Unf*** Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life By Gary John Bishop

Self talk is everything. Matter of fact, it has been proven that negative self talk has tremendous impact on your health and your level of success.

Indeed, we can determine our emotions and actions by steering our thoughts. We can then control out thoughts by monitoring our self talk and the language we use. We can finally use strong and assertive language when speaking to and about ourselves.

There are several principles to change your mindset, to unf*** yourself and to achieve true success.

1. Your life won’t change until you make it

You must understand that you:

  • Have the life that you are willing to put up with.
  • Are not defined by your circumstances but only how you respond to them.
  • Even if you have no control over life events, you have full control of how you respond to it.

So, it is imperative that you stop playing the victim, stop blaming others, stop blaming luck, your childhood and other external influences for your circumstances.

You must also find out what you are willing or unwilling to pursue and put up with.

2. You will succeed at whatever you set your mind to

The reality is that you are already winning at the life you have.

Your failures and hurts are hidden victories that are pushing towards your subconscious goals in whatever domain you are working in.

You will find out sooner or later that you are really good at what you believe, at realizing your assumptions about yourself.

Therefore, once you understand that principle, you can use that aspect of our mind to go after positive goals.

Unf*** Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life By Gary John Bishop #books #bookreview #overcomefear #success

3. It’s all a matter of perspective

Negative experiences have a tendency to spread like wildfire. It seeps through our everyday life and turn small problems into bigger ones.

The reality is everybody has problems but your problem is not always as big as it seems. To put things into perspective:

  • Don’t allow your struggles to overlap with different aspects of your life.
  • Take several steps back until you have a clear logical view of your problems.
  • Face your past and future. You have probably faced these same problems in the past or worse and have overcome them. Looking back at your past, you will realize how ridiculous some problems now seem.
  • Believe that the future has great things in store for you. 
  • Solve problems one by one.

4. You must take risks to be successful

We are obsessed with a need for safety and for certainty. Subsequently, we have stopped taking risks.

At some point in your life, you were taking risks.

Those risks have now become an inherent part of your routine. The moment you stop taking risks is the moment your life becomes flat and unsuccessful.

To be successful, you have to be willing to take risks, to face uncertainty, to look stupid and to be judged.

5. You are not your feelings

What you think and what you do are two different things and won’t necessarily align.

Most successful people and overachievers have understood that principle.

They feel the negative feelings but focus and act independently from their thoughts.

You don’t have to feel like it to act like it. By acting or by fully immersing yourself in activities, you reduce the amount of negative thoughts that you experience.

6. Success is waiting outside of your comfort zone

Some of your biggest achievements happened when you stepped out your comfort zone.

The more you remove yourself from your comfort zone, the more you will feel a sense of accomplishments when you succeed.

7. You have to be relentless

To get what you want, you have to be relentless, avoid distractions and disagree with negative thoughts.

You also have to start focusing on the problems in front of you, one obstacle at a time.

You don’t give up, you don’t quit, you don’t change your plans.

8. Your expectations won’t always be met

Remember that you have the freedom to choose.

Life and opportunities will never fully meet your expectations.

That’s why you have to learn to expect nothing and accept everything.

Review

Unf*** Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop, is designed for people who feel stuck in life, who lack introspection and who need to build themselves up from the inside out.

Unf*** Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life teaches you how to talk to yourself, to find your true potential, to stop self sabotage and being offended.

Gary John Bishop repurposed the ancient principles of stoicism and shares tips on how to master your mind in order to be successful.

He also provides you with great words of affirmation and personal assertions. So, check it out!

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

The more you tell yourself how hard something is, the harder it will actually seem.

It’s entirely within our power to determine how we think about and talk about our problems. They can be a nuisance or a stepping stone. They can hold us down or lift us up.

everything is solve-able, and if you can’t see a solution, it only means you haven’t worked it out yet.

Success is never certain. It never comes without risk.

Ratings 3.5/5

Author

Gary John Bishop

 

 

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The Importance Of Becoming A Self-Disciplined Leader

Self-Disciplined LeaderAs a leader and as someone always searching for innovative ideas, I have to say that I have been struggling with staying focused on one topic at a time, controlling my train of thoughts and filtering negative emotions.

