Practice taking risks and prepare yourself for rejection. Rejection is not as bad as it seems and usually doesn’t last as long as regret. Regretting a moment or a situation is definitely worse than being rejected.
Avoid spreading your self thin, examine opportunities that come your way, and learn to say no to opportunities that seem too good to be true.
Test your ideas to a wise sounding board that you trust and that can be candid with you.
Be reactive. Be on the lookout for possible breakthroughs or setbacks, and be ready to correct mistakes.
Sometimes, our circumstances don’t match our inner thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. Sometimes, we haven’t figured out who we are yet and we are leaning into other people’s expectations of us.
Sometimes, we believe that our personality will be rejected when it is our character that counts. Other times, we notice that one type of leadership is thriving and don’t believe that we can level up.
So, this is written as a reminder to those who doubt themselves and who are actually meant to be leaders.
Wondering whether or not you are meant to be a leader?
Western society promotes bad leadership in corporate organizations. It seems that “evil leaders” win and appear smarter and more successful than “good leaders”. Though these organizations function well and get results, they become more and more toxic to work in.
These organizations have to subsequently provide trainings and team building exercises to counter the effect of negative leadership.
#1. People naturally gravitate to you and ask you for your advice
Have you been standing in the streets, people come up to you for direction? In the grocery isles, people ask you for products? At work, people ask you for help on their project that you know nothing about?
People ask you for advice everywhere you go. That is because you seem approachable, like you have the answers to their problems and like you will not retain any information.
#2. You have a clear vision and a direction for your future
You have a vision for your future and you have the conviction that your dreams will come through. You dream so big that your dreams seem almost impossible.
Sometimes, you may not know what you are doing but you sure know where you are going.
Also, you may not be able to immediately put your vision into action but you are sure that it’ll come through, you know how to apply yourself, you know how to trust your gut and to put your best foot forward, and you know how to find the people to help you achieve your goals.
The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbinsis a self-help book, urging people to take action by using a 5 second countdown trick.
What is The 5 Second Rule?
The 5 Second Ruleis a “metacognition technique” that improves your sense of self, your life, career, health.
The principle of The 5 Second Rule is the following:
“The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.” At 1, you should be moving.
Where does The 5 Second Rule come from?
The principle of The 5 Second Rule comes from the combination of two thoughts:
Mel Robbins, while feeling she failed at life, realized that she would take only 5 seconds to talk herself out of waking up in the morning, out of improving and doing the right thing.
One night, while watching TV, Mel Robbins also made the observation that a rocket launches after a 5 second countdown. Afterwards, she would launch herself out of bed, the same way the rocket would launch into space.
What are the benefits of The 5 Second Rule?
The 5 Second Rule is an empowering thought process. Through this principle, you are able to experience freedom and quiet your mind.
Among its various applications, you will have the ability to improve your health, focus on the essentials, increase your productivity, break procrastination, avoid distractions, be authentic, replace your bad habits with good ones, get up early and start your routine early in the morning.
The 5 Second Rule is a tool that drives courage in difficult times and builds “Real Confidence”. It pushes you to act and to change.
What about courage?
According to Mel Robbins, when trying to change, when facing something that is uncertain, unknown, that scares you or makes you hesitate, your brain feels like something is wrong.
Your mind will then stop the change process and trap you with your own thoughts.
Courage, your birthright, is therefore required to push you forward and to implement change.
The 5 Second Rule will give you the courage you need to go after what you really want, to have a more fulfilling life and to not give in to your fears.
In addition, it is detrimental for you to stop making excuses for not acting on your instincts. Your excuses are always wrong and there is no right time.
No external factor will validate your choices and your ideas. Only putting yourself out there and getting out your comfort zone will.
What about confidence?
Confidence is a skill which means it is a learnt behavior. In fact, your confidence has nothing to do with your personality and will increase every time you step out of your comfort zone.
Your everyday courage will help you assess your own worth, build up your confidence, connect with yourself, find your true passion, build meaningful relationships, and meet new people.
Your everyday courage gives you the confidence to explore and makes you realize that the power you need was inside of you all along.
In appearance, The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, And Confidence With Everyday Courage by Mel Robbins, looks like a time management book that provides quick short-term fixes.
