11 Habits Of Emotionally Disciplined Leaders

There are no good or bad emotions per se. However, some emotional displays are more socially acceptable than others, depending on each individual’s socio-economic background, appearances and attached stereotypes.

For example, being spiteful and openly provoking someone is socially accepted. However, a person reacting to that provocation with anger is not.

Furthermore, in the workplace, you must leave your emotions at the door, and display a confident and positive attitude. Demonstrating that you are having a bad week will probably get you removed from the project.

When the pressure is on, organizations look to leaders to take action and to safely bring the organization out of hot waters. Leaders who are unable to step up to the plate will potentially be removed from their position.

As a leader, you must discipline your emotions, always have a clear head, continuously deal with challenges, give and receive feedback, keep your employees motivated and on task, even when you are tired or fed up.

Wondering how to discipline your emotions and improve your leadership skills?

11 Habits Of Emotionally Disciplined Leaders

What being emotionally disciplined means…

Emotional discipline is about being able to effectively manage your feelings. Being emotionally disciplined means that you are also able to:

  • Stay calm in challenging situations and overpower your own emotions. You can then deal with a tough situation, without making it worse.
  • Respond and not react to triggering events.
  • Gain more power over yourself and control yourself instead of being controlled.
  • Separate your inner voice from the outside noise.
  • Remain in the present, avoid dwelling on the past and obsessing about the future.
  • Decide and act how you want to really feel.
  • Acquire the freedom to express yourself freely and to engage in activities that make you happy.
  • Avoid getting tangled up in someone else’s web and positively interact with people. Let’s be honest, emotional discipline is useful to gracefully put people back in their place.
  • See people for who they really are and for how they really make you feel.
  • Gain new perspectives on your problems and navigate different situations.
  • Effectively address important and difficult issues.
  • Take advantage of a given situation and delay instant gratification for long-term rewards.
  • Possess several strategies to overcome most challenges.

Why discipline your emotions?

People will try your patience and your peace of mind on a daily basis in life and in the workplace.

The way you feel has an impact on your behavior, on the way you lead and the way you think. Your emotions also affect your health, your self-talk and your work performance.

Needless to say, becoming emotionally disciplined requires a lot of self-reflection, quiet moments with yourself and understanding that no one can harm you without your consent.

It requires growth, that you build up your resistance and become thick-skinned. It is not an easy nor an overnight process.

How leaders strengthen their emotional discipline?

Most people who possess emotional discipline are successfully placed in leadership positions because they are able to work through their own discomfort. To strengthen your emotional discipline, it is imperative to acquire the following habits.

#1. Leaders have a strong hold on their identity

They know their core values, their strengths and weaknesses. They also know where to apply them and they learn about themselves through their emotions.

In addition, they do not let stereotypes and assumptions define them.

#2. Leaders understand their triggers

This step is time-consuming because people might not want to immediately confront their emotions and they might resist the drive down memory lane.

When the pressure is on, leaders are able to quickly identify the origin of your emotions. They know their triggers, understand why that situation or this person is triggering them.

Furthermore, they don’t let anyone push their buttons or control them, they don’t react but they respond to negative behavior.

They navigate office politics well and they know how to deal with toxic people.

Remember, it is essential to not give the people who are triggering you satisfaction.

#3. Leaders stay on purpose

They have a goal and vision for their life.

They wake up in the morning ready to achieve their goals for the day and to make the right decisions for themselves.

#4. Leaders walk with integrity

They do what is right because doing the wrong thing requires too much emotional effort.

Moreover, they take accountability for their actions and don’t shift blame.

#5. Leaders stay in the moment

Most of the time, being in the moment will give you the opportunity to feel your emotional response and give you the appropriate response to any situation.

#6. Leaders identify the emotions that overcome them

If you cannot find the right words to describe your emotion, postpone your self-reflection until later, when you’re in a quiet place.

#7. If they can, leaders write down their thoughts on paper

This way, you will notice your thought patterns, illogical and irrational thoughts, the assumptions that you make, the systems of beliefs, the solutions to your situation, what you need to feel better and to clarify your situation.

#8. Leaders practice self-care

They work out regularly, eat well and do things that you enjoy.

In addition, they take the time to meditate, to quiet the noise in their minds, to improve their self-talk and to employ the power of positive affirmations.

#9. Leaders see people for who they truly are

Leaders are not only self-aware but they are aware of other people’s intention.

