Jen Sincero wrote You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life at a time when she needed help, wanted to change and to find a deeper purpose.
In her book, Jen Sincero shares a few concepts that will help you become a bad*ss. Which means, you will be able to:
- Believe in your vision and manifest it.
- Overcome your fears.
- Be comfortable with your failures and not feel guilty about your current situation. You will come to the realization that you can do more with your life, that you are capable to do better, that you don’t have to wait for failure or for the perfect situation to get started.
- Takes risks, live large and understand that you have nothing to lose.
- Love and forgive yourself.
The Mind Games You Play With Yourself
Parents, from the day you were born, pass down their beliefs to their children.
The truth is our subconscious mind, filled with beliefs from our childhood, rules our lives.
Unfortunately, those beliefs are limiting and false. However, we don’t know better when we are younger.
Besides, our conscious mind actively jump from one random thought to another, is not in full control of our lives. In fact, our subconscious mind and our conscious mind are constantly in conflict but the subconscious mind always win. To solve that conflict:
- Become more aware of your subconscious beliefs.
- Identify what is blocking you from the life you want to live.
- Invite new positive beliefs into your life.
The Bad*Ass Concept For Purpose & Goal-Setting
Jen Sincero encourages us to believe that there are greater things out there, to get a deeper understanding of your spirituality, to set your goals, to activate the law of attraction and manifest what you want in life.
- Believe what you want and it will come through.
- Ask for what you want, act as if you have already received what you have asked for.
- Keep your thoughts on your goals.
- Manage your time appropriately. Get organized and stay organized.
- Create a vision board.
- Surround yourself with people who will help you become the person you aspire to be and who share your mentality.
How To Become A Bad*ss?
One moment we think we’re feeling fantastic, other times we are feeling real insecure. One must come to conclusion, see themselves the way they want to be, and look at themselves through the eyes of someone you admire.
Discovering your “bad*ssery” is all about finding out who you really are and living our best life. We must get in touch with our inner self, the person we were when we were born and love that person. To become a bad*ass:
- Identify and appreciate your gifts and talents. Everyone is unique and has unique gifts.
- Share your talents and gifts with the world.
- Rewire your brain with positive affirmations and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. At some point, you must choose to let go of wrong beliefs and of decisions that hold you back. To identify your fears and negative thoughts, when you are working, observe the type of thoughts when you suddenly stop, when you get discouraged.
- Do activities that you enjoy.
- Try new activities and get out your comfort zone.
- Avoid self-deprecating humor and practice self-love.
- Avoid comparing yourself to others. Watching someone go after their dream, after what they truly want can make others uncomfortable and trigger insecurities.
- Forgive yourself for past and future mistakes. You must forgive yourself before you end up hurting yourself.
- Stay in the present. Take example on animals and babies that are not concerned about the past or the future.
- Don’t worry about what people think of you.
- Be responsible for what you say or do.
- Give more than you take.
- Learn to be grateful for what you have and what has not yet manifested itself because gratitude trumps fear.
- Trust your gut. Do what feels right and what interest you in the moment instead of thinking.
- Always do your best. Your best doesn’t have to perfect.
You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life by Jen Sincero is an entertaining, motivational and thoughtful book that encourages you to live your best life and provides a guide map to do so.
You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life is written for people who are looking to do better, be better and focus on the essentials. It is written for people who refuse to self-loathe, want to change and who want to manifest their purpose.
Furthermore, Jen Sincero makes some great points, is blunt in her delivery yet has an efficient message. She shares relatable topics such as love, purpose, relationship with money, career advancement and what you are willing to do to get ahead.
Matter of fact, her message is all common sense. However, most people are unaware of these principles, forget about them, and forget that what they need is already inside of them.
Jen Sincero keeps it real and positive throughout her book. She places great quotes at the beginning of every chapter and ends every chapter with a call to action to love yourself.
You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life resembles the principles of The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz in every way.
What this book has to do with being a leader, you ask?
This book is detrimental to leadership and clarifying your principles and core values. Leadership is all about discovering your purpose, the power of your conviction, controlling your subconscious mind, appreciating your strengths and weaknesses.
Let us know what you think about this book!
If you want to live a life you’ve never lived, you have to do things you’ve never done.
We would be wise to take more of our cues from the beasts and babies.
It’s not that the things and opportunities that we want in life don’t exist yet.