However, in reality, The 5 Second Rule is a transformational tool, delivering long-term results.
It is written for people who are plagued by fear, who want to change and take charge of their lives but don’t know how to. Change is difficult because it requires courage and confidence.
Furthermore, The 5 Second Rule can be customized to your liking. It enables you to:
Work on your confidence and your courage.
Stop overthinking, worrying and magnifying problems.
Control your emotions, fight mental illnesses and bad mental habits.
Take ownership of your life and start the transformation process.
The 5 Second Rule is a principle that we already intuitively and intrinsically know. But, after years of research, Mel Robbins coherently put these ideas together.
Mel Robbins also shares poignant quotes, real examples and testimonials of people who have used The 5 Second Rule for diverse reasons.
The 5 Second Rule is life changing, encouraging, motivational and inspirational. It shows you how to change for the better.
That’s what you are doing when you use the Rule. You are honoring yourself. You are championing your ideas. And each time you use it, you take one step closer to being the person you are truly meant to be.
Doing the work to improve your life is simple, you can do it, and it’s work you want to do—because it’s the most important work that there is. It is the work of learning how to love and trust yourself enough to stop waiting and to start leaning into all the magic, opportunity, and joy that your life, work, and relationships have to offer.
When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.
The difference between people who make their dreams come true and those of us who don’t is just one thing: the courage to start and the discipline to keep going.
Being a great leader depends on how well they know themselves. Leaders must make sure that they are self-aware, clearly communicate their goals and expectations, reach their goals, set high standards, expect quality work and meet deadlines, demonstrate that all their team members matter, show gratitude, don’t settle and spend time with their team.
Needless to say, a little introspection is required from time to time.
Wondering how do you become the best version of yourself?
Sometimes, we end up in or go after leadership positions but don’t understand why or how we got there.
It is always important to assess our goals, values and purpose every step of the way.
1) What does leadership mean to you?
Leadership encapsulates different concepts and key competencies.
For most, leadership is the ability to wheel power, to influence people positively in order to be successful, to bring like-minded individuals together towards a common goal or vision and to translate that vision into reality.
In order to be effective you must figure out what leadership means to you.
2) Why do you want to be a leader? What is your purpose in life?
Most people want to lead because they see themselves in power, in control, with status and doing whatever they want.
However, leaders are always held accountable for their actions, have to serve as models and have to exhibit exemplary behavior.
Without an ethical purpose in mind, they will not be able to sustain their role very long.
If you weren’t a leader, what would you do? What career would you pursue?
11) Are you self-interested or committed to the collective good?
We choose a certain career because our ever-changing needs and desires align with that particular career but not necessarily with the collective good.
In the leadership position, there is a huge discrepancy between hiring the right person with the right competencies for the job, between hiring someone with lesser competencies to feel unthreatened, between hiring someone to serve you and caress your ego.
There is also a difference between wanting the organization to succeed, wanting the team and the project to shine, and taking all the credit for someone else’s work.
Using those skills, leaders should be pushing a vision for their life, for their family or their organization and it shouldn’t matter whether they have the right relationships, enough money, enough favors, or have hired people with the desired skill set.
24) Are you organized and can you meet deadlines?
Leaders don’t have the luxury to procrastinate because it is similar to self-sabotage. However, they are all subject to it to some extent.
Being organized, methodical, pragmatic will help you gain a sense of satisfaction and will increase your chances of success.
25) Who do you look up to?
It is critical to have a role model who will help you improve, achieve your goals and will show you your life purpose.
Your role model is authentic, relatable and can be a family member, a friend in your entourage or someone you barely know.
26) Can you handle change?
Change is a part of life, is a constant and is inevitable. Change shakes things up, disrupts old habits, breathes new life into the workplace and into any project.
Leaders must visibly act out the change, must be ready to do things differently and to think otherwise.
27) What do you hate the most and will not stand for?
You can’t always find out what you like but life has a funny way of putting you in front of the things that you hate the most.
28) Can you accept criticism from others?
Accepting criticism implies that you are able to listen, accept people point of view and give feedback as well.
29) Are you becoming too complacent?
30) What do you want to improve on?
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explains the reasons why we are afraid of being vulnerable, the different ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability, and how to become more vulnerable in our society.
