Self talk is everything. Matter of fact, it has been proven that negative self talk has tremendous impact on your health and your level of success.
Indeed, we can determine our emotions and actions by steering our thoughts. We can then control out thoughts by monitoring our self talk and the language we use. We can finally use strong and assertive language when speaking to and about ourselves.
There are several principles to change your mindset, to unf*** yourself and to achieve true success.
1. Your life won’t change until you make it
You must understand that you:
- Have the life that you are willing to put up with.
- Are not defined by your circumstances but only how you respond to them.
- Even if you have no control over life events, you have full control of how you respond to it.
So, it is imperative that you stop playing the victim, stop blaming others, stop blaming luck, your childhood and other external influences for your circumstances.
You must also find out what you are willing or unwilling to pursue and put up with.
2. You will succeed at whatever you set your mind to
The reality is that you are already winning at the life you have.
Your failures and hurts are hidden victories that are pushing towards your subconscious goals in whatever domain you are working in.
You will find out sooner or later that you are really good at what you believe, at realizing your assumptions about yourself.
Therefore, once you understand that principle, you can use that aspect of our mind to go after positive goals.
3. It’s all a matter of perspective
Negative experiences have a tendency to spread like wildfire. It seeps through our everyday life and turn small problems into bigger ones.
The reality is everybody has problems but your problem is not always as big as it seems. To put things into perspective:
- Don’t allow your struggles to overlap with different aspects of your life.
- Take several steps back until you have a clear logical view of your problems.
- Face your past and future. You have probably faced these same problems in the past or worse and have overcome them. Looking back at your past, you will realize how ridiculous some problems now seem.
- Believe that the future has great things in store for you.
- Solve problems one by one.
4. You must take risks to be successful
We are obsessed with a need for safety and for certainty. Subsequently, we have stopped taking risks.
At some point in your life, you were taking risks.
Those risks have now become an inherent part of your routine. The moment you stop taking risks is the moment your life becomes flat and unsuccessful.
To be successful, you have to be willing to take risks, to face uncertainty, to look stupid and to be judged.
5. You are not your feelings
What you think and what you do are two different things and won’t necessarily align.
Most successful people and overachievers have understood that principle.
They feel the negative feelings but focus and act independently from their thoughts.
You don’t have to feel like it to act like it. By acting or by fully immersing yourself in activities, you reduce the amount of negative thoughts that you experience.
6. Success is waiting outside of your comfort zone
Some of your biggest achievements happened when you stepped out your comfort zone.
The more you remove yourself from your comfort zone, the more you will feel a sense of accomplishments when you succeed.
7. You have to be relentless
To get what you want, you have to be relentless, avoid distractions and disagree with negative thoughts.
You also have to start focusing on the problems in front of you, one obstacle at a time.
You don’t give up, you don’t quit, you don’t change your plans.
8. Your expectations won’t always be met
Remember that you have the freedom to choose.
Life and opportunities will never fully meet your expectations.
That’s why you have to learn to expect nothing and accept everything.
Unf*** Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop, is designed for people who feel stuck in life, who lack introspection and who need to build themselves up from the inside out.
Unf*** Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life teaches you how to talk to yourself, to find your true potential, to stop self sabotage and being offended.
Gary John Bishop repurposed the ancient principles of stoicism and shares tips on how to master your mind in order to be successful.
He also provides you with great words of affirmation and personal assertions. So, check it out!
Let me know below what you think about this book!
The more you tell yourself how hard something is, the harder it will actually seem.
It’s entirely within our power to determine how we think about and talk about our problems. They can be a nuisance or a stepping stone. They can hold us down or lift us up.
everything is solve-able, and if you can’t see a solution, it only means you haven’t worked it out yet.
Success is never certain. It never comes without risk.
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Gary John Bishop is the New York Times best selling author of Unf**k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life & of Stop Doing That Sh*t.
In life, we must always take a step back and ask ourselves the following question: “Where am I?“.
Everybody successful person who has accomplished something in life went through the following 5 stages in life: Learning, Editing, Mastering, Harvesting and Guiding.
Most people don’t follow these 5 stages and instead choose the Average Path. Why?
