to retain the best employees and to improve the workplace. They can delegate work to a trusted employee, bridge the generational gap, get to work with different people and get more free time to themselves.
On another hand, without being part of your organization, mentees are able to positively impact the mentor’s image, reputation, forces them to sharpen their skills and to improve their work-life balance. Mentees keep their mentors in touch with their organization, up to date with their technical skills
Finally, mentorship is fulfilling because mentors are able to leave a legacy, to make their mark.
How to select a mentee?
The perfect mentee does not exist.
Be open to mentorship proposals early in life and early in your career
Observe if they have potential
Verify the mentee is curious, eager to learn and open to change
Verify that they are willing to put in the work
How to be a mentor?
To be the best mentor you can be:
Be a role-model.
Find out what you and your mentee want to achieve.
Set realistic expectations about the job and help them clarify their goals.
In How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job, Sally Helgesen & Marshall Goldsmith have noticed that in the workplace, high achievers — men and women — often demonstrate problematic habits that undermine their career, that have propelled them in the past and that won’t allow them to move further up.
Women, contrary to men, display different self-limiting behavior, face particular challenges, even if they want to advance their career and even if they have assets to contribute to the workplace.
Most often, women feel stuck in their jobs. Feeling stuck comes from feeling like you are unable to move forward, like some force is willfully holding you back, like you are not allowed to use your strengths or you are underappreciated. The feeling of being stuck will shape their behavior and will subsequently determine how others will respond to them.
There are also various external barriers that hold women back from success: most workplace structure has been designed by men for men. Stereotypes influence women ability to move up the ladder: they are their perceived as too aggressive, too passive, too talkative, too quite, too emotional, too mean, they smile too much or frown too much… Needless to say, women are not at all responsible for these barriers or being held back.
People tend to cling to habits that have made them successful but that are no longer serving them. These habits have been reinforced by external factors and by people who want to celebrate your success, by the fact that most people are blind to their own weaknesses.
Furthermore, organizations are quick to claim that they thrive on change, but make it hard for their employees to change within them because:
Organizations assign roles and tasks on past behaviors and keeping them there. This makes it difficult for employees to practice new behaviors.
Organizations celebrate and reward a successful action and ignore a warning or a successful lack of action. Someone would be celebrated for signing a good deal and avoid a bad one. The latter are viewed as naysayers.
Habits are not intrinsic to your character but are your comfort zone, your default setting created by your surroundings. Changing is hard, time-consuming and may require external help.
People will then hold one to old behaviors rather than changing them. That resistance is built naturally by rationalizing a behavior, by your brain after repeated behavior and familiar situations.
Because stopping a habit is more effective than starting one, Helgesen & Goldsmith have put together 12 habits to stop practicing in order to be successful as a woman. To open new doors, be purposeful and intentional about choices and change behavior, it is first detrimental for women to identify how them define success.
According to Helgesen and Goldsmith, while caring about rewards and status, most women value satisfaction, quality of life and the impact of their contribution over a high salary or a high position. Women don’t define success as winning or as keeping score, don’t enjoy competition and rather collaboration. Hence, women find it easier to transition to leadership positions because they can place emphasis on others instead of themselves.
Your old habits have previously served but are currently hindering you. It’s not too late to change and acquire better habits. To get rid of them:
Identify the habits you need to work on.
Recognize your behavior as a habit, try different behaviors and observe the responses.
Repeat behaviors until your brain is comfortable with the new behavior.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Recognize your strengths as well, avoid judging people.
Address habits one at a time.
HABIT #1: Reluctance to claim your achievements
Women work harder than men but avoid taking credit for their successes, avoid using the pronoun “I” because they believe that:
Their work will automatically speak for itself.
This behavior is obnoxious and disruptive.
The group to which they belong to expect them to be modest, unobtrusive and coy.
To get over the reluctance to claim your achievements:
Learn how to promote yourself.
Believe that you are detrimental to your own success.
Enlist the help of people to speak on your behalf and don’t contradict what people have to positively say about you.