Daring Greatly means being vulnerable, being engaged, being exposed and avoiding being perfect.
A Narcissistic Society
Many researchers have shown that the American culture has turned into a narcissistic influenced culture, a culture of scarcity, a culture where people put themselves first, think that they are special, are always connected to social media, go after money and power, chase beauty and other vanity, compare themselves, are disengaged and concerned with the idea of lacking.
Instead of putting sown narcissistic people and showing them that they are not special, it is better to seek understanding and find the root of the problem.
Being narcissistic stems from a feeling of not being enough and of being ordinary.
Vulnerability & The Feeling Of Not Being Enough
The feeling of not being enough brings about shame and stops us from being vulnerable. Shame is a universal emotion, is corrosive, “keeps us small, resentful and afraid”.
Furthermore, we become disengaged when we are too afraid to be vulnerable, when we are ashamed, when we lack purpose, when a social contract is not met.
It is critical to speak out on your shame, to be self-aware, to know your self-worth, to ask and receive feedback because knowing your worth will help you become more vulnerable.
To eradicate the feeling of shame:
Identify your shame triggers.
Observe your self talk.
Accept your experiences.
Share your experience, be vulnerable with someone who genuinely cares about you.
Common Misconceptions About Vulnerability
We are thought not to be vulnerable, not to show our emotions, to look down on those who do. There are several misconceptions when it comes to vulnerability.
Misconception #1: “Vulnerability is weakness”
The reality is vulnerability is not a weakness, is not good or bad. Vulnerable is the origin of all emotions. It therefore becomes important to acknowledge your vulnerability.
Besides, the people who think that they are impenetrable are in fact the most vulnerable.
Misconception #2: “I don’t do vulnerability”
Vulnerability is unavoidable. When we try to avoid it, we often exhibit unusual inconsistent behaviors.
Misconception #3: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out”
You cannot be vulnerable with everyone. It is important to build trust and boundaries before being vulnerable. Otherwise, more times than ever, you will end up getting betrayed and hurt.
Misconception #4: “We can go it alone”
Individualism and going it alone are highly regarded in American culture. In this case, it is essential to construct a support system, to ask for and receive help
Shame As A Management Tool
Most of the time, shame and the blame game are used as management tool, yet is ineffective.
Subsequently, the situations that we face on a daily basis, in the education system, in the workplace, force us to keep our head down and our mouth shut which doesn’t encourage innovation, creativity or the learning process.
Vulnerability & Protective Mechanism
Our protective mechanisms are survival strategies, used to shield our vulnerability. Those shields can go from foreboding joy, to perfectionism to numbing down your emotions.
To avoid shielding vulnerability, it is critical to:
Appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
Confront your emotions.
Live a more fulfilling life and feed your spirit.
Focus your time and energy on the essentials.
Consider how your behavior affect those around you.
Shield #1: Victim mentality
Some people go through life with a victim or perpetrator, win or lose mentally and subsequently fall into one of these categories.
Surprisingly, the people who have been through the most trauma, demonstrate the most resilience. And, people who don’t feel like victims or perpetrators, see themselves as thrivers.
Shield #2: “Floodlighting”
Floodlighting is essentially oversharing and stems from a need for confirmation and validation.
We have to be careful not to share vulnerable stories too soon with people who have not earned the right to hear them. The people on the receiving end often shut down, lack empathy or feel disconnected.
Shield #3: “The smash and grab”
With this shield, some people use vulnerability as a manipulation, sensationalizing tactic that is common in celebrity culture, as an attention seeking tool.
Shield #4: “Serpentining”
Serpentining is a draining and an avoidance behavior. It happens when people are not facing a situation head on for fear of being vulnerable, of not being present.
Shield #5: Mean-spiritedness
In this case, people use criticism, cynicism and mean-spiritedness to protect themselves. They are mean to people who dare demonstrate vulnerability.
Daring Greatly is essential to leadership, parenting, relationships, finding your purpose and your passion.
Through Daring Greatly, Brown has gathered data from people from different walks of life so we can somewhat self diagnose and become more aware of some of our toxic behavior.