Because the Average Path is comfortable and effortless. People who go down the average path are just existing and don’t make decisions.
How to get away from the Average Path?
To get away from the Average Path, you just need to Start no matter how old you are.
In reality, the way you Start your journey in 100% in your control. You are sure of your Start but you will not know how it will end.
To have a good Start, you must first be realistic about your current situation and your goals in life.
You have to be focused and work hard on your Start.
You must also recover a childlike perception of yourself all while using the tools you have gained as an adult.
Do I Need To Know My Purpose To Start?
You don’t need to figure out your purpose to Start.
You don’t need to determine the end results before taking your first step because doing so puts too much pressure on you.
Furthermore, you will not want to do anything and will not want to fix your life before finding it.
The truth is you don’t need to find your purpose but just do everything with purpose. You can start anything you want without a purpose.
What Happens When I Start?
When you start going after the things you want, fear will show its ugly face.
It will make you question your self-worth and make your journey more torturous.
It will make you think that it’s too late and that you are behind in schedule.
It will tell you that everything needs to be perfect.
You honestly have to find a way to deal with your fears.
You have to live your life without regrets.
The Learning Stage
At this stage, you are in your 20’s.
You are still testing the waters and trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.
The Editing Stage
In your 30’s, you start looking back at your 20’s.
You select what matters most to you and going after what worked for you in the past.
You start focusing on your career and relationships.
To edit your life, value what you have, search for your passions, find out what brings you the most joy and what activities align most with who you are at your core.
You don’t have to wait for outside to live the life you really want to live.
You don’t have to stay places where you grow as a person or where you have no passion for.
The Mastering Stage
In your 40’s, you mastered every thing that is important to you.
You are more self-assured and are certain about where you are going.
To master your life, you have to put in the hours and hone your craft by volunteering, taking up part time jobs and participating in hobbies that bring you closer to your goals.
In mastering your life, you will face many obstacles and challenges.
The Harvesting Stage
In your 50’s, you reap what you have sowed in your 30’s and 40’s.
In this stage, it is wise to:
- Treat people right
- Not get complacent or lazy
- Treat your accomplishments as rewards and not reasons for what you do.
The Guiding Stage
At this stage, your are in your 60’s.
You are retired and enjoying the fruits of your labor.
You start mentoring, helping people on their journey and start giving back to your community.
But once you are in this stage, you have to return to the Learning Stage and start all over again. To guide people, you must ask people questions and listen to their stories.
Then, you can tie your guiding experiences to something you were always interested in.
Start.: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average, and Do Work That Matters by Jon Acuff is a funny book with great life lessons.
The principles behind the Start.: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average, and Do Work That Matters are very similar to those in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey.
Jon Acuff‘s examples and introspective comments are hilarious but also liberating. He shares his strengths, his weaknesses and doesn’t take himself too seriously.
I truly recommend this book because it provides comfort and encouragement. In addition, at the end of the book, Jon Acuff shares a practical step by step guide for you to overcome fear and escape average.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
the surprises life gives are always better than the things you think you see coming.
Average is so popular because average is familiar. We all know how to do average. Ninetynine percent of the people on the planet do average. The road is well worn, the decisions are obvious, and the next steps are crystal clear.
Every journey has a first step. Every dream has a first destination.
No matter what fear and doubt tell you, your identity is not at stake with the decisions you make and the actions you take as you learn.
Don’t buy the lie that changing the world has to be a chore or make you miserable. Be brave enough to have fun with whatever you whittle down in your life.
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We make decisions all day that will affect the rest of our lives.
These decisions have to be thought through in order for us to have the life we want.
They affect our self-esteem, relationships, career, lifestyle, … our everyday.
The truth is, there is always an element of risk in everything that we do.
Wondering what are the risks that every leader should take?
1. Bet on yourself
The best bet you can take is on yourself.
Indeed, you are your best tool for success even if you cannot predict the future or the outcome of your decision.
If you want to achieve great things, you must first believe in yourself then make sure that you are always performing at your best.
2. Get to know yourself better
Getting to know yourself better means trying new activities, seeing what you like and dislike, what you are good at or not.
Being authentically yourself requires courage and the belief that nobody needs to like you.
3. Improve on yourself
Change is scary for most people.