HABIT #2:Expecting others to spontaneously notice and reward your contributions
When others don’t notice the work that they do, women start to feel unacknowledged or underappreciated for the hard work that they put in. They start to feel like the don’t belong and will look for another place to work.
To get over expecting others to spontaneously notice and reward your contributions:
Set goals for your career and share your vision at every opportunity.
Prepare an elevator speech and be ready to deliver it at any moment. This will demonstrate your ambition, clarify your future, get you noticed, show that you are confident and serious, will be an opportunity to highlight your skills, will help you identify the self-serving opportunities. Your elevator speech should be clear, concise, identical to a personal vision or mission statement.
HABIT #3: Overvaluing expertise
Becoming an expert in a field gets women noticed, is a defense mechanisms, a way of asserting their value.
However, mastering a role will only keep you in the same role. Becoming an expert is time-consuming, will make you knowledgeable but will not make you a leader.
To get over the habit of overvaluing expertise:
Build relationships, increase influence and do the job well enough.
Don’t be sloppy.
HABIT #4:Just building rather than building and leveraging relationships
To women, building relationships is emotionally and personally rewarding. Indeed, women have good relationships skills but don’t leverage them to get ahead in the workplace because they don’t want:
Their connections to feel used.
Their relationships to be based on self-interests.
To play the political game.
To get over the habit of just building rather than building and leveraging relationships:
Ask people to connect you to higher-ups.
Use a win-win or quid pro quo system.
Become more intentional about your relationships.
Remember that people can benefit from you and vice versa.
HABIT #5:Failing to enlist allies from day one
From the first day on the job, most women tend to try to keep their heads down, to understand every aspect of their job, to avoid asking questions, to value expertise, to be undergoing the impostor syndrome. As seem before, expertise is just your way of making yourself credible.
Instead find out with who you should connect with to get better visibility, more influence.
To get over failing to enlist allies from day one:
Reach out to others first and engage as many people as possible.
Find mentors and sponsors.
Keep in mind that allies are not friends.
Talk positively about your allies.
Identify the people who can propel you to the next level or that you would enjoy working with.
HABIT #6: Putting your job before your career
Most women trying to do their jobs perfectly because they are loyal, get stuck in the same job for years.
To get over putting your job before your career:
Let people know that you are ready for a challenge.
Analyze how your current position can serve your long-term interest.
Admit self-interest and identify what you value and how you can maximize your strengths.
Appreciate you current position.
HABIT #7: The perfection trap
Women tend to be perfect due to social expectations. Doing your job perfectly doesn’t guarantee success. Instead, it creates stress, keep you distracted and annoyed and sets you up for disappointment, it makes you hard on yourself, destroyed by failure, paralyzed by mistakes, sets too high standards for your team.
Women find themselves eager to please, to be nice, to make everybody happy, are afraid of disappointing and of being a burden. This behavior is time-consuming, kills careers, deters from taking a stance and from following a higher purpose.
To get over the disease to please:
Identify your priorities.
Learn to delegate.
Select your commitments with care.
Stand your ground.
Women tend to make themselves smaller, which is translated in the body language and the words they use. This behavior sends the message that they are diminished, subservient, non deserving, uncertain and underachieving.
To get over the habit of minimizing yourself:
Talk about your accomplishments, talk about individual and collective wins if that makes you feel fairer.
Choose your voice and words carefully.
Stay in the moment.
Avoid multitasking and spreading yourself too thin.
HABIT #10: Too much
In the workplace, women have to temper and constantly monitor their emotional response to situations. Being perceived as too intense, too emotional, too strong, too vulnerable, too much can be an obstacle to promotion.
Monitoring your behavior, your emotions is draining and makes you come out as inauthentic. To get over the display of too much emotions:
Women are more likely to ruminate, to cling on to the past. They turn their hurt inwards, relive their failure and blame themselves.
Ruminating is counterproductive, are depressing, won’t help you succeed or solve future problems.
To get over the habit of ruminating:
women need to find ways to distract themselves and interrupt their thought.
learn from the facts and move on.
HABIT #12:Letting your radar distract you
Women notice a lot of details and process them differently than men. They are aware of everybody’s reaction, are distracted by details and are unable to stay ion the moment.
