We don’t connect with others, we seclude ourselves for self-protection and stay within the social circles we are comfortable with.
Yet we remain unsatisfied with our lives and wonder whether or not life is supposed to be this way.
Yet we wonder how to find our community, our people, the ones who will fight for us and who are worth fighting for.
What is a Community?
Community is more then friendships.
Community is a way of life and is essential to living a fulfilled life.
In addition, the sense of community is based on the truths that people are the best and most painful part of our lives.
Your Community is made of non toxic people who see you, know you and who are willing to be seen and known by you.
Principles for Community
Community is necessay.
Needing other people is not a weakness but a strength.
There are 5 principles to building a healthy Community.
1. Proximity
The principle of Proximity relates to a need for intimacy and physical closeness.
To create Proximity, you can start noticing people in your vecinity and initiating the friendship even if you get frustrated.
2. Transparency
Closeness leads to Transparency.
However, you will only be as close as you are transparent and vulnerable.
3. Accountability
When we are left alone, we tend to become the worst versions of ourselves.
That is why Community has the potential to make us better and keep us accountable.
Indeed, Community makes us more effective, challenges us to aim higher, sharpens the mind and speaks truth.
4. Shared purpose
Most communities are built around a bigger and common mission.
Communities give the opportunity to do something meaningful and exciting.
5. Consistency
Communities provides healthy and consistent relationships.
Usually, people aren’t because they don’t want to deal with conflicts.
Nevertheless, conflicts are an inherent part of life.
That is why the people from your Community have to be consistent, choose to stay and be willing to be inconvenienced by your relationship.
To stay consistent, one must:
Assume the best because so many offenses are misunderstandings.
Seek peace and address a problem directly before it grows.
Be quick to apologize and make amends.
Review
Find Your People by Jennie Allen is a faith-based self-help book about building deep community.
Find Your People is destined mostly for extroverts, for people who are hardwired for relationships, for people who are afraid of being alone and of being lonely.
It is also written for those who hope to make deep connection and build an authentic community.
Allen uses her own life experiences and as an example of moving from a space of lack and fear to one of finding the right community.
Indeed, Allen transforms her initial neediness for relationship into a personal strength.
Furthermore, she demonstrates through biblical references that Deep Community is a social necessity and a path to greater success, hope and faith.
It seems like building and keeping that Community requires hardwork but is worth it.
Finally, Allen stressed that there are no perfect people but only the right people for you.
So, go out there and find your people!
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Favorite quote(s)
But community is bigger than two or three friends. Community should be the way we live.
We live guarded because we fear someone will use our weakness against us.
No one can be your everything, but everyone has something to say, something to teach you, and something to bring to your life.
Conflict isn’t the enemy to our friendships; conflict is fodder to make them grow. Conflict is inevitable in the kind of deep community we are talking about here.
If we’re going to deal with an offense, it needs to be a real offense. This is my rule on when to address something: don’t react too quickly. So many hurts are just misunderstandings.
Your Best Self is unique, positive, evolved and aligned with your truth.
When you are being your best self, you are being your most authentic and at your core.
1. How to connect with your Best Self?
Connecting with your Best Self takes time and requires patience. To get in touch with your Best Self:
Express gratitude frequently to get out of a negative space. Make a gratitude list of everything that puts you in a good mood or elevates you in any kind of way.
Embrace change. Everybody can change if they want to, they just have to apply the right motivations.
Identify your fears. Once you have identified your fears, put them to the test to see if your assumptions are true, if they are rational, if they help you succeed, or if they serve your best interests.
Recognize any signs of egotistical behavior. Once you have acknowledge your behavior, assess the origins of it and get your ego in check.
2. Assessing your Best Self
“SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life”.
The SPHERES tool, create by Mike Bayer, is a screening tool used to assess your Best Self in all areas of your life.
Your social life
In the SPHERES tool, your social situation determines how well you project your Best Self to the world.
It then becomes imperative to analyze how you interact with people. You can also assess your ability to send clear messages, to listen to others, to embrace human emotions, to handle highly charged situations, to give and receive feedback.
Your personal life
Your personal life contains your self-image, your self-talk, the level of compassion and respect you have for yourself.
To create the personal life that you want, you will have to:
Rewire your brain to think positively by challenging your internal dialogue.
Get familiar with what you are constantly telling yourself.
Identify the messages you tell yourself when you are under pressure.
Log your thoughts and your self-talk, identify the common themes and tones.
Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels before they snowball. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely be able to take care of others.