When you try to improve on yourself, the people around you will resist that change, may even think that you are crazy and may not recognize you.
They will pressure you to revert to your old self. You will risk losing friends and family in order for you to grow and to feel good about yourself.
4. Reinvent yourself
Don’t do what is expected of you.
Your life will be dull if you did what everyone else wanted of you.
Your friends and family certainly have your best interest at heart but most of the time they can stunt your growth and bring down your expectations so you don’t outgrow them, so you don’t change.
To break these expectations, start doing things that your entourage will laugh or look down upon.
5. Put yourself out there
Everyone observes and judges others at some point in their life. Honestly, we all do it whether we mean to do it or not.
Everybody criticizes. Criticism can be negative or positive but it can sometimes be useful.
It only hurts if you let it or if you agree with the criticism.
So, put yourself out there:
- Risk of being judged or appearing foolish.
- Don’t be afraid to look stupid doing something.
6. Pursue your dreams
Don’t live in regrets and what ifs.
You don’t want to get old and realize that you didn’t do what you set out to do.
Furthermore, the happiest or most content people are driven, purposeful and allow themselves to dream and act upon their dream.
There comes a point in time when you have to chose between your goals and your friends. You have to know that it is OK to miss out on fun events with friends and family in order to work on your goals and advance your purpose.
7. Admit your mistakes
When you take risks, you will always make mistakes.
Mistakes are signs that you are human, trying new things and getting our of your comfort zone.
Sometimes, we think that there is no going back from our mistakes, we cannot move on and we cannot be forgiven for what we have done.
You will ever know if you don’t take the risks and ask for forgiveness.
8. Learn to forgive
When other people on your team make mistakes, you must learn to give them a second chance.
The risk or the certainty is that they will mess up again but they will have enough confidence to fix their mistakes.
Consequently, they will trust you more, be more creative and forgive you more when you make a mistake.
9. Show emotion
In the workplace, showing emotion is risky because people will tend to use them against you.
In order to not be taken advantage of, you really have to own them and discipline yourself.
10. Ask questions
Leaders must acknowledge that they don’t know everything.
They must therefore listen, ask questions and value their employees.
It’s better to ask questions and look dumb for a few minutes than say nothing and be dumb for a lifetime.
11. Speak up
Leaders must speak truth to power, speak with truth, power, integrity and transparency.
They must stand up for what they believe in and speak up when it’s right even when it’s hard to do.
In addition, they express their opinion, don’t try to manage other people’s feelings and opinions: they say what they mean and mean what their say.
People who are able to speak up confidently, say what bothers them and what doesn’t are the people who usually go far in life.
12. Analyze opportunities
Before taking any risks, you must always analyze the pros and the cons of your decisions.
You have the right to say no to opportunities that don’t fit you.
You have the duty to say yes more often to things that scare you.
Just remember that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
13. Risk rejection
If you haven’t been rejected in life, then you haven’t done anything worthwhile.
You have to dare to apply to jobs you don’t have the qualifications for, talk to people outside your circle with different affinities.
If people don’t return your interests, then they are the ones missing out.
14. Let go of things you cannot control
You must take the risk that everything will work out on its own and you don’t have to control everything.
15. Don’t be afraid of getting hurt
Taking risks implies that you will be vulnerable most of the time.
In other words, it means that you open yourself up to get hurt.
Because pain is inevitable, you can go for it and perform at the best of your abilities.
16. Overcome your fears one by one
You will not feel confident going towards your fears. However, once you have faced your fears, you will feel good about yourself and be ready to take on any life challenges.
In reality, your fears are not as bad as you think and facing them help you build confidence.
Most of the time, your mind and your ego are exaggerating your fears to protect you.
Travelling allows you to reframe your mindset, to learn new things and meet new people.
It also allows you to try out different versions of yourself.
It costs money but it is totally worth it.
Last Words Of Advice!
Life is an adventure! Don’t live in regrets and live your life to the fullest.
Taking risks is the best chance you have to get to know yourself, predict the future and achieve your highest potential.
The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
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In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer encourages people to be their Best Self.
What is your Best Self?
Your Best Self is unique, positive, evolved and aligned with your truth.
When you are being your best self, you are being your most authentic and at your core.
How to connect with your Best Self?
Connecting with your Best Self takes time and requires patience. To get in touch with your Best Self:
- Express gratitude frequently to get out of a negative space. Make a gratitude list of everything that puts you in a good mood or elevates you in any kind of way.
- Embrace change. Everybody can change if they want to, they just have to apply the right motivations.
- Identify your fears. Once you have identified your fears, put them to the test to see if your assumptions are true, if they are rational, if they help you succeed, or if they serve your best interests.
- Recognize any signs of egotistical behavior. Once you have acknowledge your behavior, assess the origins of it and get your ego in check.
Assessing your Best Self
“SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life”.
The SPHERES tool, create by Mike Bayer, is a screening tool used to assess your Best Self in all areas of your life.
Your social life
In the SPHERES tool, your social situation determines how well you project your Best Self to the world.
It then becomes imperative to analyze how you interact with people. You can also assess your ability to send clear messages, to listen to others, to embrace human emotions, to handle highly charged situations, to give and receive feedback.
Your personal life
Your personal life contains your self-image, your self-talk, the level of compassion and respect you have for yourself.
To create the personal life that you want, you will have to:
- Rewire your brain to think positively by challenging your internal dialogue.
- Get familiar with what you are constantly telling yourself.
- Identify the messages you tell yourself when you are under pressure.
- Log your thoughts and your self-talk, identify the common themes and tones.
- Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels before they snowball. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely be able to take care of others.
- Connect with your passions. Your passions will vary throughout your life. Your passions will allow you to express yourself, to strengthen your bond with your Best Self and vibrate at a higher frequency. To find your passions, explore new things, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone.
Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be present, keep a clear mind and achieve your Best Self.
Remaining in a “lifetime learning mode” will help you evolve into your Best Self and become more self-aware.
Once you find your passions, you will take pleasure in acquiring knowledge in that field.
Your relationships reflect who you are as a person.
Your Best Self will gauge who you want to be around, judge the health of a relationship and help you make the tough decisions.
In order to stay connected to your Best Self in all relationships, you must define your core values, exercise them and identify the people who live up to them.
We spend most of our days at work.
So, when we are not able to fully be ourselves, our work life tends to become draining.
It somehow becomes important to nurture our Best Selves at work or create a career path that allows us to maximize our potential at work.
In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer shares tips and tools to help you achieve your Best Self. He helps you make a diagnostic of all the aspects of your life and provides practical solutions to your problems.
Furthermore, Best Self: Be You, Only Better is a workbook that teaches you how to fix what’s inside to fix outside. It is on point when it comes to assessing people’s behavior and can conveniently be revisited several time in your life.
Best Self: Be You, Only Better is ideal for leaders who want to improve their leadership skills and bring their best selves at work. It becomes clear that if you are your best self, you can create the best teams, take care of others and create the best organization.
With this workbook:
- Get in touch with your Best Self.
- Reach your highest potential.
- Find more balance in your life.
- Evolve, change, reinvent yourself and improve your life.
- Learn to handle adversity and crisis.
- Discover your truth and your purpose.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Many of society’s “rules” simply don’t apply to us as individuals, and if we spend all our energy on trying to be, do, say, and act like society wants us to, we are simply wasting time we could be spending on discovering and connecting with our Best Self.
Self-care is foundational to living your ideal life.
The 10X Rule By Grant Cardone is a guide to set goals, reach and retain success in any area of your life.
The 10X Rule will help you to define your version of success and to repetitively create extraordinary levels of success.
What is the 10X Rule?
The 10X Rule is achieving success by putting in 10 times the effort and the action that the average person would.
The 10X Rule means acting towards your goals with 10 times the right mindset.
Why is the 10X Rule vital?
Estimating the right amount of effort and time to invest in your goals will help you reach your target without moving the finish line.
Furthermore, multiplying your effort by 10 will allow you to predict issues and to be prepared.
By using the 10X Rule, you will be able to:
- Stick to your guns and not be distracted.
- Define your own version of success.
- Make a plan for your life.
- Filter out goals that have been imposed on you.
- Set your own limits and aim for the impossible.