It’s that we’re not yet aware of their existence (or the fact that we can really have them).
You are a badass. You were one when you came screaming onto this planet and you are one now. The Universe wouldn’t have bothered with you otherwise. You can’t screw up so majorly that your badassery disappears. It is who you are. It’s who you always will be. It’s not up for negotiation.
We’re born knowing how to trust our instincts, how to breathe deeply, how to eat only when we’re hungry, how to not care about what anyone thinks of our singing voices, dance moves, or hairdos, we know how to play, create, and love without holding back. Then, as we grow and learn from the people around us, we replace many of these primal understandings with negative false beliefs, fear, shame, and self-doubt.
What you choose to focus on becomes your reality.
Jen Sincero is a success coach and speaker. Jen Sincero is also the #1 New York Times bestselling author of You Are A Bad*ss: How To Stop Doubting Your Greatness And Start Living An Awesome Life.
The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins is a self-help book, urging people to take action by using a 5 second countdown trick.
What is The 5 Second Rule?
The 5 Second Rule is a “metacognition technique” that improves your sense of self, your life, career, health.
The principle of The 5 Second Rule is the following:
“The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.” At 1, you should be moving.
Where does The 5 Second Rule come from?
The principle of The 5 Second Rule comes from the combination of two thoughts:
- Mel Robbins, while feeling she failed at life, realized that she would take only 5 seconds to talk herself out of waking up in the morning, out of improving and doing the right thing.
- One night, while watching TV, Mel Robbins also made the observation that a rocket launches after a 5 second countdown. Afterwards, she would launch herself out of bed, the same way the rocket would launch into space.
What are the benefits of The 5 Second Rule?
The 5 Second Rule is an empowering thought process. Through this principle, you are able to experience freedom and quiet your mind.
The 5 Second Rule enables you to trust your instincts, to take back control of your life, to make the right decisions.
Among its various applications, you will have the ability to improve your health, focus on the essentials, increase your productivity, break procrastination, avoid distractions, be authentic, replace your bad habits with good ones, get up early and start your routine early in the morning.
The 5 Second Rule is a tool that drives courage in difficult times and builds “Real Confidence”. It pushes you to act and to change.
What about courage?
According to Mel Robbins, when trying to change, when facing something that is uncertain, unknown, that scares you or makes you hesitate, your brain feels like something is wrong.
Your mind will then stop the change process and trap you with your own thoughts.
Courage, your birthright, is therefore required to push you forward and to implement change.
The 5 Second Rule will give you the courage you need to go after what you really want, to have a more fulfilling life and to not give in to your fears.
In addition, it is detrimental for you to stop making excuses for not acting on your instincts. Your excuses are always wrong and there is no right time.
No external factor will validate your choices and your ideas. Only putting yourself out there and getting out your comfort zone will.
What about confidence?
Confidence is a skill which means it is a learnt behavior. In fact, your confidence has nothing to do with your personality and will increase every time you step out of your comfort zone.
Your everyday courage will help you assess your own worth, build up your confidence, connect with yourself, find your true passion, build meaningful relationships, and meet new people.
Your everyday courage gives you the confidence to explore and makes you realize that the power you need was inside of you all along.
In appearance, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins, looks like a time management book that provides quick short-term fixes.
However, in reality, The 5 Second Rule is a transformational tool, delivering long-term results.
It is written for people who are plagued by fear, who want to change and take charge of their lives but don’t know how to. Change is difficult because it requires courage and confidence.
Furthermore, The 5 Second Rule can be customized to your liking. It enables you to:
- Work on your confidence and your courage.
- Stop overthinking, worrying and magnifying problems.
- Trust your guts and honor your instincts.
- Stop hesitating and holding yourself back.
- Become more present and acquire patience.
- Start performing and to become more goal-oriented.
- Control your emotions, fight mental illnesses and bad mental habits.
- Take ownership of your life and start the transformation process.
The 5 Second Rule is a principle that we already intuitively and intrinsically know. But, after years of research, Mel Robbins coherently put these ideas together.
Mel Robbins also shares poignant quotes, real examples and testimonials of people who have used The 5 Second Rule for diverse reasons.
The 5 Second Rule is life changing, encouraging, motivational and inspirational. It shows you how to change for the better.
That’s what you are doing when you use the Rule. You are honoring yourself. You are championing your ideas. And each time you use it, you take one step closer to being the person you are truly meant to be.