Connect with your passions. Your passions will vary throughout your life. Your passions will allow you to express yourself, to strengthen your bond with your Best Self and vibrate at a higher frequency. To find your passions, explore new things, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone.
Your health
Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be present, keep a clear mind and achieve your Best Self.
Your education
Remaining in a “lifetime learning mode” will help you evolve into your Best Self and become more self-aware.
Once you find your passions, you will take pleasure in acquiring knowledge in that field.
Your Best Self will gauge who you want to be around, judge the health of a relationship and help you make the tough decisions.
In order to stay connected to your Best Self in all relationships, you must define your core values, exercise them and identify the people who live up to them.
Your employment
We spend most of our days at work.
So, when we are not able to fully be ourselves, our work life tends to become draining.
It somehow becomes important to nurture our Best Selves at work or create a career path that allows us to maximize our potential at work.
Review
In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer encourages people to be their Best Self.
In addition, Mike Bayer shares tips and tools to help you achieve your Best Self. He helps you make a diagnostic of all the aspects of your life and provides practical solutions to your problems.
Furthermore, Best Self: Be You, Only Better is a workbook that teaches you how to fix what’s inside to fix outside. It is on point when it comes to assessing people’s behavior and can conveniently be revisited several time in your life.
Best Self: Be You, Only Better is ideal for leaders who want to improve their leadership skills and bring their best selves at work. It becomes clear that if you are your best self, you can create the best teams, take care of others and create the best organization.
With this workbook:
Get in touch with your Best Self.
Reach your highest potential.
Find more balance in your life.
Evolve, change, reinvent yourself and improve your life.
Many of society’s “rules” simply don’t apply to us as individuals, and if we spend all our energy on trying to be, do, say, and act like society wants us to, we are simply wasting time we could be spending on discovering and connecting with our Best Self.
Self-care is foundational to living your ideal life.
Give people the opportunity to make decisions for themselves and to correct themselves.
Don’t hurt people’s self-esteem and don’t diminish them in their own eyes
Review
How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie aims to educate adults into building healthy relationships and climbing up the social ladder.
Dale Carnegie shares contemporaneous and pragmatic principles that serve as guidelines for leaders who wish to network and grow their social capital.
Most of these principles are essential to life as much as the business world and will increase your skill in human relationship.
However, Dale Carnegie promotes the praising or “sucking up” game and uses the term “friend” very loosely.
That is because most of the principles are geared towards the business world and most of his examples are taken from people who have successfully implemented these principles.
Unfortunately, praises don’t work on everybody and is not a solution to all problems.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Favorite quote(s)
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for.
Provide an environment where people can work out, eat healthy and relax.
Don’t give people more work load than they can carry.
2. Be a positive leader
If your team sees you having fun at work, they will most likely start to have fun as well. If you are a positive leader, they will most likely start being positive.
Positive leaders are optimistic, promote trust and transparency, encourage change, creativity and innovation.
They build quality relationships with the people they work with, regardless of their personalities.
Furthermore, positive leaders are sensitive to all cultures and ethnical backgrounds. They understand that diversity makes their strength.
In the long run, positive leaders acquire a positive reputation. Gaining a positive reputation increases the value of a company, improves employee loyalty and job satisfaction.
3. Empower your team
Empowering your team is all about giving them the resources they need to succeed. To empower your team:
Identify what motivates them and place them in the area of their strengths.
Provide additional training for those who lack confidence and competencies.
Allow your team to take breaks throughout the day to recharge their batteries, to relax and to think.
Give people their dues. Acknowledge when someone is doing good by privately or publicly complementing them. Also, be honest when an employee is underperforming.
Treat your employees with fairness and respect. Don’t play favorites or openly disregard someone just so you could feel better about yourself.
Support your team throughout difficult situations. When an issue arises, be compassionate and be a problem solver. For example, if someone on your team perpetually misses a deadline, find out why they are underperforming.
4. Encourage positive behaviors
In the workplace, negativity often upstages positivity. Leaders must take on the responsibility to bring positive behaviors in the forefront. To do so:
Reward those with an exemplary behavior.
Incorporate a code of conduct and policies that promote positive behaviors.
Call out bad behaviors or behaviors that don’t meet your standards.
Celebrate success as soon as it happens. This suggestion seems obvious. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate success? I once worked for a company whose higher ups would bully anyone who seemed confident, content with themselves.
Don’t condone workplace bullying.
Don’t shut down people who are expressing joy or who are celebrating success.