Brené Brown makes some pertinent point and writes exactly like she speaks. Furthermore, Brown is very open and authentic, shares her anecdotes, fears and doubt. For example, she is vulnerable with us, mindful of the stories to share, lets us into her conversations with her therapist.
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.
Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all—there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and
hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.
Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark. The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.
Brené Brown is a PhD, a researcher at the University of Houston and the author of The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts..
Leaders are often faced with recurring issues in their personal and in their professional lives.
On a daily basis, they fight to retain talent, to keep their businesses alive, to keep up with the market, to increase their return on investment, to deal with clients, to evolve and to encourage growth.
Problems arise when there is a discrepancy between reality and expectations, when leaders are unable to successfully reach their goals.
Their ability to anticipate and to solve problems will determine their success and will increase their chances for promotion.
Wondering how to acquire problem-solving skills?
What is problem-solving?
Problem-solving is a cognitive skill that is useful in challenging, problematic and uncertain situations that require resolution.
Problem-solving is uncomfortable, takes time, requires practice and need constant monitoring. This intuitive skill is also sharpened by mistakes and failures.
Furthermore, problems encourage growth and change in us. That is why problem-solving requires facing inner demons.
It also helps us acquire innovative skills, people skills, communication skills, data gathering, conflict management and analytical skills.
Leaders who are unable to effectively solve problems lack knowledge in their respective fields, don’t establish practical methods, don’t commit to one solution, fail to implement their vision or to understand the problem all together.
STEP #1 Work on your character
You cannot control most of the situations that you will face in life. However, you can control how you react to them. It is therefore necessary to work on your character and to:
Know yourself, trust your intuition and understand that your ideas are valuable.
Be mindful that problems arise every day and that you cannot solve everything all at once.
Write down all the rules and core values that guide you so you can remember them in time of need.
Be open-minded, explore other fields than your own and to frequent people from other industries.
Educate yourself on your business. Read books and articles on your field.
Avoid jumping to conclusions. Challenge your assumptions before you restrict your opportunities
Be patient but take action before it’s too late and before the opportunity expires.
Pay attention to other people’s opinion but don’t worry too much about the naysayers.
Welcome failure. Don’t beat yourself up or don’t blame yourself for failure. Most successes or most innovations have broken through from failures.
STEP #2 Defining & Understanding the problem
Problems are synonymous with difficulty, issue, trouble, worry, complication, obstacle or setback. Problems trigger fight or flight response when handling a problematic situations.
There is no need to immediately appear decisive or to impress people. You must first define and understand the problem:
Get the information about the problem.
Identify the complexity, the symptoms, effects and root causes of the problem.
Take time to reflect on your situation and to observe.
Talk to the people implicated in the situation.
Look for patterns and for trends.
Find analogies to your situation that can help spark ideas.
Reverse the problem: find the opposite problem or envision a worse problem.
STEP #3 Solutioning
Anticipating problems is the best option. But, the key is to staying focused or finding a solution. You must be able to study all the possible solutions of the problem:
Explore all ideas even if you think that they won’t work.
Suggest solutions that would make the problem worse.
Think about your past experiences when you have been put in sticky situations. It can be a conflict with your coworkers, It can be a discussion with your clients or situations with your family.
Look at what is being done by experts and evaluate the opposite solution.
Ask for help from people around you. You can use brainstorming, mind mapping or road mapping techniques.
Remove yourself from the situation to clear your mind and gain a different perspective.
Break down the situation into simpler components.
Write down pros and cons of the solutions.
Clarify the criteria that your solution must meet.
Test the feasibility of the solution.
Organize your thoughts and pick the solution that will maximize your return.
STEP #4 Making a decision
When you have evaluated all the solutions, it’s time to make a decision. One decision is better than none.
Look up the “unwritten rules“ that you are about to break before making a decision.
Weigh in the consequences of your decisions. Rapid decisions can have serious implications, especially if you are a leader. So, be aware of the economic, social, political challenges of your decisions.
Luckily, the leader does not have to resolve every problem on their own. To make better decisions, involve your team in the decision-making process. However, the final decisions is up to you.
Seek to solve the problem long-term.
Take the necessary time to make the right decision. You don’t need to impress or to act fast, you need to act right.
STEP #5 Executing the decision
After finding the perfect solution and making your decision, start implementing it: