Quote Of The Week #187

Quote Of The Week #187 The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself—the invisible battles inside all of us—that's where it's at. – Jesse Owens #quote #quotes #innerself #selfawareness  #selfdevelopment https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

18 Innovative Approaches To Improve Your Positive Thoughts, To Change Your Work Life And Your Leadership

Thoughts, positive or negative, influence our character, our behavior, our vision, how we deal with setbacks, how we build and maintain relationships, has direct impact on our body and health, emotions…

For instance, negative thoughts affect our daily lives more than we think and can send us down a spiral of despair, depression, insecurity, anxiety and self-sabotage.

Needless to say, most people want to improve themselves, to evolve, to get ahead in their work life but have a tendency to welcome negative thoughts or ignore how to shut them down.

Unfortunately, they end up hindering their accomplishments and career advancements.

That is why it is necessary to control the damage caused by our mind, to discipline our thoughts and emotions, to build up a robust positive attitude and to find peace of mind.

Wondering how to process and control negative thoughts, emotions and how to use a positive mindset to get ahead at work?

18 Innovative Approaches To Improve Your Positive Thoughts, To Change Your Work Life And Your Leadership

Thoughts automatically appear in our mind. They come from past experiences and from the fact that we believe what people have previously said about us. They can be brought up by a word, an image or a memory and employ torture words that decrease our self-esteem, worsens situations, such as “should”, “must” and “have to”.

Because they are spontaneous, we think that they are true. In the long run, thoughts sometimes become rigid beliefs, absolute truths.

Therefore, it becomes an imperative to gain control over them. Disciplining your mind, controlling your thoughts and generating emotions regardless of your environment, regardless the level of attack help you become more mature, make healthier decisions, become more creative, escape, heal bad memories.

Maintaining A Positive Mindset

Positive attitudes can become difficult to maintain in challenging situations in the workplace. But once acquired, it is a habit that can help you overcome bad situations.

Indeed, positivity ensures progress, diffuses situations, alleviates stress, reduces fear, increases endurance, increase self-esteem, attracts positive results and better opportunities. It requires inner work and is independent of external circumstances of the outcome.

There are many ways to bring positivity into the workplace and to your mindset.

1. Identify the source of your thoughts 

Identify the source of your thoughts and check the memories that you store in your brain.

Be selective about the information that come into your mind.

Stay away from the news because they will negatively affect you.

Have a joke of the day and send it to people who matter to you. Watch shows, listen to podcasts, audio books that will uplift you, inspire you and motivate you.

2. Identify triggers, patterns in your thought process

Identify triggers, patterns in your thought process.

How do they start? What my thoughts say about me? What are the consequences of my thoughts? What do you say regularly to yourself?

3. Be aware of the content of your thoughts

At some point, you must be aware of the content of your thoughts.

Therefore, you will be able to interrupt them whenever they don’t help you, to delete the negative ones and replace them with forward-looking ones. Changing thought patterns is difficult because our brain generally resist change.

4. Understand that you are not the prisoner of your thoughts

When you understand that you are not the prisoner of your thoughts, you will eventually become the one to change the atmosphere in the workplace, won’t allow the environment to drain you or define who you are and won’t let someone else control your behavior.

5. Think about who you want to become

It helps to:

  • Think about who you want to become and how you want to affect people.
  • Write down 5 dreams that you have ever have, find 5 words to describe yourself and think about it several a day.

6. Select and force your brain to redirect negative thoughts

When faced with negativity, select and force your brain to redirect negative thoughts toward more pleasant alternatives.

For example, think about the opposite of the negative thought, attach constructive emotions to an outcome, visualize a positive outcome for the situation or visualize the perfect life every day before you got to bed and everyday when you wake up.

7. Focus on what is going right

What’s going right for you?

Focus on what is going right instead of what is going wrong.

People give negative emotions more importance than the positive ones, which conditions our brain to bring up negative thoughts automatically and repetitively for a long period of time.

You have the power to choose and train your brain to give positive emotions more attention.

8. Accept the present moment

Improving your thoughts reside in accepting the present moment and understanding that it is inevitable.

How to focus and stay in the present? Understand that panicking and worrying is useless, that the past is unchangeable and the future uncontrollable, that every experiences have made you who you are today.

9. Give your thoughts a name

Give your thoughts a name and call them out whenever they send us down a negative spiral and challenge every single thought by speaking them out loud.

10. Be grateful

It is easy to complain and whine, so be grateful that you have a job and show appreciation in your contribution.

11. Learn to discern toxic coworkers

Learn to discern toxic coworkers.

Don’t tolerate or focus on negative people.

12. Wake up early

Get up early and work out before going to work to seize the day and release the endorphins throughout the day.

13. Create a positive work zone

Create a positive work zone by insulating yourself with headphones for example.

Also, avoid gossip at all cost, put up motivational objects around your desk.

Take regular breaks from your cubicle to stop thinking, to meditate and go to the bathroom.

14. Create a better work life balance

It becomes essential to create a better work life balance to protect your home life.

So, leave the drama at work, be strict with your hours, avoid staying late and taking work at home!

15. Behave positively as well

Meaning fake it until you make it…

16. Separate yourself from the negativity

Sooner or later, you will have to separate yourself from the negativity and surround yourself with open-minded people with a positive mindset.

One way would be to stick positive quotes on your wall of your cubicle or on your desk.

17. Change your surroundings

Take a class after work or find a hobby so you have something to look forward to at the end of the day.

18. Find better!

Finally, if this environment isn’t working out the way you want to, you can always discreetly find a more comfortable and productive workplace.

Last Words Of Advice!

There is a need for Positive Leadership.

Positive leaders have a moral compass, are purpose driven, communicate effectively, exhibit integrity and provide emotional safety.

Because they inject good energy into the team, they instill an atmosphere of trust and openness they rip enthusiasm, motivation, transparency from their team.

Positive leaders are able to impact their company culture, improve results, increase performance and enhance job satisfaction.

18 Innovative Approaches To Improve Your Positive Thoughts, To Change Your Work Life And Your Leadership

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

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Goal Setting & The 80/20 Principle — 18 Ways To Apply This Principle And Change Your Life

Strangely, this week, I found myself explaining the 80/20 principle to everyone I know…

Though this principle is well-known by leaders, it is rarely applied. Leaders around the globe get flooded with information, sometimes more than they can handle. However, they have to make swift decisions and keep their most important objectives in mind.

To extract value and positivity in every situation, to improve our daily life, our institutions, our efficiency, our processes, our achievements, it is detrimental to understand the 80/20 Principle.

Wondering how to generate goals and focus on the most important ones using the 80/20 Principle?

Goal Setting & The 80/20 Principle

What Is The 80/20 Principle?

The 80/20 Principle is actually known as the Principle of Imbalance, the Principle of Least Effort or the Pareto Law, uncovered in 1897 by Vilfredo Pareto, an italian economist. In the 19th century, in England, Pareto noticed that 80% of the wealth and income was accumulated by only 20% of the population. Furthermore, Pareto remarked that the wealth was not evenly distributed and that not only wealth was distributed in this manner. The Pareto Principle was consistently reproducible in different countries, in different times and with different sets of data. The Pareto Principle :

  • has been justified by Professor Zipf who demonstrated that 70% of marriages happened to people living 30% within each other.
  • has been used by Joseph Moses Juran during the industrial revolution, in Japan, in order to improve the quantity, the reliability and the value of customer goods.
  • is illustrated in every cause to effect relationship. For example,
    • 20% of employees or customers are responsible for 80% of the company profits.
    • 20% of criminals commit 80% of the crimes.
    • 20% of your clothes in your closet will be worn 80% of the time.
    • 80% of our achievements happen in 20% of our time.

According to Richard Koch, author of The 80/20 Principle The secret of achieving more with less, the principle either requires 80/20 Analysis or 80/20 Thinking:

  • 80/20 Analysis: Before taking action, Prior analysis of the non linear relationship between cause and effort. This analysis is time-consuming but more detailed.
  • 80/20 Thinking: Before taking action, intuitively identify what is most important, then verify the usefulness of the 80/20 principle in the given situation. This is faster.

Why It Will Change Your Life

Generally, the 80/20 is used to prioritize, to set goals, to achieve more in less time and with less effort. It can be applied in business, in life, in any social grouping and in various cultures. For instance, in business, it helps you identify the areas where you lose time, money and where it is possible to cut your losses. To exploit its full potential, the 80/20 principle exerts us to:

  • Spot the most important and ignore the massive unimportant.
  • Understand that every action doesn’t lead to the same outcome or even lead to one.
  • Use and work on strengths rather than weaknesses.
  • Seek shortcuts instead of taking long detours.
  • Gain more control over our lives and thoughts, our work and career selection.
  • Relax, work less and “target a limited number of very valuable goals”.
  • Transform your work habits.
  • Target a number of valuable goals.
  • Develop a healthy business strategy.
  • It is always possible to improve your skills.
  • Multiply what is effective.
  • Apply it in business to reduce costs and to generate more revenue.

Putting The Principle Into Practice To Set Tangible Goals

The 80/20 is for those who want more of their life, for the ambitious, for the goal-oriented and for the self-disciplined. Being ambitious is not synonymous to bein overworked, busy, or sacrificing yourself. To harness the 80/20 Principle, to make your dreams more feasible and to grow exponentially in any field:

  1. Discover what you are more enthusiastic about in life.
  2. Avoid investing the same amount of energy in everything that you pursue. Be strategic and identify the best 20% and invest 80% of your effort.
  3. Most people believe that goals are wishes, mere desires that they don’t believe they can achieve. Get clarity and be specific on what you want. There is no unrealistic goals.
  4. Make your goals big. The bigger the goal, the bigger the impact on your life, the higher the motivation and the longer you can maintain the vision.
  5. Make sure that these goals are self-imposed.
  6. Keep your goals simple. Simple is rare but simple is effective. Choose simplicity first. For example, identify the simplest and most standardized product, nurture the simplest 20%, make it high quality and eliminate the rest. In addition, simple businesses are better than complex ones because they deliver better value and perform better.
  7. Find ways to make your goals achievements fun. Avoid spending time on easy tasks and tune out distractions. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said it best: “Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least”.
  8. Avoid focusing on the negative and waiting for a positive outcome. It is necessary to let go of the customers, employees, products and processes that don’t bring profits
  9. Know your values and purpose. Then, align your goals with your values in order to feel more fulfilled.
  10. Analyze the reasons and the costs of these goals beforehand. Applying the 80/20 Analysis will indicate whether or not you would pursue them.
  11. Write down your goals for various parts of your life (career, work processes, leadership styles, lifestyle, health) and accomplish the most important goal. These goals must have value. Writing down goals allows you to solidify them subconsciously and to get everything into place.
  12. Write down what you really want and write it down as if you are writing it from the future, having already achieved your goal.
  13. Work on this one goal all the time. 20 Percent of your activities will result in 80 percent of our results. It is  a known fact that you shouldn’t put all your eggs in a basket. Instead, choose the basket to put all your eggs into.
  14. Review these goals on a daily to keep your commitment to yourself.
  15. Divide your goals into smaller steps to make your plan more coherent and easier to achieve.
  16. Identify the obstacles, the knowledge needed, the relationships that you have to build to achieve your goals.
  17. Measure your progress with parameters like money, time, energy, emotional investment. You can even create a deadline. If you miss a deadline, create another one.
  18. Share your goals with those that will implement it.

Last Words Of Advice!

Don’t beat yourself or your team up for not realizing all your goals. Have you used the 80/20 principle and what have you noticed? What is one of the goal that you want to accomplish? Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership! Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below. Goal Setting & The 80/20 Principle

 
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5 Ways To Turn Yourself Into An Emotionally Strong Leader

Strong leaders constantly evaluate themselves, check their emotional status, practice self-discipline and maintain their cool no matter what…

Leaders cannot overcome hurdles, make tough decisions and eventually experience positive events if they are not emotionally strong.

Wondering how to become an emotionally strong leader?

5 Ways To Turn Yourself Into An Emotionally Strong Leader #emotionalintelligence #emotionaldiscipline #emotions #emotion #leader #leadershipdevelopment https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

1. Understand that your emotions are useful

Your emotions are there to guide you through life and not superimpose over your life because life is more than your emotions. Of course, you have relationships you care about, a purpose in life, passions and goals.

Good or bad, positive or negative, your emotions are useful and shouldn’t control your life.

Being able to gain control over your emotions is all about recognizing which emotion you are dealing with, acquiring self-awareness, engaging in positive self-talk and forging positive habits.

2. Acknowledge that everybody has problems

Everybody has problems and is a part of life. You just have to face them sooner or later.

The truth is there isn’t a person in this world who is problem free. There are just some people who are able to handle them and others who aren’t.

Emotionally strong leaders are solution-oriented and understand that problems actually build character, experience, grit and stamina.

3. Learn from your failures

There is always a lesson that can be learnt from your failures.

That is why there is no need to dwell on the past, but mental muscles are built through adversity and more lessons are learnt from failures than from success.

4. Realize that your mind can adapt to just about anything

Whatever you are going through, however uncomfortable you may feel, emotionally strong leaders don’t run away from their problems.

After a while, you will grow, get out of your comfort zone and your mind will simply adjust to your circumstances.

Adaptable leaders know how to self-regulate, focus on the important things they can control and don’t focus on the drama.

5. Find your purpose

Your purpose is made of clear life goals that will motivate you, help you wake up in the morning and help you overcome adversity.

When emotionally strong leaders have found their purpose and their inner motivator, they are able to focus on the essentials, easily influence and motivate others.

Last Words Of Advice!

Give yourself the freedom to express your thoughts and emotions when you really want to.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

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Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be By Rachel Hollis

The lies Society, media, family members, bosses tell us can easily become our Truth.

There are many lies that stand at the basis of our insecurities and that are stopping us from becoming who we really want to become…

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be By Rachel Hollis #book #books #bookreviews #selfawareness #selfdevelopment #selfimprovement #changemindset #successmindset https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

1. The Lie about Happiness

We always think that the grass is always greener on the other side.

However, this is not always true and we must figure out what makes us feel good or what feeds our spirit and do these things.

2. The Lie about Procrastination

Procrastination is like breaking a promise to yourself.

The key to overcoming procrastination is to:

  • Start small and to take small steps towards your goals.
  • Stay committed to your goals. That is why your goals have to be important to you so you can stay committed on the long term.
  • Be honest with yourself about the reasons of your procrastination.
  • Take accountability for your actions.

3. The Lie about Self-worth

In Society, we constantly feel the need to prove our worth. That desire to prove ourselves and feel good enough translates itself negatively into different areas of our lives.

To overcome the need to prove yourself, you can always:

  • Get some therapy to discover who you truly are, be honest with yourself and find some internal resolve.
  • Take the time you need to take care of yourself and recharge your batteries.
  • Add yourself to your own priority list. As cliché as it sounds, you have to take care of yourself before taking care of others.

4. The Lie about Comparison and Judgement

We often feel the compulsive need to judge and compete with others. It becomes imperative to:

  • Keep an open-mind: you don’t know everything and you don’t have everything figured out.
  • Nobody is immune to judgement so work on your own insecurities and tell yourself the truth.
  • Surround yourself with people who would tell you the truth, build you up instead of putting you down.

5. The Lie about Rejection

“When it comes to your dreams, no is not an answer”. No is not the final answer.

Therefore, it requires strength to:

  • Reframe your mindset: what is happening to you and how you respond to it is all about perspective.
  • Not accept no as the final answer
  • Claim and remember your goals: you can write them down and create a vision board.
  • Be bold about your goals.
  • Understand that if one path towards your goal doesn’t work, change the path and not the goals.

6. The Lie about Expectations

We often feel like we haven’t achieved what we have set out to achieve fast enough.

But there is no need to worry because our goals don’t have expiration dates.

7. The Lie about Authenticity

Society lies to us and tells us that we have to fit a specific mould to exist.
The truth is there isn’t only one right way to exist.

There isn’t one right way to be a woman. There isn’t one right way to be a daughter, friend, boss, wife, mother, or whatever else you categorize yourself as. There are so many different versions of each and every style on this… Click To Tweet

Review

In Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be, Rachel Hollis, in a witty and self-deprecating fashion, dispels the lies perpetrated by Society — lies that we tend to believe about ourselves and accept as a fundamental truth.

After a while, these lies destroy our self worth because we find it hard to live up to the lies that Society projects when it comes to self image, relationship to others, goal accomplishment, self care, and career success.

Rachel Hollis shares her life story and perspective on why people are generally unhappy and unsuccessful.

Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be is dedicated to women who have struggled to find themselves or face the truth about themselves. It deals with all the insecurities that women may face throughout their lives and gives solutions that can be implemented through introspection.

Implementing change isn’t easy: it will take time and hard work, several trials and errors. But, it will be worth it!

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

You, and only you, are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happy you are.

Judging is still one of the most hurtful, spiteful impulses we own, and our judgments keep us from building a stronger tribe… or from having a tribe in the first place. Our judgment prohibits us from beautiful, life-affirming friendships. Our judgment keeps us from connecting in deeper, richer ways because we’re too stuck on the surface level assumptions we’ve made.

The first step toward becoming the best version of yourself is being honest, truly honest, about what makes you tick.

Truly, I’ve been told no in so many different ways and by so many different people that sometimes it seems as if life itself is saying no. I am an expert in rejection—or more specifically, I am an expert in bouncing back from rejection and fighting my way toward my goal.

I am successful because I refused to take no for an answer. I am successful because I have never once believed my dreams were someone else’s to manage. That’s the incredible part about your dreams: nobody gets to tell you how big they can be.

There are many types of trauma—big, small, childhood, adult—but we all belong to a club we never asked to join. We find solidarity in numbers, in hearing other stories…

There isn’t one right way to be a woman. There isn’t one right way to be a daughter, friend, boss, wife, mother, or whatever else you categorize yourself as. There are so many different versions of each and every style on this planet, and beauty lives in that dichotomy.

Ratings 3/5

Author

Rachel HollisDigiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2021

Rachel Hollis

Meet the author #author #biography #book #books #bookreviews #leadership journeytoleadershipblog.comRachel Hollis is the CEO of Chic Media, a TV personality, motivational speaker and blogger.

Rachel Hollis is also the bestselling author of Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be.Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2021

6 Leadership Books To Read Before The Year Ends

Leading others often starts with leading oneself…

Below are the 6 best leadership and self help books that you can read right now to develop your sense of direction, find your most authentic self and achieve your goals!

6 Leadership Books To Read Before The Year Ends #book #books #bookreviews #bookrecommendations https://journeytoleadershipblog.com

Wondering what are the best leadership books to read before this year comes to an end?

1. Grit By Angela Duckworth

Grit is nothing more than a combination of courage, passion and perseverance.

In her book Grit, Angela Duckworth interviews a series of leaders from all walks of life whose grit has helped them succeed and whose stories will surely inspire you.