5. Hone your communication skills
Leaders who want to build a positive and healthy workplace must effectively and regularly communicate with their team so they can clearly reach their goals and achieve their vision.
Leaders with a positive work environment share their visions with their team, make sure that every employee connect and align with the vision.
Then, they encourage positive discussions, debates and brainstorming. They all people to say what is on their mind or to challenge the status quo without fear of retribution.
6. Help your employees grow into leaders
When it comes to healthy workplaces, there is no such thing as competing with your employees. If you help your employees grow, you will grow too.
7. Hire the right people for the right job
During the hiring process, it is critical to respect people, identify and hire the people who will fit into the company culture and who will add value to the company culture.
Last Words Of Advice!
If your team doesn’t see you taking continuous action and investing in their well-being, they will not implement your vision or strategies.
Commit to making your workplace a healthy environment!
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
Being a boss is a full-time job and is not as easy as it seems.
The truth is, being the boss can be an emotional rollercoaster.
It requires maturity, focus and emotional discipline, especially when dealing with people.
That is why Kim Scott has established a few principles that can help bosses create a culture of candor, build stable relationships and evolve into great bosses.
According to Kim Scott, managers, leaders or bosses:
Achieve results.
Deal with people.
Express what they think.
Build and guide cohesive teams.
Accept and give fair and candid feedback.
As you can see, Kim Scott makes no distinction between a boss, a leader and a manager because eventually, they have to assume different roles and master different skills at different moments.
They all have to find out a way to get what they want by saying what they mean.
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean
Why and how to build relationships?
The relationships you have with your team determine your level of success, company culture, and performance.
To build great relationships that will help your business:
Take care of yourself first.
Stay centered and create a healthy work life balance.
Find out what works best for you and apply it.
Care personally about people.
Respect boundaries and people physical space. It is detrimental to find a balance between creating personal yet professional bonds.
Spend time alone with your team members.
Stay true to your values and share them if possible.
Be transparent and aware of your emotions.
Discipline your reactions. Learn to respond and not react.
Why and how to build a great team?
People’s motivations are personal.
Every team member can be exceptional, they just have to find the right fit and the right motivations.
Needless to say, work life is better when your team loves what they do.
To build a great team:
Get to know the people on your team. Focus more on them than on results.
Understand people’s strength and weaknesses, identify how they tick and how their job fits into their life plan.
Avoid micromanaging or ignoring your team members.
Allocate as much time to those who are struggling as the top performers.
Listen to your team members, learn to incorporate their thinking into yours, and give them the opportunity to complain, share ideas, and raise issues. This way, you will create a culture of innovation.
Why and how to accept/give feedback?
Feedback is an uncomfortable process. To accept and give proper feedback:
Earn your team’s trust.
Listen more than you speak.
Understand what motivates your team and help them avoid burnout or boredom.
Understand your audience and adapt to it.
See feedback as an act of guidance and don’t make it personal.
Solicit feedback especially in private conversations and outside of meetings.
Voice your own disagreements. Speak up when things are not going well.
Take responsibility fo your actions and admit when you have made a mistake
Discern the truth from a lie when it comes to feedback.
Be humble in your delivery and state that you want to help.
Why and how to achieve results?
Every boss wants results. To achieve results:
Have frequent one on one conversation with your team and with a positive mindset. Have a one on one conversation with your team members to get to know them, to solve problems effectively and to help you understand what is working and what is not.
Create key metrics to measure progress. Write down any possible updates.
Create meetings where you can debate, encourage new ideas and make big decisions.
Test out the feasibility of the ideas you have received.
Review
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean By Kim Scott is a step by step guide on how to be a candid boss.
It is about building candid relationships with the people you work with and about using your humanity as a leadership tool.
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean By Kim Scott essentially takes the pressure off leaders.
The principles shared expose candor as a management tool, put bosses at ease and help them understand that there is more to being a boss than giving orders.
In addition, the principles shared remove fear, self-doubt and anxiety, then create an understanding regarding the role of a boss.
Furthermore, Kim Scott uses her own experiences at Google and Adsense to drive the conversation and to illustrate her ideas about radical candor.
She provides amazing tools and techniques to implement in order to be a great boss and to have a healthy relationship with your direct reports.
Her tools and techniques are detailed and are not exclusive to bosses.
Finally, the best thing about this book is that you can tell that Kim Scott cares about the career advancement and the emotional health of every boss.
Through radical candor, she demonstrates how to improve all aspects of your work life.
You don’t have to implement every tool or technique right away.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Favorite quote(s)
In order to build a great team, you need to understand how each person’s job fits into their life goals
The way you treat people determines whether you’ll get their best effort, a perfunctory effort, or an effort to sabotage you.
When you are a leader, people will be watching your every moves like a hawk.
So, there are a couple of things to do and not to do in order to be unimpeachable and to represent your true self well.
Sometimes, the novelty of the job, the number of people you meet, the quantity of information transiting in your direction, the new type of pressure tend to make you forget your role as a leader.
The truth is that you do during your first few days as a leader will mark memories in the long run.
Take a moment to drain it all in and celebrate success. When you access a new position, you are either frightened or excited.
Take some time to assess your new role and the advancement in your career, on your success.
Get your personal life together. Have hobbies and a strong support system in place.
Prepare your transition to your new position.
#2. Mind your character
When you meet someone for the first time, they will have a tendency to test you, your principles, character, core values and boundaries.
For example, from your boss to the cleaning lady, they will all check if you get angry easily or his much patience you have.
It is important to always be developing yourself as a leader.
#3. Check your attitude
A positive attitude is everything and will determine your heights to success. During the first few months, it is detrimental to:
Stay visible.
Adopt a winning strategy.
Be aware of your actions. You are now a role model.
Keep a positive attitude and body language, even when you don’t feel like it.
#4. Be approachable
Sometimes, it’s important to seem approachable:
Introduce yourself to people even if you don’t know them or are not introduced. Don’t wait too long before introducing yourself or else it will quickly get awkward.
Remember names when you are being introduced.
Try to get along with people for the first few days.
Help others find their motivation.
#5. Groom yourself and dress like a leader
No matter what people say, first impressions matter unfortunately. Dressing like a leader will help you feel confident and will in consequence increase your ability to lead.
Even though you know that clothes don’t define your character, most people make snap judgments.
Also, observe the company’s dress code and dress accordingly.
#6. Keep learning
Learning is a humbling process. Even though new leaders think that they can handle their position with their old skills and their old knowledge, most of them don’t have the necessary skills to be a leader.
Make sure that you study and learn the corporate culture.
Evaluate what you have learned from your previous jobs and from the previous one in your position.
Ask questions even if they make you look or feel incompetent.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to perform.
Don’t stop learning. Not because you have reached a leadership position that you have to stop learning and stop asking questions.
You do not want to reach these heights and find out that the positions is not made for you, that you are not capable of achieving success, job fulfillment, job satisfaction.
Understand that different skills will be demanded in your new role. What got you here won’t get you there.
Make sure that you really want this position and that it’s right for you.
Get a hold on your purpose. You will know if you are walking in your purpose by the amount of joy you experience while executing your purpose.
#10. Earn your respect
In your first few months:
Do not try to be liked but to be respected. This is an advice for mostly women who have to annoyingly smile and forcefully be polite.
Don’t be too quick to use your new authority or power.
Start taking responsibility for your actions.
Share your core values and set high expectations for performance, results, conduct, alignment and engagement.
Give respect. Find out where your role starts and ends. There is no need to step on anybody’s toes.
Last Words Of Advice!
The first months are the right time to set right habits.
Don’t stop growing and expect discomfort.
Remember that you are the one who makes the decision.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
Have you ever noticed that no matter how much you are successful, how much you wish to be happy or to have peace of mind, life has a way of placing you in the same stressful situations?
That is because, until you have learnt to deal with these stressful situations, they will keep showing up.
For example, if you try to avoid someone who stresses you out, you will constantly run into that same person until you deal with your feelings about that person.
It is therefore important to learn how to cope with these situations and find the right methods to address your stress.
Wondering how to cope and effectively fight workplace stress?
Why are leaders stressed in the workplace?
Stress is inherently part of life and stressed leaders have seemed to become the norm. Leaders are mostly stressed at work due to:
Stress has a direct impact on the corporate culture, on the leader’s leadership style, performance, and health.
People express stress differently: some people get angry, some get exhausted and withdrawn, and others go into fight or flight mode.
11 Best Strategies For Leaders To Fight Workplace Stress
There are several ways to remain calm under pressure, manage your stress and use it to your advantage.
#1. Be more self-aware & develop your emotional discipline
It becomes critical to always take a step back from a situation, seek deeper insights in your thoughts and behaviors to identify stress triggers, weigh out the outcomes of the situation. How important is this situation for you?
Be aware of the first physical symptoms of stress. Observe how your body responds to stress. During stressful times, some people are tense, can’t sleep, can’t eat.
Control your emotional reaction to the situation.
Write down the things that bother you.
Put a name to your emotions.
#2. Change your mindset
Your mind has everything to do with your behavior. To change your mindset:
See stress as a motivation.
Influence your brain to accurately interpret a high pressured situation.We have a tendency to distort situations through our lenses and either make them grander than they are.
Assume strictly positive outcomes of the stressful situationand speak positivity into reality.
Be open to new opportunities and new experiences.
Stay calm and positive. Positive attitudes can become difficult to maintain in challenging situations in the workplace. But once acquired, it is a habit that can help you overcome bad situations.
No matter how hard it gets, you are still breathing. This means that you have one more day to change your situation and to create a better life.
To dispel stress:
Be grateful for your day to day.
Make a gratitude list to remind yourself of what you are thankful for.
Appreciate where you are in life, even where it’s not where you want to be.
#4. Prioritize & stick to the essentials
When deadlines are set and cannot be moved, when we are late we tend to stress out.
Prioritizing is all about honing your decisions making and time management skills in order to achieve more. To do so:
Understand that it’s OK to miss out on things.
Learn how to say no and to set boundaries.
Learn to prioritize. When you have your priorities in check, you are able to know what is essential, what you are able to handle in your work day and who you are able to see.
Your professional and your personal lives are tightly intertwined. Creating work-life balance is not giving equal attention to both work and life.
However, it means that you are satisfied with your contributions to your life and work, that you are able to create a sustainable synergy between both so that you are fueled by them on a daily basis.
To create a better work-life balance:
Don’t stay too long at work.
Don’t take your stress at home.
Take long drives before getting home.
Spend more time with family and friends.
Figure out if you can work from home.
Create a morning routine to kick off your day on the right foot.
Align your daily activities in life and work with your values, principles.
#6. Learn how to delegate
Most leaders want to control people, do everything themselves, be on top of everything all at once and find it hard to delegate.
However, to remove stress due to work overload, it is important to learn how to delegate and automate some of your activities.
Delegating will allow you to take all the load off your shoulders. To delegate:
Demonstrate confidence in yourself and in your team.
Select experts in their field, clarify their roles, give them the authority to do their jobs, allow them to fail and to grow.
Create clear progress measurement tools and milestones.
Avoid micromanaging people but measure their advancement.
#7. Learn to communicate
Great communication skills will improve your leadership credibility, your self-confidence, your relationships with others, your feelings of belonging and will decrease your stress level.
They will also drive change and increase team motivation.
To decrease your stress level:
Learn to effectively communicate your grievances.
Remember that everyone is different and won’t communicate the way you do.
#8. Emotionally detach yourself from your job.
Obsessing about work is problematic and unhealthy. Most of the time, being emotionally attached leads to being sensitive to feedback and to being unable to see the bigger picture.
Unfortunately, most people who succeed are those who put in work and yet are detached from their work.
#9. Filter out your entourage
Leaders and employees have to make quick decisions while getting along with everyone, in multicultural contexts, with people from various backgrounds.
So, if your relationships brings you more stress than necessary:
Surround yourself with people you can trust. Build real connections and learn to discern the authentic relationships by observing their actions.
Confide in your mentor and ask for advice.
If you can, get rid of toxic coworkers or relationships.
Isolate yourself if needed. Sometimes, it is good to remove yourself from society, to contemplate solitude in order to enjoy yourself, your thoughts.
If you are unable to avoid negative interactions, isolate the information that you need from the interaction. Write down that information and do not rely on memory or distorted thoughts.
Do not compete with people and stay focused on your job.
#10. Exercise and take regular breaks
Exercise and regular breaks will allow you to break your routine and mindless actions.
Plan your breaks.
Take time off to disconnect and enjoy your holidays.
Listen more than you speak to give your brain a break.
Make sure that your habits and exercise routine fit your lifestyle.
Do activities that you enjoy in the middle of the work day and on weekends.
Unplug from the internet and from your phone on your breaks and on the weekends.
#11. Let go & let God
At some point in life, you must:
Understand that you cannot control everything.
Control the controllable factors (like your reactions to the situation) and release what you cannot control. Worrying about people or events beyond your control is a waste of energy.
Know that your situation is temporary and that you will come through the other side. Meanwhile, be kind to somebody and help someone.
Last Words Of Advice!
Remember that, as a leader, people are closely monitoring your behavior.
They will be looking to you for inspiration and for a sense of calm in challenging situations.
Finally, make sure that your passion for your job outweigh your level of stress on the job. If it doesn’t, then it’s time to quit.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
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