Doing the work to improve your life is simple, you can do it, and it’s work you want to do—because it’s the most important work that there is. It is the work of learning how to love and trust yourself enough to stop waiting and to start leaning into all the magic, opportunity, and joy that your life, work, and relationships have to offer.
When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.
The difference between people who make their dreams come true and those of us who don’t is just one thing: the courage to start and the discipline to keep going.
Mel Robbins is a motivational and keynote speaker. Mel Robbins is also the author of The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gathers four “agreements” to live by to ensure a better lifestyle, a deeper understanding of life, a life in the moment.
What is an agreement?
The four agreements come from the Toltec teachings of wisdom. The goal of this book is to make each agreement a habit.
An agreement is:
- a programming of the mind.
- a language, a code that helps us understand each other.
- a belief system that has domesticated us.
It represents the rules that we abide to, that we pass down from generation to generation.
unfortunately, we have not chosen the agreements that we have concluded. Most of the time, they have been chosen for us and existed longer than we have.
The First Agreement
The first agreement is to be “impeccable with your words“. This means that you must be careful of not using words against yourself and others.
Indeed, there is power in the words that you use. Matter of fact, it is the most powerful tool at your disposition.
You can use your words to create beauty or to wreak havoc.
“What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word”.
Purpose of the agreement
Being “impeccable with your words” helps you suppress any toxicity from your mind, free your mind from fear and doubt, and filter out negativity.
Implementing the agreement
Furthermore, words grow and take root in your mind if we are not careful. So:
- Be true to yourself.
- Be careful of the words that you use on yourself.
- Do not speak against yourself.
- Avoid gossiping and don’t believe gossip.
- Accept and love yourself so you can demonstrate love and acceptance toward others.
The Second Agreement
The second agreement is to not “take anything personally”.
Often times, people are preoccupied with their own beliefs, feelings and opinions about themselves that they take out on others.
Even if they insult you directly, it is wise not to take their insult personally.
Purpose of the agreement
This agreement is necessary to avoid burdening yourself with people’s problem, setting “yourself up to suffer for nothing”.
Acquiring this habit will help you free yourself, keep your heart open, see people for who they really are, and be unaffected by fear.
Implementing the agreement
- All opinions about you are not necessarily true.
- Opinions about you depends on the person and on their moods.
- We can choose what to believe and what to agree with.
- You must trust yourself and don’t need to trust anyone else.
The Third Agreement
The third agreement consists in not making assumptions.
Undeniably, assumptions are not the truth and breeds problems.
Purpose of the agreement
The third agreement will help you build better relationships and increase your communication skills.
Implementing the agreement
To properly implement this agreement:
- Ask for clarifications rather than making assumptions.
- Remember that it is OK to ask questions.
- Collect the right data about people and situations first.
- Don’t assume that people can read your mind.
- Ask for what you want, expect yes or no. Understand that you can say yes or no as well.
The Fourth Agreement
This fourth agreement encourages you to always “do you best“. It consolidates all previous three agreements.
Purpose of the agreement
Forming the habit of always doing your best will:
- Save you from harsh self-judgement.
- Increase your production.
- Mature your self-love
Implementing the agreement
Keep in mind that:
- Your best will fluctuate all the time. It will depend on your mood, on your energy level, on your health and on your situation.
- you must take action without expecting any rewards. This way, you will be able to enjoy your actions better.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz provides a very powerful perspective on life. It encourages self-transformation, self-awareness, self acceptance, and the understanding of others.
I found out briefly that The Four Agreements, yet short, is thoughtful and goes straight to the point. It calls out society’s hypocrisy, fear and domestication.
Everyone I know who have read this book has felt elevated. It was therefore hard to resist reading it and I have to say that I did not regret it.
As you read, you will find that you already had the knowledge and the wisdom within you but have been holding it back. You will learn to trust yourself and set yourself free.
The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.
Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally.
Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.
All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.
Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are.
Don Miguel Ruiz is a renowned spiritual teacher and internationally bestselling author of the “Toltec Wisdom Series,” including The Four Agreements, The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, The Four Agreements Companion Book, The Circle of Fire, and The Fifth Agreement.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explains the reasons why we are afraid of being vulnerable, the different ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability, and how to become more vulnerable in our society.
Daring Greatly means being vulnerable, being engaged, being exposed and avoiding being perfect.