2. How To Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie

In How To Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie gives practical advice on how to successfully attract people, convert their way of thinking towards our ideas, on how to be more confident, achieve more and reach your highest potential in life thanks to your relationships.

3. The Little Book Of Big Lies By Tina Lifford

In The Little Book Of Big Lies, Tina Lifford gives helpful advice for you to build up your inner self and shares fourteen real life stories to help you move on from trauma and your past.

4. Year Of Life By Shonda Rhimes

In her funny memoir Year Of Life, Shonda Rhimes shares her poignant life story and her journey towards personal success.

Throughout her book, she makes you laugh but also reflect on the power of saying yes, of continually staying positive and focused.

5. The Magic Of Thinking Big By David J. Schwartz 

David J. Schwartz teaches us throughout The Magic Of Thinking Big to:

  • Think big and set bigger than life goals.
  • Overcome our fear of failure by actually accomplishing our goals.
  • Fail forward and trust the process.

6. The Obstacle Is The Way By Ryan Holiday

In The Obstacle Is The Way, Ryan Holiday employs the lessons of Greek philosophy  to help you see past your failures and obstacles. He encourages you to persevere no matter what and to apply a certain stoicism to most of your life situations.

Last Words Of Advice!

Each one of these books demonstrate ways to achieve long term success, accomplish your dreams and figure out a solution to every single one of your problems. To top it all off, these books also exhibit great examples of people who have remained optimistic and creative in the face of challenges.

 

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

Journey To Leadership is now hosting networking events…

Come and join us in Paris on February 26th, 2021!

Purchase your tickets for all our events on Eventbrite and Meetup.com!

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The Courage To Be Disliked By Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

The pursuit of happiness is a concept that has been studied since ancient times…

The Adlerian philosophy provides a thought mindset to help everyone reach happiness, no matter their emotions, their past, background or current circumstances.

Contrary to the Freudian philosophy, Adlerian psychology, in line with Greek philosophy, doesn’t adhere to a cause to effect approach, that one’s past determines their present and ultimately their future.

The fact is that life is a series of choices that fulfills a subjective objective and fits a chosen lifestyle, a given view of the world.

It would require courage to change lifestyle and to chose to be happy.

The Courage To Be Disliked By Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

Main Concepts of Adlerian Psychology

A long dialogue takes place between a Youth, eager for answers, searching for “the truth about life” and a Philosopher, willing to share his knowledge for 5 nights.

The conversation does not only revolve around being happy and being liked but on finding happiness and moreover acquiring a sense of self, freedom and a deepening belief in equality in all areas of life.

What is standing in the way of happiness: Emotions and the Past

People are not controlled by their emotions or their past: emotions are just tools to achieve a goal and you mustn’t look at what you were born with or into but what you can possibly make of it.

“The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be Y or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can… Click To Tweet

What is standing in the way of happiness: Dealing with interpersonal relationship problems

Unfortunately, most problems that we face are interpersonal relationship problems.

That is because, universally, everybody has feelings of inferiority that are based in an intense desire to continually improve and a comparison with one’s idea of self.

Furthermore, people pursue feelings of superiority through growth, actions and the learning process, and a lack of comparison to other people.

These feelings of inferiority if in excess or not taken care of can develop into inferiority or superiority complexes. However, some people choose to take actionable and courageous steps to overcome these feelings, others use these feelings to justify their actions.

All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. - Alfred Adler Click To Tweet

How to have the lifestyle that you want and truly be happy?

To live the lifestyle that you truly want, you must have the courage to change and to:

  • Accept yourself. Use what you have in your favor, avoid focusing on short comings but change how you use what you have.
  • Change your goals.
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others.
  • Avoid competing with others.
  • Avoid trying to be right (all the time).
  • Stop looking to satisfy other people.
  • Stop looking to be recognized by other people.
  • Avoid living up to other people’s expectation of yourself.
  • Create clear boundaries so you do not live for no one else.
  • Separate your life tasks from others and do not intervene in theirs in order to resolve interpersonal relationship problems.
  • Face your life tasks head on and on your own two feet.
  • Make your own decisions.
  • Be unafraid to be disliked by other people.
  • Avoid praising, disparaging or judging people.
  • Rely on a broader sense of community than the one in your immediate vicinity.
  • Bring value to someone else.