- Set a positive and sustainable mindset.
- Implement your own system of belief.
- Properly estimate your abilities.
- Tap into your full potential.
- Work without it feeling like work.
How to achieve higher levels of success?
Success is having a purposeful life and its realization is your responsibility.
In addition, success is important for your personal growth, for your sense of self and for your well-being.
Success depends on your stage in life and shouldn’t be minimized.
To achieve higher levels of success:
1. Do not play the victim or make excuses
It is detrimental to take responsibility for your actions, to find solutions, take action and gain more control of your life.
2. Relinquish control
In life and at work, you will not control everything. However, you can control how you respond to everything.
3. Be the solution
Understand that you can be the solution and the problem to your situation, at the same time.
4. Do not try to be average
Being average and facing average difficulties will not lead you to success.
People who operate on the average level tend to try to overestimate results, underestimate difficulties, steal success from those who operate at the 10X level.
5. Do not rest on your laurels
Resting on your laurels is the surest way to get overpowered and to lose sight of your goals.
6. Set your goals
Goal-setting plays an important part in your success.
- Set your goals high enough so you do not fail, so you resist adversity and maintain your enthusiasm.
- Speak your goals into reality on a daily basis.
- Align your goals with your purpose.
- Clearly define your goals.
- Verify that your goals are equal to your potential.
- Understand that your goals are personal.
7. Avoid competing with others
When you compete with others, you spend more time watching what someone else is doing rather than creating and setting the pace.
It becomes critical to find your niche, dominate your field and do what others are not willing to do.
8. Be mindful of the company you keep
The people you associate with determine your level of success.
Before joining a group, analyze the pros and the cons of belonging to this group.
9. Get obsessed over success
Obsession is not all negative. Obsession can be converted into action and can be conveyed.
Being obsessed will push you to make things work.
Get obsessed over success.
Get obsessed over every possibilities and every action that will take you towards your goals.
10. Go all in
Going all in means fully committing to your goals and possibly over-delivering.
No matter what, understand that:
- It is OK put all your eggs in one basket and to over-commit.
- You can and will fail as many times as you will and can succeed.
11. Embrace fear
Take fear as a sign to keep doing what you actually fear and to keep applying the 10X rule because:
- Fear means that you are growing.
- Fear means you are doing something uncomfortable.
- Your moment is now. There isn’t a good time to take action.
12. Value your time
Time is of the essence. To achieve success: manage your time effectively, maximize your time, set your priorities, create a healthy work-life balance.
13. Do not be afraid of criticism
Criticism means that you are on your way to success when you start taking action.
The 10X Rule By Grant Cardone is an inspirational and motivational book, written for leaders, entrepreneurs and anyone who wishes to be successful.
It forces you to reevaluate your goals, your purpose and your definition of success.
It encourages you to take risks, “act, produce and create in massive quantities regardless of the situation or circumstances.”
It demonstrates how to be and stay the leader in any field. The 10X Rule focuses on your character, your mindset and your goal-setting skills.
Most of the time, we struggle to reach our goals and don’t understand why. But, Grant Cardone makes it very clear that:
- You must be self-aware and self-assured.
- You are the only one that stands in front of your goals.
- Success depends integrally on the effort, time and energy that you put in.
- Most of what society claims to be wrong is an inherent part of success.
To Grant Cardone success is a mindset and is determined by your purpose.
The 10X Rule is not a get rich quick trick. Remember:
- All goals are difficult to achieve.
- You will always face some type of adversity.
- You must assess your abilities and your resources.
- Your goals must be extraordinary, appropriate and require motivation.
- Success must be constantly maintained.
- You current state doesn’t matter.
- The way you are perceived doesn’t matter.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
When you have underestimated the time, energy, and effort necessary to do something, you will have “quit” in your mind, voice, posture, face, and presentation. You won’t develop the persistence necessary to get your mission accomplished.
Never take the position that things just happen to you; rather, they happen because of something you did or did not do.
Until a person is done being a victim, he or she is unable to create solutions and success. That person only has problems.
The most valuable chips you have are your mind-set, actions, persistence, and creativity.
If you are not creating new problems for yourself, then you aren’t taking enough action.
Success is not a popularity contest.