Although I come from a very disciplined home, my mind is sometimes undisciplined: tens of thousands of ideas flash through my mind in a second, which makes it difficult for my team to follow me.

 

By taking time out in the day solely for the thinking process, I have allowed myself to successfully manage my thoughts and become a self-disciplined leader.

Wondering how to acquire self-discipline or how self-discipline can successfully grow your career?

What is self-discipline?

Firstly, self-discipline is one of the most important component of leadership. Self-discipline develops in you set ways for your thoughts, actions and habits. Self-discipline means doing what needs to be done when you don’t feel like doing it.

In addition, it means that you accept your responsibilities and accomplish your goals because they are the best profitable option but not because you want to.

Self-discipline implies self-management or self-control, self-motivation, self-reliance, self-confidence and self-awareness and eventually, remains the basis for trust.

Secondly, self-discipline is an acquired skill, has several degrees to it and is not achieved overnight. It has to be practiced to become easier, to create routine and structure.

Lastly, early responsibilities in life, small tasks and assignments, given by parents or managers, allow people to gain discipline from a young age and shape their character.

Characteristics of self-disciplined leaders

Self-disciplined leaders are successful and ultimately become better at what they do. They are active, self-controlled, organized, are able to censor themselves and to build great relationships.

Leaders use self-discipline to sharpen their willpower and decisions making skills, to command respect from others and to lead by example, to achieve their goals regardless of their feelings, to gain profit and to look beyond hard work, to stick to their decisions, to evaluate themselves and place boundaries, to compartmentalize their emotions.

Furthermore, self-disciplined leaders have no fear of the future, are respected and dependable.

Self-disciplined leaders practice thoughts management, emotional intelligence, time management, character building, self-awareness and team building until they turn those soft skills into habits.

HABIT #1: MIND MANAGEMENT

Your thoughts, negative or positive, become your reality whether you want it or not. Self-disciplined leaders have peace of mind, no matter the situation.

For self-disciplined leaders, controlling your emotions is barely about becoming stoic, but about acknowledging your emotions, understanding them and keeping them in check before acting on them.

In order to control your thoughts:

  1. Nurture your mind with the right stimuli, with empowering thoughts and success stories. Remove distractions from your workspace. Block social media sites during working hours.
  2. Train your brain to handle different situations, and to prepare for both positive and negative outcomes.
  3. Meditate or turn to religion. Meditation brings a sense of contentment and allows you to accept and deal with your thoughts. In religion, controlling your thoughts is more about admitting God’s control over us and relinquishing our problems and emotions to Him. Which is why you need to keep your eyes on God and your focus on your purpose.
  4. Forgive yourself for past mistakes, let go of grudges and regrets,  and keep moving forward.

HABIT #2: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Self disciplined leaders don’t allow their choices and decisions to be dictated by their impulses or feelings. Instead, they:

  • enhance their logical and emotional skills to be able to make sound decisions,
  • control their facial expressions,
  • resist and reject negative feelings,
  • handle stressful situations, conflicts and toxic individuals in a healthy manner,
  • adopt positive attitudes and behaviors.

To discipline your emotions:

  1. Control your thoughts and don’t leave them on autopilot. Pay close attention to your habits, especially in negative situations. Identify which behaviors you consider undisciplined and those that reflect your values ans goals.
  2. Change your self talk.
  3. Meditate on a daily basis, a least 10 minutes a day, to quiet the mind, gain serenity and suppress regrets.
  4. Cultivate gratitude. This will help you transform negative circumstances into positives.
  5. Change your sources of data that you intake and abstain from vain entertainment.
  6. Change or increase your social circle to individuals who possess the qualities and skills that you wish to acquire.
  7. Manage your health by taking care of the essentials. Your mind and body are interconnected and the health of the one impacts the other.
    • Sleep healthy hours and develop a steady night routine. Set an alarm at the same time everyday, put your phone in an unreachable area, don’t hit the snooze button.
    • Acquire a healthy diet.
    • Exercise regularly instead of procrastinating and drown your negative thoughts with dopamine.

HABIT #3: SELF-AWARENESS

Self-discipline allows leader to monitor their behavior in various situations and to assess their strengths and weaknesses, to find their purpose.