#10. Leaders have a strong support system

They have an emotional support system in place that helps them reason, that they go to regularly and that act as a sounding board.

They also surround themselves with people who are emotionally healthy.

#11. Leaders don’t take anything personally

To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can harm you without your consent.

So, emotionally disciplined leaders look for solutions instead of dwelling on their circumstances, focus on the positive and don’t dwell on the negative.

Last Words Of Advice!

You cannot run from your emotions and project false ones. 

Eventually, they will catch up with you. One small insignificant incident can trigger and instantly download all the emotions that you haven’t dealt with.

Don’t be afraid of your emotions. They are there to help you and they will ease up once you have confronted them.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

Advertisements

Are You Feeling Like An Outsider At Work? — 17 Simple Tips To Turn Your Situation Around

On my last 9 to 5 job, I remember my manager complaining to me that I would no longer be part of the team because I am too different, I asked too many questions and I don’t act like them or watch the same TV shows that they do.

Now at the time, I thought I wasn’t getting it and that I was failing at adulting.

Clearly, if I wanted to be successful in life and in my career, I either had to fake it and drain myself, or I needed to find another path and distance myself from “them”.

The point is that most organizations want their employees to be different and have original skills.

However, the reality is that most workplaces adhere to group-thinking, and create outsiders by forcing them to suppress their individuality for conformity.

Wondering what are the benefits of being an outsider and how you can overcome that feeling?

Are You Feeling Like An Outsider At Work? — 17 Simple Tips To Turn Your Situation Around

What is an outsider?

An outsider is a person who doesn’t feel like they belong. At work, that feeling translates itself into:

  • Feeling unsuccessful. According to society, being a successful adult at work means being great at your job, understanding and applying social norms.
  • Being unable to join a group or to find someone who matches your values and principles to some extent.
  • Being unable to express yourself freely in meetings and around a group of people.
  • Being excluded out of meetings or out of group conversations. If you are perpetually being excluded and are subject to other workplace harassment, your workplace is toxic and you must consider your mental health first.

Why are you feeling the way you do?

We are social creatures. We crave that feeling of belonging to a group that will take care of us and that will cooperate for better chances of survival.

Therefore, to get things done, we feel like we must fit in, preserve our well-being and be liked. Furthermore, feeling like an outsider can stem from:

  • A lack of cultural sensitivity. It is easy to feel excluded when we don’t understand a culture or when we don’t feel understood because of the cultural barrier.
  • A lack of social skills, a lack of confidence, a shy, introverted or lone wolf personality. Basically, feeling like an outsider is a social conditioning.
  • Your negative thoughts. If you believe certain things about yourself then they will most likely come through.
  • Differences in core values. For example, if most of your workplace like to gossip and you don’t, then you will start to feel excluded.
  • Gender gap. 
  • Generational gap. Each generation perceives the world differently and challenges the previous one. In one generation, people are shaped by social trends, are programmed with thoughts, values, moral ethics, models, examples of success and the guidelines to succeed.

What are the benefits of being an outsider?

I was brought up with the conviction that different is good. I believe that there are several ways of doing one thing.

So, I would never be thrown off if someone would go about life in an unconventional way. If you’re feeling like an outsider, chances are you:

  • Possess untapped talents and unused skills. Your feeling of being an outsider disappears when you find a place where you can exercise your gifts.
  • Are aware that you are not maximizing your potential and you are not walking in your purpose.
  • Are creative, innovative, are a trailblazer and a leader. Indeed, most leaders are outsiders. They have unique gifts and a unique perception of the world.
  • Can monetize what makes you different.

How to handle being an outsider?

Feeling included at work leads to better health, stronger work performance and brides a positive work environment. However, if you feel like an outsider, you are not alone.

Indeed, the feeling of being an outsider is very common and is not something to be ashamed of. Some people hide it, others don’t front. What is the best approach?

To claim your difference and get the best out of work:

  1. Accept yourself and take pride in your difference.
  2. Be compassionate with yourself. Not because you don’t fit in that there is something wrong with you.
  3. Strengthen your own identity and find out more about your core values.
  4. Identify your strengths and weaknesses so you can better apply them.
  5. Figure out your goals, build a vision board and remain focus on your goals.
  6. Understand that you don’t need to fit in to be successful and don’t need to be one-dimensional to exist.
  7. Acknowledge that feeling like an outsider is not a permanent nor unique situation. You can be the most wonderful person on this planet and still feel like an outsider.
  8. Stop trying hard to fit in. The more you try, the more you feel drained, the more you will end up with the wrong crowd. You just have to be prepared for when the right opportunities and people come your way.
  9. Assess your behavior and your thoughts towards your situation. Then, document your situation. Are you new to the company? Are people enjoying your company? Are people including you? Are you reserved or standoffish? Do you like, respect or understand the people you work with?
  10. Give yourself the time and space to explore what works for you, what you like and what you don’t like. There is no right place for you. You have to create your own space and not settle for less.
  11. Express who you truly are from time to time and observe what happens next. You will either create or shut off opportunities.
  12. Fill your days with activities that you enjoy.
  13. Build a strong support system with people who accept you for who you are.
  14. Support people who think and act outside the box. People who think outside the box are usually creative and innovative.
  15. Don’t pay attention to what people say about you. Don’t let external circumstances define you.
  16. Stop people pleasing and seeking outside validation. Avoid adjusting your personality and your core values to please people. Instead, observe the social norms at work, see if you want to acquire these norms, and then adjust your communication style, your work style accordingly.
  17. Otherwise, prepare an exit strategy.

Last words of Advice!

Sometimes, we have acquired all the diploma, all the skills for a job and still feel like an outsider.

Remember that there are benefits in not fitting in, that you are not failing, that you can be a leader and create your own path, that if you are not liked or included then you can be respected.

I have found that becoming an expert in your field will help you feel like you belong and will help you gain in credibility.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life By Jen Sincero

Jen Sincero wrote You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life at a time when she needed help, wanted to change and to find a deeper purpose.

In her book, Jen Sincero shares a few concepts that will help you become a bad*ss. Which means, you will be able to:

  • Believe in your vision and manifest it.
  • Overcome your fears.
  • Be comfortable with your failures and not feel guilty about your current situation. You will come to the realization that you can do more with your life, that you are capable to do better, that you don’t have to wait for failure or for the perfect situation to get started.
  • Takes risks, live large and understand that you have nothing to lose.
  • Love and forgive yourself.

You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life By Jen Sincero

The Mind Games You Play With Yourself

Parents, from the day you were born, pass down their beliefs to their children.

The truth is our subconscious mind, filled with beliefs from our childhood, rules our lives.

Unfortunately, those beliefs are limiting and false. However, we don’t know better when we are younger.

Besides, our conscious mind actively jump from one random thought to another, is not in full control of our lives. In fact, our subconscious mind and our conscious mind are constantly in conflict but the subconscious mind always win. To solve that conflict:

  • Become more aware of your subconscious beliefs.
  • Identify what is blocking you from the life you want to live.
  • Invite new positive beliefs into your life.

The Bad*Ass Concept For Purpose & Goal-Setting

Jen Sincero encourages us to believe that there are greater things out there, to get a deeper understanding of your spirituality, to set your goals, to activate the law of attraction and manifest what you want in life.

  • Believe what you want and it will come through.
  • Ask for what you want, act as if you have already received what you have asked for.
  • Keep your thoughts on your goals.
  • Manage your time appropriately. Get organized and stay organized.
  • Create a vision board.
  • Surround yourself with people who will help you become the person you aspire to be and who share your mentality.

How To Become A Bad*ss?

One moment we think we’re feeling fantastic, other times we are feeling real insecure. One must come to conclusion, see themselves the way they want to be, and look at themselves through the eyes of someone you admire.

Discovering your “bad*ssery” is all about finding out who you really are and living our best life. We must get in touch with our inner self, the person we were when we were born and love that person. To become a bad*ass:

  • Identify and appreciate your gifts and talents. Everyone is unique and has unique gifts.
  • Share your talents and gifts with the world. 
  • Rewire your brain with positive affirmations and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. At some point, you must choose to let go of wrong beliefs and of decisions that hold you back. To identify your fears and negative thoughts, when you are working, observe the type of thoughts when you suddenly stop, when you get discouraged.
  • Do activities that you enjoy.
  • Try new activities and get out your comfort zone.
  • Avoid self-deprecating humor and practice self-love.
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others. Watching someone go after their dream, after what they truly want can make others uncomfortable and trigger insecurities.
  • Forgive yourself for past and future mistakes. You must forgive yourself before you end up hurting yourself.
  • Stay in the present. Take example on animals and babies that are not concerned about the past or the future.
  • Don’t worry about what people think of you.
  • Be responsible for what you say or do.
  • Give more than you take.
  • Learn to be grateful for what you have and what has not yet manifested itself because gratitude trumps fear.
  • Trust your gut. Do what feels right and what interest you in the moment instead of thinking.
  • Always do your best. Your best doesn’t have to perfect.

Review

You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero is an entertaining, motivational and thoughtful book that encourages you to live your best life and provides a guide map to do so.

You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life is written for people who are looking to do better, be better and focus on the essentials. It is written for people who refuse to self-loathe, want to change and who want to manifest their purpose.

Furthermore, Jen Sincero makes some great points, is blunt in her delivery yet has an efficient message. She shares relatable topics such as love, purpose, relationship with money, career advancement and what you are willing to do to get ahead.

Matter of fact, her message is all common sense. However, most people are unaware of these principles, forget about them, and forget that what they need is already inside of them.

Jen Sincero keeps it real and positive throughout her book. She places great quotes at the beginning of every chapter and ends every chapter with a call to action to love yourself.

You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life resembles the principles of The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz in every way.

What this book has to do with being a leader, you ask?

This book is detrimental to leadership and clarifying your principles and core values. Leadership is all about discovering your purpose, the power of your conviction, controlling your subconscious mind, appreciating your strengths and weaknesses.

Let us know what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

If you want to live a life you’ve never lived, you have to do things you’ve never done.

We would be wise to take more of our cues from the beasts and babies.

It’s not that the things and opportunities that we want in life don’t exist yet.
It’s that we’re not yet aware of their existence (or the fact that we can really have them).

You are a badass. You were one when you came screaming onto this planet and you are one now. The Universe wouldn’t have bothered with you otherwise. You can’t screw up so majorly that your badassery disappears. It is who you are. It’s who you always will be. It’s not up for negotiation.

We’re born knowing how to trust our instincts, how to breathe deeply, how to eat only when we’re hungry, how to not care about what anyone thinks of our singing voices, dance moves, or hairdos, we know how to play, create, and love without holding back. Then, as we grow and learn from the people around us, we replace many of these primal understandings with negative false beliefs, fear, shame, and self-doubt.

What you choose to focus on becomes your reality.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Jen Sincero

The 5 Second Rule By Mel Robbins

The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins is a self-help book, urging people to take action by using a 5 second countdown trick.

What is The 5 Second Rule?

The 5 Second Rule is a “metacognition technique” that improves your sense of self, your life, career, health.

The principle of The 5 Second Rule is the following:

“The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.” At 1, you should be moving.

The 5 Second Rule By Mel Robbins

Where does The 5 Second Rule come from?

The principle of The 5 Second Rule comes from the combination of two thoughts:

  • Mel Robbins, while feeling she failed at life, realized that she would take only 5 seconds to talk herself out of waking up in the morning, out of improving and doing the right thing.
  • One night, while watching TV, Mel Robbins also made the observation that a rocket launches after a 5 second countdown. Afterwards, she would launch herself out of bed, the same way the rocket would launch into space.

What are the benefits of The 5 Second Rule?

The 5 Second Rule is an empowering thought process. Through this principle, you are able to experience freedom and quiet your mind.

The 5 Second Rule enables you to trust your instincts, to take back control of your life, to make the right decisions.

Among its various applications, you will have the ability to improve your health, focus on the essentials, increase your productivity, break procrastination, avoid distractions, be authentic, replace your bad habits with good ones, get up early and start your routine early in the morning.

The 5 Second Rule is a tool that drives courage in difficult times and builds “Real Confidence”. It pushes you to act and to change.

What about courage?

According to Mel Robbins, when trying to change, when facing something that is uncertain, unknown, that scares you or makes you hesitate, your brain feels like something is wrong.

Your mind will then stop the change process and trap you with your own thoughts.

Courage, your birthright, is therefore required to push you forward and to implement change.

The 5 Second Rule will give you the courage you need to go after what you really want, to have a more fulfilling life and to not give in to your fears.

In addition, it is detrimental for you to stop making excuses for not acting on your instincts. Your excuses are always wrong and there is no right time.

No external factor will validate your choices and your ideas. Only putting yourself out there and getting out your comfort zone will.

What about confidence?

Confidence is a skill which means it is a learnt behavior. In fact, your confidence has nothing to do with your personality and will increase every time you step out of your comfort zone.

Your everyday courage will help you assess your own worth, build up your confidence, connect with yourself, find your true passion, build meaningful relationships, and meet new people.