To get over the habit of getting distracted by their radar, discipline your thoughts and refrain from negativity.
How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job by Sally Helgesen & Marshall Goldsmith is relatable, proactive and insightful. It is written for women with the best intention and with the desire to help women stop self-sacrificing and stop self-sabotaging. It is not necessarily targeted towards women of color even though it mentions the challenges that women of color face in the workplace.
Above all, it teaches us introspection and demonstrates how to control what we can, how to change bad habits, how to improve our quality of life and to reach our full potential.
In addition, How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job by Helgesen & Goldsmith pushes us to seek the positive in every interaction, in every feedback and to not take remarks personally even if they are based on stereotypes. It’s all about changing a behavior that stands in your way.
For the most part, I agree that women share habits that keep us from advancing in the workplace. There are several points that were accurate and that resonated with me: I have a nagging tendency to ruminate on negative experiences (Habit #11). Because I pay too much attention to detail (Habit #12), the rumination process is that much amplified.
However, I felt like Helgesen and Goldsmith insinuated that women, aware of the stereotypes placed on them in the workplace, have to take on the responsibility of changing themselves to fit in, have to listen to and apply the feedback they received from the people who perpetuate the stereotypes, that they have to become enablers and mirror men’s behavior.
It doesn’t seem like we are supposed to change to acquire greater values or to reach a higher purpose. But we’re changing to fit someone else’s standards or expectations of us: we move from one expectation to another.
Instead of viewing money and position as the sole or even chief markers of success, women also tend to place a high value on the quality of their lives at work and the impact of their contributions.
the trick to maximizing your talents and opportunities is not becoming a less thoughtful and giving person, but rather being purposeful and intentional about your choices while also addressing the behaviors that keep you stuck.
At work, leaders are constantly being challenged by coworkers, by the need to conform to the organization culture, to resist to the opinion of others and to work through other external pressure.
Because leadership comes most often from within and requires great energy, self-discipline, strong purpose, maintaining self-esteem is critical to maintaining leadership.
Wondering how to get a bulletproof self-esteem?
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem corresponds to our self-image and to the opinion that we have of ourselves. It is made of the differences between the way we perceive ourselves, the way we want to be perceived and the way we are actually being perceived.
It is also a feeling of competency, worthiness, efficiency, performance, self-respect. It delimits our sense of identity, self-worth, well-being and constant satisfaction no matter the circumstances.
Self-esteem is the ability to cope with life challenges. It is the belief in our abilities, our values, our potential to confidently demonstrate our abilities and values. Therefore, self-esteem is an important component of leadership.
Self-esteem is an internal quality, is not a constant and can rise or fall throughout life, throughout challenges.
Why is it important?
With a proper amount of self-esteem, you are able to trust your skills, your knowledge, your decisions and your thoughts. Low self-esteem leads to poor relationships, depression, anxiety and anger. Increasing self-esteem amounts to better health and a stronger ability to cope with stressful situations.
As a leader, having a solid self-esteem is necessary to make decisions without fear or hesitation, to think clearly, to trust his or her opinion, to remain optimistic under pressure, to help others feel good about themselves, to build relationships, and to gracefully welcome change.
Furthermore, building self-esteem in your team will help them take pride in their work and make them commit to goals.
How to boost your leadership self-esteem?
Building self-esteem is not an overnight process and requires patience. To boost your leadership self-esteem:
Rewire your thinking process and remember that you are not alone if you are suffering with low self-esteem.
Recall that you cannot please everyone and the first person to please is yourself.
Remember that you cannot be a master at everything and that you must focus on the vital few.
Accept that you cannot control everything, that suffering and joy are part of life and that no one is perfect.
Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has a different combination of experiences, of strengths and weaknesses that they must accept. This will help you build on the skills that you are good at and operate through your weaknesses.
Accept yourself: learn to spend time alone and to enjoy your own company. Find activities that are fun and that you do well outside of work. Treat yourself kindly and take time off to do things that are pleasurable to you.