Without being aware of your strengths, you are unable to lead effectively. Trying to emulate another leader’s style, strengths destroys your natural talent, your uniqueness, your personality and your therefore your chances for success.

Furthermore, most leaders are blind to their own strengths and weaknesses. Some lead thinking that they possess a particular set of strengths and others lead blind to their own weaknesses.

Get to know yourself at a deeper level, increase your confidence, become more self-aware and quiet your ego:

  1. Renew your thought pattern, invest in your personal growth and don’t allow setbacks to mentally set you back.
  2. Reverting back to the memories of your childhood and recalling what you did well and with pleasure.
  3. Look for a common thread in the things that immediately and sustainably attract your attention throughout your life experiences.
  4. Read books and gain knowledge.
  5. Hire a professional to help identify your strengths and how to employ them.
  6. Take well-known online tests, such as StrenghtsFinder2.0 and StandOut, and cross-reference them.
  7. Asking the people closest to you.
  8. Surround yourself with supporting people. Stay away from yes men, undermining people or groups.
  9. Seek the truth about yourself and be unafraid of failure or the said truth.

HABIT #4: TIME MANAGEMENT

Successful individuals manage their time effectively to ensure that they accomplish their goals, allocate and maximize their time.

In the workplace, missing deadlines irritates and disrupts everyone on the team and makes you appear non accountable. So, to manage your time effectively:

  1. Define an achievable specific goal and apply timelines to it to create overviews of the milestones you wish to achieve. If you don’t have deadlines, create some for yourself.
  2. Make time to achieve your personal goals, follow-up on schedule and meet deadlines. Do not procrastinate, find excuses to postpone your work or allow anyone to distract you and squander your time. Instead, stay busy and focused, and put in the hours required to accomplish your goals.
  3. Prioritize your personal goals and accomplish the most important ones before hand.
  4. Implement a routine and stay focused on the prize.
  5. Make time to be proactive. With an increase in leadership responsibilities, people start pulling the leader in different directions, and the leader ends up doing more of what people desire than what is necessary to be done. Carve out an hour in the day or choose a day in the week to isolate or insulate yourself and execute your tasks that matter.
  6. Make time for yourself. Carve out another hour in your day to recharge your batteries to be more productive and efficient as a leader for your team. You may have to arrive earlier to work.
  7. Respect other people time.

HABIT #5: CHARACTER BUILDING

Not all hardworking and talented beings are disciplined. Therefore, not all hardworking and talented beings are successful.

On one hand, self-discipline helps in creating routine and structure, holding yourself and others to a high standard ( integrity and respect), remaining accountable for your actions on your job, executing your job in detail and delivering on time. Self-discipline also increases maturity and builds stamina and resistance to walk down the leader’s path. That means that you can take a licking and keep on ticking.

On the other hand, self-discipline makes you resilient. You are empowered to stick to your decision, are able to get up when you are knocked down and to keep going when you hear “no”. Building character is a gradual process:

  1. Be consistent with your values (integrity)
  2. Tenacity is also key. Don’t be discouraged or perturbed by obstacles, by failures, by the illusion that your goals are unreachable. Instead, resist the urges of giving in or giving up.
  3. Read, listen, watch motivational elements. For faithful people, turning to your belief system is a great way to stay on track.
  4. Draw lessons from your mistakes.
  5. Monitor what you say. If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything.

HABIT #6: RELATIONSHIP & TEAM BUILDING

Being disciplined allows leaders to command respect from others, to work well with their team members, to handle interactions with employees or customers judiciously.

In order to minimize supervisors intervention:

  1. Define your responsibilities or tasks, avoid stepping on anybody’s toes, delegate tasks appropriately,
  2. Play by the rules, treat your team members as adults and with respect,
  3. Look out for the best interests of the company and your team members,
  4. Coach your team, promote self-discipline amongst them, encourage innovative ideas without even if they fail,
  5. Share your performance expectations with your employees and help them direct their focus towards achieving their goals
  6. Address unacceptable behaviors immediately without punishing or humiliating the perpetrators,
  7. Model yourself as the best leader, avoid taking your job for granting or taking credit for team success or outstanding performance, and stay humble and .