A Narcissistic Society
Many researchers have shown that the American culture has turned into a narcissistic influenced culture, a culture of scarcity, a culture where people put themselves first, think that they are special, are always connected to social media, go after money and power, chase beauty and other vanity, compare themselves, are disengaged and concerned with the idea of lacking.
Instead of putting sown narcissistic people and showing them that they are not special, it is better to seek understanding and find the root of the problem.
Being narcissistic stems from a feeling of not being enough and of being ordinary.
Vulnerability & The Feeling Of Not Being Enough
The feeling of not being enough brings about shame and stops us from being vulnerable. Shame is a universal emotion, is corrosive, “keeps us small, resentful and afraid”.
Furthermore, we become disengaged when we are too afraid to be vulnerable, when we are ashamed, when we lack purpose, when a social contract is not met.
It is critical to speak out on your shame, to be self-aware, to know your self-worth, to ask and receive feedback because knowing your worth will help you become more vulnerable.
To eradicate the feeling of shame:
- Identify your shame triggers.
- Observe your self talk.
- Practice authenticity.
- Accept your experiences.
- Share your experience, be vulnerable with someone who genuinely cares about you.
Common Misconceptions About Vulnerability
We are thought not to be vulnerable, not to show our emotions, to look down on those who do. There are several misconceptions when it comes to vulnerability.
Misconception #1: “Vulnerability is weakness”
The reality is vulnerability is not a weakness, is not good or bad. Vulnerable is the origin of all emotions. It therefore becomes important to acknowledge your vulnerability.
Besides, the people who think that they are impenetrable are in fact the most vulnerable.
Misconception #2: “I don’t do vulnerability”
Vulnerability is unavoidable. When we try to avoid it, we often exhibit unusual inconsistent behaviors.
Misconception #3: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out”
You cannot be vulnerable with everyone. It is important to build trust and boundaries before being vulnerable. Otherwise, more times than ever, you will end up getting betrayed and hurt.
Misconception #4: “We can go it alone”
Individualism and going it alone are highly regarded in American culture. In this case, it is essential to construct a support system, to ask for and receive help
Shame As A Management Tool
Most of the time, shame and the blame game are used as management tool, yet is ineffective.
Subsequently, the situations that we face on a daily basis, in the education system, in the workplace, force us to keep our head down and our mouth shut which doesn’t encourage innovation, creativity or the learning process.
Vulnerability & Protective Mechanism
Our protective mechanisms are survival strategies, used to shield our vulnerability. Those shields can go from foreboding joy, to perfectionism to numbing down your emotions.
To avoid shielding vulnerability, it is critical to:
- Practice gratitude.
- Appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
- Confront your emotions.
- Live a more fulfilling life and feed your spirit.
- Focus your time and energy on the essentials.
- Consider how your behavior affect those around you.
Shield #1: Victim mentality
Some people go through life with a victim or perpetrator, win or lose mentally and subsequently fall into one of these categories.
Surprisingly, the people who have been through the most trauma, demonstrate the most resilience. And, people who don’t feel like victims or perpetrators, see themselves as thrivers.
Shield #2: “Floodlighting”
Floodlighting is essentially oversharing and stems from a need for confirmation and validation.
We have to be careful not to share vulnerable stories too soon with people who have not earned the right to hear them. The people on the receiving end often shut down, lack empathy or feel disconnected.
Shield #3: “The smash and grab”
With this shield, some people use vulnerability as a manipulation, sensationalizing tactic that is common in celebrity culture, as an attention seeking tool.
Shield #4: “Serpentining”
Serpentining is a draining and an avoidance behavior. It happens when people are not facing a situation head on for fear of being vulnerable, of not being present.
Shield #5: Mean-spiritedness
In this case, people use criticism, cynicism and mean-spiritedness to protect themselves. They are mean to people who dare demonstrate vulnerability.
Daring Greatly is essential to leadership, parenting, relationships, finding your purpose and your passion.
Through Daring Greatly, Brown has gathered data from people from different walks of life so we can somewhat self diagnose and become more aware of some of our toxic behavior.
Brené Brown makes some pertinent point and writes exactly like she speaks. Furthermore, Brown is very open and authentic, shares her anecdotes, fears and doubt. For example, she is vulnerable with us, mindful of the stories to share, lets us into her conversations with her therapist.
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.
Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all—there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and
hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.
Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark. The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.