Your everyday courage gives you the confidence to explore and makes you realize that the power you need was inside of you all along.

Review

In appearance, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins, looks like a time management book that provides quick short-term fixes.

However, in reality, The 5 Second Rule is a transformational tool, delivering long-term results.

It is written for people who are plagued by fear, who want to change and take charge of their lives but don’t know how to. Change is difficult because it requires courage and confidence.

Furthermore, The 5 Second Rule can be customized to your liking. It enables you to:

  • Work on your confidence and your courage.
  • Stop overthinking, worrying and magnifying problems.
  • Trust your guts and honor your instincts.
  • Stop hesitating and holding yourself back.
  • Become more present and acquire patience.
  • Start performing and to become more goal-oriented.
  • Control your emotions, fight mental illnesses and bad mental habits.
  • Take ownership of your life and start the transformation process.

The 5 Second Rule is a principle that we already intuitively and intrinsically know. But, after years of research, Mel Robbins coherently put these ideas together.

Mel Robbins also shares poignant quotes, real examples and testimonials of people who have used The 5 Second Rule for diverse reasons.

The 5 Second Rule is life changing, encouraging, motivational and inspirational. It shows you how to change for the better.

Favorite quote(s)

That’s what you are doing when you use the Rule. You are honoring yourself. You are championing your ideas. And each time you use it, you take one step closer to being the person you are truly meant to be.

Doing the work to improve your life is simple, you can do it, and it’s work you want to do—because it’s the most important work that there is. It is the work of learning how to love and trust yourself enough to stop waiting and to start leaning into all the magic, opportunity, and joy that your life, work, and relationships have to offer.

When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.

The difference between people who make their dreams come true and those of us who don’t is just one thing: the courage to start and the discipline to keep going.

Ratings 3.5/5

Author

Mel Robbins

The Importance Of Gratitude In Leadership

Some leaders who have achieved high levels of success are unhappy and ungrateful.

They go through life with pessimism and a sense of emptiness.

They don’t express gratitude. They pass down their toxicity to other people, find faults on everything and everyone. Why is that?

It is safe to say that people who express gratitude in the workplace are seen as naive and weak. Are they really thou? Do they know something that we don’t?

Wondering what are the benefits of gratitude and how to improve your level of gratitude?

The Importance Of Gratitude In Leadership

What is gratitude?

The expression of gratitude is both personal and universal. It depends on your cultural background, your systems of belief, your circumstances and your self-awareness.

Gratitude is a conscious choice.

Gratitude is acknowledging the value of someone or something, celebrating success after reaching our goals, choosing to see the positive in any situation and consciously remembering who helped you.

Being grateful is a thinking process that needs constant work. It is a demonstration of your character and your internal strength.

Gratitude is a perception of life.

It is appreciating what you have in life, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Gratitude is an emotion, an attitude, a habit.

To some, gratitude is directly linked to happiness. To others, it fosters complacency and selfishness.

Benefits of gratitude?

Some days are harder than others. Gratitude doesn’t make things magically go away. However, it puts things in perspective.

In addition, being grateful has the ability to:

  • Increase your self-awareness. Gratitude will automatically influence your attitude, your character.
  • Stabilize your health, manage your emotional intelligence and improve your self-esteem. Gratitude is a combination of your emotions and your state of mind.
  • Increase your effectiveness, productivity and optimism.
  • Build great and valuable relationships. You will also be seen as friendly, positive and much more approachable.
  • Make others feel appreciatedMaking people feel valued will in turn make you feel valuable.
  • Promote empathy, resolve conflicts and successfully influence people.
  • Help you recognize that a curse is in fact a blessing in disguise.
  • Help you activate the laws of attraction. more opportunities will come to you naturally.
  • Make the best of everything.
  • Value and focus on the things that you do have.
  • Help you enjoy your journey and find greater meaning in life.
  • Energize you and help you experience positive emotions. It prevents depression and suppresses pride.

Through this practice, leaders build up a reservoir of positive energy.

How to improve your gratitude?

Gratitude is recognizing people for the things that they gift you, for the hurdles, the joys, for your past, present and future. To express your gratitude, practice these tips:

  1. Identify your strengths and weaknesses.
  2. Accept yourself for who you really are.
  3. Clarify your own goals and purpose. You will then know when to celebrate your success.
  4. Keep an open mind which means that you must be open to explore and to learn.
  5. Be sincere and positive. Avoid focusing on negativity in general.
  6. Show that you care and directly give thanks.
  7. Write down all the things that you are grateful for. You can also keep a personal journal. Then, you can memorize what you are grateful for so you can visualize it during hard times.
  8. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable, to emote and to speak your mind.
  9. Volunteer and give back to people.
  10. Engage in activities that are essential and beneficial to you.
  11. Maximize the opportunities that come your way.
  12. Learn from your painful experiences.