Avoid reasoning with your emotions, dwelling on the negative, complaining, self-pity, shifting blame or blowing an issue out of proportion. You can remove the power that emotions and past negative experiences holds over you by writing down on paper or by speaking it out loud.
Always maintain your integrity, treat people fairly and do the right thing, even if it puts you in a difficult situation. This will also help you maintain your self-respect and the respect that people have for you.
Stay authentic. Being fake or hypocritical is not sustainable on the long run and your real self will slowly suffer the consequences.
Be resilient and believe that you can overcome challenges and that you can find solutions to your problems.
Don’t rely on people or other external factors to restore your self-esteem. Compliments only stroke your ego and will have no effect on your self-esteem for long. On the same length, belittling people won’t do the trick either.
As a leader, it is important that you share your knowledge with your team. Retaining information is a sign of weakness, of a desire for control, power and will not lead you to success. On the other hand, your team skills, loyalty and respect will unequivocally be increased.
Take responsibility for your actions, seek solutions instead of creating problems.
Seek positive qualities in your employees, give positive feedback and build a positive work environment. Giving positive feedback doesn’t mean dismissing or sugarcoating negative feedback but it means that you give constructive criticism and make people feel good about their work performance.
Know your team’s strengths and weaknesses.Place them on tasks that employ their strengths, and don’t hesitate to stretch their abilities and responsibilities.
Remove doubt from your employees so they can perform better.
Teach your team to see problems as challenges or opportunities in disguise.Do not punish mistakes and show that it is OK to disagree, to share a dissenting opinion, or to say “I don’t know”.
Mitigate bad behavior within your team and maintain composure no matter the circumstances.
Include playful time in the workplace. This will increase productivity. Contrary to popular bureaucratic and corporate belief, be playful is not a sign of immaturity to carelessness. Instead, it is a way to release painful experiences.
Seek external professional help to sort through bad experiences and memories if necessary.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
Managing Anger In The Workplace by Donald Gibson & Bruce Tulgan is a self-help book that explains anger and consequences, and provides advice to handle anger in ourselves and in others.
Anger is a normal, natural emotional and physiological response to an attack on our personal safety, on our self-esteem and safety.
Anger modifies our perception, interpretation of events, and affects our communication and behaviors.
Some people aggressively lash out, some withhold and deal with their anger internally, others become passive aggressive.
Anger is difficult to handle in the workplace because:
Relationships in the workplace are complex. We spend most of our working hours with perfect strangers, with different levels of power and with whom we thrive to build a trustworthy relationship.
Our interests often competes with those of others.
Our financial and psychological security is at stake.
There are many factors within the organization that are beyond our control, which tends to make us feel vulnerable.
The consequences of anger in the workplace
Anger in the workplace can damage your mental and physical health, your career, your work performance, your reputation and your relationships.In extreme cases, anger can result in violence or even suicide.
Furthermore, anger not only affects individuals life but also negatively impacts those around them. Because they worry about the situation and want to avoid the at all costs, anger reduces their commitment and productivity at work.
People around the angry person experience feelings of “fear, sadness, diminished self-esteem, preoccupation with the conflict, increased caution, and thoughts of revenge”. If the behavior is tolerated by management, people will start to lose trust in their organization and in the capabilities of their leader. From there, a toxic workplace is built.
The benefits of anger in the workplace
Anger is always painted in a negative light but managed properly, it can have a positive aspect to it. To visualize the productive aspect of anger, create a conflictual fictional scenario and think about the possible healthy responses to the situation.
Anger helps to identify conflicts, problematic issues, to resolve them, to demonstrate or create employee commitment and involvement, to generate better results.
Specifically, channeling employees anger can improve the work experience by:
Sustaining employees for long intensive hours at work.
Acknowledging change and diversity in opinion.
Driving healthy competitions, productivity and quality.
Updating policies and procedures.
Improving conflictual relationships.
Speaking up against wrongdoers and against unfair treatment.
The signs and symptoms of anger
Some people over-express their anger and others under-express it. Both are unhealthy and have long-term negative effects on individuals and on the organization. In order to deal with your anger issues, it is necessary to identify the signs and symptoms of your anger. Expressions of badly managed anger can easily become aggression, can be direct or indirect, active or passive.
In addition, in the organization, expression of anger is either modeled from the higher hierarchy and cascades down the line, is only allowed to high performers with bad behaviors or is repressed to create a culture of polite exchange and respectful relationship.
The source of anger
It is detrimental to focus on the source of the anger in order to resolve it. There are five main sources of anger:
The cracks in the system that make us feel out of control, constantly “threatened and insecure”, frustrated.
Perceived unfairness and injustice in treatment, in salary and in work load within the organization.
Arrested goals because of everyone’s competitive interest.
Difference of core values.
Difference in power.On one hand, subordinates fear the powerful, are angry that the powerful has authority over them. On the other, the powerful appreciates the control and security, is angry when their authority is questioned, generally retaliates when that happens.
Addressing your anger in 6 steps
In Managing Anger In The Workplace, Donald Gibson and Bruce Tulgan introduce to a six step plan in order to manage personal anger:
Do your best to avoid angering situations and people on a typical day. Also, assess yourself, your relationships and achievements. Then, invest in your well-being and learn to speak to assert your needs and rights.
Detect the early physical symptoms of anger. Then, learn to dissipate your anger with physical and mental exercises.
Anger has a habit of distorting your thought pattern and memory of a situation. It is therefore necessary to calm ourselves down and to logically assess the events.
Gather your thoughts togetherand the recipient of your anger to disclose the reason for your anger. Don’t hesitate to prepare your speech.
Take action and seek solutions to the situation by changing your perspective and your reactions.
If the situation is not worth your time and energy, maybe it is time to let it go and swiftly move on.
Addressing other people anger in 5 steps
Dealing with someone else’s anger is a whole new territory and is a case by case study. One has to keep in mind the person idiosyncrasies, your relationship with this person, the way that person directs their anger (inward or outward), the level of anger involved, the source of the anger and the personality type of the person.
Also, avoid ignoring the person’s feeling, attempting to control their anger, shutting the person down or overpowering them. Instead:
Master and assess your own feelings of anger.
Identify “the underlying source of anger”.
Schedule a meeting and prepare the conversation.
Listen without interruption but without allowing the situation to escalate.
Take action to reinforce positive behavior, to address the problem and find a solution.
Addressing anger in the organizational culture
Anger is unfortunately inevitable in the workplace. It is important to assess the state of anger in your workplace and on your team, to get people focused on the mission instead of personal differences, to establish a code of conduct, to require model behavior from leaders and to provide anger management classes.
Managing Anger In The Workplace by Donald Gibson and Bruce Tulgan is a valuable, eye-opening and instructive book, filled with case studies, practical guidelines to understand your anger, to analyze your response to challenges and the dynamics at work, to gradually and successfully handle your anger.
Needless to say, there are so many things that are out of our control, that make us lose our cool: a coworker says or does the wrong thing; a team member doesn’t meet deadlines; your superior yells at you or is unfair to you for no good reason.
Anger is neither good or bad but a natural emotion. Anger in the workplace can open us up to malicious attack where people feel that they can control your reaction or it can create a toxic workplace. That it’s why, it is important to manage and express that anger before it translates into physical symptoms.
This book offers tools and exercises and is genuinely helpful. It was written in 2003 but is still current. It is not an overnight miracle worker but it gives great tips to take discipline yourself, to take control of your anger and monitor your progress.
anger is a normal, fundamental, and even healthy emotion rooted in our instinct for self-preservation.
In cases where poorly managed anger is routinely tolerated and accepted by leadership, the organization may assume an angry culture, with negative effects flowing up the chain of command covertly and cascading down the chain of command all too obviously.
That’s why anger is often seen as the forbidden emotion. People who express anger are considered to be “irrational,” and “out of control,” two of the worst things that can be said about a person. This is particularly true in organizations, where people are supposed to leave their emotions at the workplace door. What many people don’t realize—or never consider—is that anger in itself is neither positive nor negative. If managed effectively, anger can be a positive and productive emotion.