Review

The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga provides an overview into Adler’s psychology and shares a very interesting yet direct/pragmatic approach to life and a simplistic view of the world.

The Courage To Be Disliked is constructed as a conversation, based on mutual respect of the views and opinions of each other, between a youth and a philosopher on the basis Socrate’s dialogue with his disciples.

A witty dialogue on happiness, equality, freedom and interpersonal relationships is held between a Youth and a Philosopher for 5 nights. The youth would represent society or the reader discovering Adler’s concepts and the philosopher would stand outside and has an objective view of society.

In fact, it is a healthy debate between a person who happens to be young and who notices the apparent contradictions of the world and a philosopher who believes that the world is not as complicated as it seems.

Throughout this book, we can see the Youth going through different emotions and stages, the Philosopher remaining equal to himself and their friendship ultimately blossoming.

The Courage To Be Disliked is a book that have been “dying” to read for more than 2 years now and wish I read sooner. The knowledge shared can be found in basically every self-help book on the market right now.

It invites for introspection and is brutally honest when it comes to demonstrating how people make life hard for each other, how people deal with feelings of inferiority and superiority or to explaining how people regularly justify themselves.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

If the past determined everything and couldn’t be changed, we who are living today would no longer be able to take effective steps forward in our lives.

To quote Adler again: “The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment.” You want to be Y or someone else because you are utterly focused on what you were born with. Instead, you’ve got to focus on what you can make of your equipment.

Without question, there is no shortage of behavior that is evil. But no one, not even the most hardened criminal, becomes involved in crime purely out of a desire to engage in evil acts. Every criminal has an internal justification for getting involved in crime. A dispute over money leads someone to engage in murder, for instance. To the perpetrator, it is something for which there is a justification and which can be restated as an accomplishment of “good.” Of course, this is not good in a moral sense, but good in the sense of being “of benefit to oneself.”

[…]you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.

When you enter into interpersonal relationships, it is inevitable that to a greater or lesser extent you will get hurt, and you will hurt someone, too. Adler says, “To get rid of one’s problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone.”

Oh, but being alone isn’t what makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is having other people and society and community around you, and having a deep sense of being excluded from them. To feel lonely, we need other people. That is to say, it is only in social contexts that a person becomes an “individual.”

But those who make themselves look bigger on borrowed power are essentially living according to other people’s value systems—they are living other people’s lives.

The pursuit of superiority is the mind-set of taking a single step forward on one’s own feet, not the mind-set of competition of the sort that necessitates aiming to be greater than other people.

It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone. And, of course, there is no need to compare oneself with others.

Everyone is different. Don’t mix up that difference with good and bad, and superior and inferior. Whatever differences we may have, we are all equal. […] Human beings are all equal, but not the same.

Anger as an expression of a personal grudge is nothing but a tool for making others submit to you.

If someone were to abuse me to my face, I would think about the person’s hidden goal. Even if you are not directly abusive, when you feel genuinely angry due to another person’s words or behavior, please consider that the person is challenging you to a power struggle.

To prevent this from happening, when one is challenged to a power struggle, one must never allow oneself to be taken in.

Wherever we go, we are surrounded by other people, and we are social individuals, who exist in our relations to other people. No matter what we do, we cannot escape the strong rope of our interpersonal relationships.

“freedom is being disliked by other people.” [..] It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.

The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. When you have gained that courage, your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.

When one person praises another, the goal is “to manipulate someone who has less ability than you.” It is not done out of gratitude or respect.

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Author

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga

 

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