Gratitude is not a common emotion or state in the workplace.

Furthermore, nothing can make you feel demoralized and unappreciated like an ungrateful boss.

Nevertheless, at work, there are several opportunities to demonstrate gratitude: a motivated team, a respectful salary, expected results.

To nurture a culture of gratitude within your organization, it is important to exercise your muscle frequently :

  1. Lead by example and be genuine when expressing gratitude.
  2. Get to know your team.
  3. Help someone out once in a while.
  4. Acknowledge people’s success and offer rewards for a job well done.
  5. Sincerely compliment people once in a while.
  6. Encourage your team to always do their best.
  7. Provide frequent feedback.

What are the things that you are the most grateful for?

 

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gathers four “agreements” to live by to ensure a better lifestyle, a deeper understanding of life, a life in the moment.

What is an agreement?

The four agreements come from the Toltec teachings of wisdom. The goal of this book is to make each agreement a habit.

An agreement is:

  • a programming of the mind.
  • a language, a code that helps us understand each other.
  • a belief system that has domesticated us.

It represents the rules that we abide to, that we pass down from generation to generation.

unfortunately, we have not chosen the agreements that we have concluded. Most of the time, they have been chosen for us and existed longer than we have.

The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz

The First Agreement

The first agreement is to be “impeccable with your words“. This means that you must be careful of not using words against yourself and others.

Indeed, there is power in the words that you use. Matter of fact, it is the most powerful tool at your disposition. 

You can use your words to create beauty or to wreak havoc.

“What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word”.

Purpose of the agreement

Being “impeccable with your words” helps you suppress any toxicity from your mind, free your mind from fear and doubt, and filter out negativity.

Implementing the agreement

Furthermore, words grow and take root in your mind if we are not careful. So:

  • Be true to yourself.
  • Be careful of the words that you use on yourself.
  • Do not speak against yourself.
  • Avoid gossiping and don’t believe gossip.
  • Accept and love yourself so you can demonstrate love and acceptance toward others.

The Second Agreement

The second agreement is to not “take anything personally”.

Often times, people are preoccupied with their own beliefs, feelings and opinions about themselves that they take out on others.

Even if they insult you directly, it is wise not to take their insult personally.

Purpose of the agreement

This agreement is necessary to avoid burdening yourself with people’s problem, setting “yourself up to suffer for nothing”.

Acquiring this habit will help you free yourself, keep your heart open, see people for who they really are, and be unaffected by fear.

Implementing the agreement

Understand that:

  • All opinions about you are not necessarily true.
  • Opinions about you depends on the person and on their moods.
  • We can choose what to believe and what to agree with.
  • You must trust yourself and don’t need to trust anyone else.

The Third Agreement

The third agreement consists in not making assumptions.

Undeniably, assumptions are not the truth and breeds problems.

Purpose of the agreement

The third agreement will help you build better relationships and increase your communication skills.

Implementing the agreement

To properly implement this agreement:

  • Ask for clarifications rather than making assumptions.
  • Remember that it is OK to ask questions.
  • Collect the right data about people and situations first.
  • Don’t assume that people can read your mind.
  • Ask for what you want, expect yes or no. Understand that you can say yes or no as well.

The Fourth Agreement

This fourth agreement encourages you to always “do you best“. It consolidates all previous three agreements.

Purpose of the agreement

Forming the habit of always doing your best will:

  • Save you from harsh self-judgement.
  • Increase your production.
  • Mature your self-love

Implementing the agreement

Keep in mind that:

  • Your best will fluctuate all the time. It will depend on your mood, on your energy level, on your health and on your situation.
  • you must take action without expecting any rewards. This way, you will be able to enjoy your actions better.

Review

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz provides a very powerful perspective on life. It encourages self-transformation, self-awareness, self acceptance, and the understanding of others.

I found out briefly that The Four Agreements, yet short, is thoughtful and goes straight to the point. It calls out society’s hypocrisy, fear and domestication.

Everyone I know who have read this book has felt elevated. It was therefore hard to resist reading it and I have to say that I did not regret it.

As you read, you will find that you already had the knowledge and the wisdom within you but have been holding it back. You will learn to trust yourself and set yourself free.

Favorite quote(s)

The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.

Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally.

Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.

All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.

Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are.

Ratings 4.5/5

Author

Don Miguel Ruiz

Don Miguel Ruiz

MEET THE AUTHORDon Miguel Ruiz is a renowned spiritual teacher and internationally bestselling author of the “Toltec Wisdom Series,” including The Four Agreements, The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, The Four Agreements Companion Book, The Circle of Fire, and The Fifth Agreement.

The Importance Of Being Present In Leadership

Leaders often find themselves looking for the next best thing, distracted by the past and worrying about the future.

However, dwelling in the past or the future brings about dissatisfaction and unhappiness, impedes leaders from being effective, from being creative or finding appropriate solutions.

Indeed, we have all experienced these moments in meetings when everyone in the room is completely checked out, where people talk over each other and where no useful information is shared.

Wondering how to improve your leadership and live in the present?

The Importance Of Being Present In Leadership

What being present means?

Being present is a state of mind. It means being able to quiet your mind, to stay open and authentic, to remain in constant contact with your emotions and with your surroundings.

Being present means living in the moment and not overthinking the past, the present or the future. When you live in the present, you don’t over-analyze life, you accept your situation, take action or effectively resolve your problem.

Benefits of being present

Being present is powerful because it can be acted upon right now.

Usually, people dissatisfaction or unhappiness is caused by their attachment to the future or the past. Being present will help you:

  • Become more effective, more intuitive, more creative.
  • Be more aware of your fluctuating thoughts and emotions.
  • Achieve a higher sense of confidence and authenticity.
  • Increase your level of gratitude, trust, respect and broaden your charisma.
  • Gain the ability to interpret and to respond appropriately to any given situation.
  • Get the most out of your day and out of others.
  • Hone your communication and relationship skills. You can then connect with others, adapt to people and read them better.
  • Build up your emotional intelligence.
  • Foresee challenges and notice details.
  • Avoid being in a constant state of pain, anxiety or depression.
  • Retrieve your ability to enjoy your life and be an inspiration to people around you.
  • Activate the Law of Attraction.

How to become more present?

Most of the time our mind is somewhere else.

Thoughts submerge us whether we want it or not. Therefore, asking someone to stop thinking is like asking them to stop breathing.

Your job is to not eliminate the thoughts that come to mind but to control them.

Needless to say, learning to be present is not an overnight process. Becoming more present requires a lot of self-discipline and self-awareness:

  1. Understand that you are a mental, intellectual, emotional, spiritual being.
  2. Understand that your past doesn’t define you and that you cannot go back in time. Worrying about the past will not help you identify what is wrong in the present and will definitely strengthen your negative thoughts.
  3. Do not worry about the future. Your mind tries to create the future from your past and not from your present information. However, dreaming of your future is OK if you are expecting better for yourself.
  4. Be self-aware and conscious. The moment you realize that you are not present, you are in the moment.
  5. Stay true to yourself, avoid comparing yourself to others and avoid caring about what others think of you.
  6. Listen to your gut and constantly remind yourself of your purpose.
  7. Observe the patterns of your mind and observe your own reaction.
  8. Accept the thoughts that come to you, don’t act on them and keep it moving.
  9. Take time to reflect, to listen to yourself before dealing with people or entering a situation that you cannot handle. For example, I like taking my lunch break alone to center myself, to give me time to recharge my batteries.
  10. Slow down, avoid multitasking and give yourself time to think before making a decision.
  11. Avoid external distractions to be able to engage properly with people.
  12. Prioritize, appreciate your time and energy. It is also important to avoid missing moments with your family and friends.
  13. Be more empathetic, actively listen to people and seek someone else’s point of view.
  14. Find things to be grateful about.
  15. Find an activity that you enjoy in the moment.
  16. Practice focusing on your breathing.
  17. Surround yourself with people who matter most to you.
  18. Compliment people, once in a while and give them your full attention.
  19. Do not self-medicate.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

Daring Greatly By Brené Brown

In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explains the reasons why we are afraid of being vulnerable, the different ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability, and how to become more vulnerable in our society.

Daring Greatly means being vulnerable, being engaged, being exposed and avoiding being perfect.

Daring Greatly By Brené Brown

A Narcissistic Society

Many researchers have shown that the American culture has turned into a narcissistic influenced culture, a culture of scarcity, a culture where people put themselves first, think that they are special, are always connected to social media, go after money and power, chase beauty and other vanity, compare themselves, are disengaged and concerned with the idea of lacking.

Instead of putting sown narcissistic people and showing them that they are not special, it is better to seek understanding and find the root of the problem.

Being narcissistic stems from a feeling of not being enough and of being ordinary.

Vulnerability & The Feeling Of Not Being Enough

The feeling of not being enough brings about shame and stops us from being vulnerable. Shame is a universal emotion, is corrosive, “keeps us small, resentful and afraid”.

Furthermore, we become disengaged when we are too afraid to be vulnerable, when we are ashamed, when we lack purpose, when a social contract is not met.

It is critical to speak out on your shame, to be self-aware, to know your self-worth, to ask and receive feedback because knowing your worth will help you become more vulnerable.

To eradicate the feeling of shame:

  • Identify your shame triggers.
  • Observe your self talk.
  • Practice authenticity.
  • Accept your experiences.
  • Share your experience, be vulnerable with someone who genuinely cares about you.

Common Misconceptions About Vulnerability

We are thought not to be vulnerable, not to show our emotions, to look down on those who do. There are several misconceptions when it comes to vulnerability.

Misconception #1: “Vulnerability is weakness”

The reality is vulnerability is not a weakness, is not good or bad. Vulnerable is the origin of all emotions. It therefore becomes important to acknowledge your vulnerability.

Besides, the people who think that they are impenetrable are in fact the most vulnerable.

Misconception #2: “I don’t do vulnerability”

Vulnerability is unavoidable. When we try to avoid it, we often exhibit unusual inconsistent behaviors.

Misconception #3: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out”

You cannot be vulnerable with everyone. It is important to build trust and boundaries before being vulnerable. Otherwise, more times than ever, you will end up getting betrayed and hurt.

Misconception #4: “We can go it alone”

Individualism and going it alone are highly regarded in American culture. In this case, it is essential to construct a support system, to ask for and receive help

Shame As A Management Tool

Most of the time, shame and the blame game are used as management tool, yet is ineffective.

Subsequently, the situations that we face on a daily basis, in the education system, in the workplace, force us to keep our head down and our mouth shut which doesn’t encourage innovation, creativity or the learning process.

Vulnerability & Protective Mechanism

Our protective mechanisms are survival strategies, used to shield our vulnerability. Those shields can go from foreboding joy, to perfectionism to numbing down your emotions.

To avoid shielding vulnerability, it is critical to:

  • Practice gratitude.
  • Appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Confront your emotions.
  • Live a more fulfilling life and feed your spirit.
  • Focus your time and energy on the essentials.
  • Consider how your behavior affect those around you.

Shield #1: Victim mentality

Some people go through life with a victim or perpetrator, win or lose mentally and subsequently fall into one of these categories.

Surprisingly, the people who have been through the most trauma, demonstrate the most resilience. And, people who don’t feel like victims or perpetrators, see themselves as thrivers.

Shield #2: “Floodlighting”

Floodlighting is essentially oversharing and stems from a need for confirmation and validation.

We have to be careful not to share vulnerable stories too soon with people who have not earned the right to hear them. The people on the receiving end often shut down, lack empathy or feel disconnected.

Shield #3: “The smash and grab”

With this shield, some people use vulnerability as a manipulation, sensationalizing tactic that is common in celebrity culture, as an attention seeking tool.

Shield #4: “Serpentining”

Serpentining is a draining and an avoidance behavior. It happens when people are not facing a situation head on for fear of being vulnerable, of not being present.

Shield #5: Mean-spiritedness

In this case, people use criticism, cynicism and mean-spiritedness to protect themselves. They are mean to people who dare demonstrate vulnerability.

Review

Daring Greatly is essential to leadership, parenting, relationships, finding your purpose and your passion.

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown gives insight into the corporate and the western culture where being vulnerable equals being weak and lets you open to different attacks.

Through Daring Greatly, Brown has gathered data from people from different walks of life so we can somewhat self diagnose and become more aware of some of our toxic behavior.

Brené Brown makes some pertinent point and writes exactly like she speaks. Furthermore, Brown is very open and authentic, shares her anecdotes, fears and doubt. For example, she is vulnerable with us, mindful of the stories to share, lets us into her conversations with her therapist.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.

Favorite quote(s)

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.

Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.

We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all—there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and
hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.

Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark. The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.

Ratings 4/5

Author

Brené Brown