HABIT #7: EXECUTION, MOTIVATION & STRUCTURE

Self-discipline brings predictability, consistency and order to the leader. Self-discipline captures the meaning of the word expectancy and provides the leader with latitude for risk assessment and management. To create structure and improve task execution:

  1. If you are somehow already disciplined in executing task, share your timeline and your attention to detail with others and help them pick up the slack without micro managing.
  2. Clearly, your order brings a sense of control to the team. However, don’t impose your discipline to anyone else.
  3. Focus on starting tasks rather than completing them.
  4. Follow through on your ideas and finish what you have started. Also, track your progress: record the starting time and the end time of your tasks.
  5. Execute your plan in silence, and respect yourself enough to put your money where your mouth is and to come through on your promises.

The Importance Of Becoming A Self-Disciplined Leader

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

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9 Common Misconceptions About Leadership

In the workplace, everyone has the potential to become a great leader if they have the right knowledge.

Unfortunately, most of the time, for lack of knowledge, we see our higher ups acting like children and creating toxic workplaces.

They misunderstand the real role leaders should have within their team and organization.

Wondering what are the common misconceptions about leadership?

9 Common Misconceptions About Leadership #leadership #selfimprovement #truth

Misconception #1. Leaders are bosses or managers

Don’t mistake leaders for bosses. Great leaders generally don’t like humiliating people or bossing people around.

Leaders don’t go around telling people what to do but tend to lead by example.

Leaders have to lead themselves first before they lead anybody else.

They don’t need or want to have power over others. Instead, they influence and empower others. 

Misconception #2. Leaders are not emotional

“Leave your emotions at the door” is an expression that we often hear in the workplace.

The truth is we can’t fully detach our emotions from our circumstances wherever we go.

The truth is nobody wants an emotionless leader who lacks empathy for their team and cannot communicate their emotions.

Why? Because emotions make us human. They are there to help and guide us.

That doesn’t mean that we should wear our emotions on our sleeves and bleed on everyone else.

It means that you should definitely communicate your emotions and that you can share what you are feeling in a disciplined manner.

Misconception #3. Leaders are unkind

We often hear that kind people are generally taken advantage of and don’t make it very far in the world.

People in positions of leadership feels the need to be mean to demonstrate their power and to protect themselves.

However, kind leaders are successful in the workplace because they:

  • Are firm yet vulnerable and are open to accepting help from others.
  • Listen and help their coworkers.
  • Are flexible and supportive.

In return, team members are more motivated, more productive, and are appreciative of a healthy work environment.

Misconception #4. Leaders are confident all the time

Leaders are human too.

They are not always confident and positive.

They have huge responsibilities and developed character, but they still fall prey to insecurities.

However, they make a point to nurture their self-esteem and boost the self-esteem of others. They know how to discipline their emotions because they are aware that they are role models.

Misconception #5. Leaders are professional and private

Leaders are professional but they have a personal life that they can share if they want to.

The reality is that leaders have to open up and get to know their team members.

They have to know what motivates their team and share what motivates them in return.

They need to know what is important to their team so that they create a healthy work-life balance.

Misconception #6. Leaders know everything

Some people think that leaders have to know everything.

Some employee may even challenge their bosses knowledge.

Leaders are not supposed to know everything. They are there to unite and to guide.

Instead, they must surround themselves with the best and rely on them to get all the expertise they need.

They may not be experts but leaders must not feel insecure about not knowing everything. 

Misconception #7. All leaders are extroverted

Extroverts are people persons, are skilled at communicating and speaking their mind.

Because communication skills are highly valued in the workplace, extroverted leaders have a leg up on the competition.

However, introverts can achieve their full potential as well because introverts have their own set of skills. They become wise and understanding leaders who listen to their team and reflect on the best solutions.

Misconception #8. Leaders have high energy

Sure, leaders should exercise and refresh their mind to maintain a certain level of energy.

However, they are not jesters or there to entertain the crowd.

They have to make responsible decisions and stay focused on the vision.

Misconception #9. Leaders are void of mistakes

In reality, leaders make the most mistakes.

They function ahead of the crowd and experience things before anyone else.

They had to make mistakes before they achieve any type of success.

Last Words Of Advice!

There is no general mould for leadership.

Most leaders don’t really need a diploma, title or position.

Furthermore, leadership is a constant work in progress. There are leaders at all levels of life and there are various leadership styles for leaders to express themselves.

 

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

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How To Successfully Identify & Deal With Your Emotional Triggers : 8 Proven Strategies That Leaders Use

Triggers? Everybody has them whether we want to admit or not, whether we know they exist or not.

Triggers are natural and there for self preservation purposes.

However, they show up anywhere at an inopportune time.

They make us react in appropriate ways, get us out of character and acting like a child again.

It is therefore detrimental for leaders to identify and control their triggers so that they cannot be controlled by them or someone.

Wondering how leaders identify and control their triggers?

How To Identify & Deal With Your Emotional Triggers (1)

What are TRIGGERS?

A trigger can be a person, a place, an object or an event.

Trauma is a major cause of triggers. Triggers are made of:

  • Situations that threaten your well being.
  • Conflicts in core values. Differences in ideas, beliefs and point of views.
  • Powerlessness from physical or emotional abuse.

For example, we can be triggered when:

  • We want to make a logical & rational point in serious conversation.
  • We are in a safe place and having fun with friends and family.
  • We are alone in a peaceful room.
  • We think about the past or the future.

Triggers just like intuition are nor good or bad: they have the ability to transform us into children again but they also warn us that something around us is wrong.

Furthermore, triggers allow us to become more self-aware and to discover the true meaning behind your actions. 

In addition, triggers can be stimulated internally or externally. They generally manifest themselves into:

  • Eating disorders,
  • Tears, fear or sadness,
  • Anger, rage or other emotional outburst,
  • Cold sweat and heart palpitations,
  • Inability to speak (out).

How to identify your TRIGGERS?

The problem with triggers is that they don’t allow us to achieve our purpose and get what we want out of life.

Triggers set you off path. They make you wonder “What the hell was I thinking?”, “I can’t believe I just did that!!!”.

For leaders triggers can cost you your character, your credibility, your team and your money.

That is why leaders have to become aware of themselves and the systems of beliefs that are driving their behavior.

There are a few strategies leaders can adopt to identify their triggers. While you are being triggered …

 

1. … Pause

When you are feeling heightened emotions, pause and analyze the situation.

Where am I? What am I doing? What was said? What is the meaning of this?

3. … Be still

Learn to be still in situation of turmoil.

Feel your emotions but don’t get stuck in them.

You don’t need to react but you need to learn to respond.

2. … Gain perspective

Acknowledge whether that trigger is positive or negative.

Does it help you to make positive or negative choices? Is it serving you

If it is not, it is time to let of go or turn it around to achieve a better life.

How to control your TRIGGERS?

Triggers of managed appropriately can intuitively guide us and warn us when something is wrong or too toxic for us.

Undisciplined triggers ruin great relationships, can hurt you physically and mysteriously hijack your life.

1. Traumas are real

Everything that you see in someone is only a mere reflection of yourself.

For instance, you don’t like being ignored at work because your parents ignored you growing up.

So now, you have to examine yourself first.

Then, take responsibility for your life, traumas and for your emotions.

2. Don’t take things personally

Understand that everyone has their own insecurities.

If they trigger you even purposefully, don’t take it personally.

You cannot control people nor are you responsible for their mental and emotional health.

3. Learn to change 

Not because you have been acting the same way for the last 20 years that you cannot change.

Change is possible. Change is good.

Don’t do the same thing every time you are being triggered or being triggered all the time is the right choice.

4. Be more present

Be more present to help you exercise continuous self-awareness.

This will help you monitor your thoughts and behaviors in challenging or regular situations.

By being present you stop experiencing your last threat.

5. Be more compassionate 

Be compassionate with yourself.

Appreciate your peace and don’t allow anyone to control you.

You are only human and cannot be in control of your entire self 24/7.

However, forgive yourself and always do your best.

6. Remember to exercise

Exercising keeps your mind clean and puts in control of your own body.

This way, when you are triggered, you can feel the symptoms acting out throughout your body.

You will then have enough control to acknowledge and minimize these symptoms.

7. Write down your emotions and your triggers

Make a list of the things that trigger you. This way, you will know which personality type or environment to avoid.

Write down your triggers and the reasons and histories around them. Then change the story and take back control. Why do they exist? Where do they come from?

8. Learn from your experiences

When you are triggered, remember that you are not defined by your last experience and that controlling your trigger is a learning process.

Acknowledge that the opinion of others don’t matter.

Allow your experiences to make you a better and optimized version of yourself.

You will do better next time FOR SURE!

Last Words Of Advice!

You attract what you think.

Therefore, take care of your mind so that you can live an optimized and meaningful life.

 

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

 

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13 Leadership Tips For Your First Day On The Job

Congratulations. You have just been hired, after an incessant job search and multiple job interviews. Now, the real work has just started!

Wondering how to build a positive professional image as soon as you arrive on the job and to sustain it throughout your whole career?

13 Leadership Tips for Your First Day on the Job #work #career #careeradvice #job #leadership #success

From your first day on the job, your colleagues will definitely be judging you and your capabilities as a leader, as a team member or as a threat to their current position.

Meanwhile your employer will evaluate your abilities to integrate the organization and to quickly adapt, to learn the job skills.

You have to be ready to handle the pressure and to measure up to the job. And unfortunately, I learnt that there aren’t any do-overs when it comes to making a first impression of your professional image.

On the first day on my first job, I showed up on the first day with a negative attitude: I was anxious, unconsciously rejecting the fact that I had to work corporate and work for someone else.

Therefore, in the long haul, I started involuntarily rebuffing the idea of getting along with people, learning new skills and focusing on my job.

As a result, I integrated an unfavorable perception of my environment and I certainly believe that I left a negative impression of myself in the workplace. 

This stuck to me for a while until I quit the job and was able to start over elsewhere with a better knowledge of both corporate and leadership.

At the same time, to survive, I did what my elders told me: “work hard and keep your head down!”.  But this brought on additional issues. Why? Because, according to Daniel Goleman, in Working With Emotional Intelligence,  the “rules for work are changing. We’re being judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle ourselves and each other.[…] These rules have little to do with what we were told was important in school; academic abilities are largely irrelevant to this standard.”.

 

In order for you to steer clear from the same issues that I have experienced, to develop a leadership image from the start, follow the tips below:

1. Arrive to work early and leave late on your first day

Arriving early to work demonstrate your motivation, your eagerness to learn and gives you more credit as a professional.

In addition, arriving early will allow you to get a general feel of your new colleagues’ arrival time, schedules, morning procedures.

It will also give you a time to which you will be expected to show up at work.

On your first day, at least, make sure to leave the office after a few coworkers have left the office and not before everyone else does.

2. Dress appropriately and to look your best

Undeniably, your coworkers will make snap decisions about you without getting to know or understanding your core values.

Subsequently, they will judge your book by its cover, no matter how you feel or what you say.

Dressing appropriately, without drawing attention to yourself,  gives the perception that you fit in, that you are the right person for the job, and that you care about yourself and others.

At your job interview, you had the time to consider the company culture and to take notes on the proper attire to fit in. Even on casual Fridays, groom yourself, do your best to look the part, and to dress for  the job you want and not for the one you have.

3. Be confident, positive and prepared for a full-blown interview from your colleagues

After the job interview, take heed of the coworkers interviews.

Most likely, they will ask about your education, your professional experience, your professional competencies for the job, a description of your current position, and the members of your team.

Prepare a short presentation of yourself to introduce yourself confidently.

4. Assume also that some of your coworkers won’t bother to get to know you

So, you will have to take initiative and make the first steps.

Extend a firm handshake, smile and proactively introduce yourself by using the short presentation about yourself and to control the message regarding yourself.

Also, prepare a set of probing questions for your coworkers.

5. Observe your coworkers in return, their behavior towards one another, towards their boss

Don’t be fooled, on your first day, most of your coworkers will be on their best behavior around you and will try their best for you to like them.

Withal, you can discreetly notice the clicks and the areas and subjects that bring tension.

6. Pay attention to company culture

Who gives orders, who is the unofficial leader, who arrives early and who arrives late, who takes coffee breaks and how often, who start the lunch process, where lunch takes place and for how long…does everyone work out? Should you go to the after works? 

Take a moment to understand the rules, on your own, without referring to any coworker just yet.

7. Remember the names of the people you meet

I am not a name person but you should not ask for names that were already given.

Wait a few days and someone will throw a name out there.

8. Cultivate emotional intelligence

Even though your coworkers will be on their best behavior for the first few days, there is ALWAYS someone to come around and test you for fun.

Your reaction to his or her obnoxious behavior will market your capabilities and your personal qualities, for future career success.

9. Communicate effectively, listen more than you speak and observe your body language

Listen actively and with intention of asking probing questions.

Ask for people opinions before you give yours.

10. Show interest in your new tasks

The responsibilities that you are given on your first days are boring and minimal: you will most likely be reading job regulations, technical documents and implementing basic tasks.

Nonetheless, ask pertinent questions, take notes, commit to the task at hand and don’t expect your boss or your coworkers to hold your hand.

11. Be open to correction, advice and guidance

Even though you have some experience under your belt, stay humble instead of showing off your knowledge, listen to what your coworkers have to tell you

Thank people for their help and own up to your mistakes.

Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know. Let me find out and get back to you.”.

12. Accept invitations for coffee, to smoke or to lunch with your coworkers

Mind you, I don’t drink coffee, I don’t smoke and I only take lunch breaks alone during my working hours.

But those breaks are essential to show that you are social and willing to integrate and share their habits.

Use those breaks to your advantage to get to know your coworkers.

13. Don’t indulge in office politics and gossip on your first day or ever

Avoid people who partake in gossip and employ aggressive methods of office politics.

To not be implicated in the rumor mill, don’t expose your personal life.

According to Daniel Goleman, pay attention to “what to say, what not to say, and what to call it” throughout your entire career.

Last Words Of Advice!

Building a strong professional image and leader brand, as soon as you step into your new position, is detrimental to career success.

 

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

 

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7 Steps To Be A Positive Leader In Adversity

From workplace bullying to job loss, from an unsatisfied customer to a tough team, from company crisis to personal drama, adversity often catches us by surprise.

Indeed, we never see it coming. If you are a leader, you will definitely be subjected to it and will have to learn how to wear adversity like a badge of honor.

Wondering how to stay positive in the face of adversity?

7 Steps To Be A Positive Leader In Adversity

Why be positive?

Without adversity, we wouldn’t do, create anything or grow as people.

The most effective way to deal with adversity is to stop worrying, to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude.

People enjoy positive people and are most likely to help them. Positive people:

  • Are able to overcome adversity.
  • Are high performers.
  • Are most satisfied with their relationships.
  • Focus on the future and are resilient.
  • Focus on their strengths.
  • Have clear goals. They actively work towards their goals and understand that they can change the outcome of a situation.
  • Have control over their lives and see stress as a small bump in the road.
  • Know that their mood can be controlled.
  • Don’t waste their time and energy on drama.

When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say “why me”, say “try me”. Click To Tweet

There are a few strategies to keep your composure and maintain a sense of self.

#1. Assess the situation

Adverse situations are necessary and often come out of the blue.

Sometimes, the situation is not as bad as it seems.

The first step is to identify the origin of the situation and the possible outcomes.

Then, assess the criticality of the situation.

Finally, come up with different potential solutions to your problem.

#2. Change your mindset

Once, you have assessed the situation, it is detrimental to accept your reality, let go of the past and rework your perceptions of adversity.

You can tell yourself that there are always solutions to a problem, that your situation is not as bad as it seems, is only temporary, or can be an opportunity in disguise.

In addition, to change your mindset:

  1. Visualize yourself beyond your situation.
  2. Be grateful for what you have. There are people who are in worse situations than you are.
  3. Understand that your situation is temporary and that you are passing through and will come out safe.

#3. Gain control over your situation

Staying organized and focused will help you gain more control over your situation.

  1. Focus on what you can do and measure your progress.
  2. Write down your task for the day in order of importance so you can focus on it.
  3. Learn your job and become an expert in your field.
  4. Learn to say no without having to explain yourself. There are different ways to politely express refusal. “I’ll think about it”, “I’ll get back to you”, “I have a prior engagement”…

#4. Gain control over yourself

Adversity makes everything seems out of control and generates a lot of extreme emotions.

Keeping your composure requires a lot of emotional discipline. To do so, take care of your mind, body and soul.

Take care of body

Exercise to keep your confidence up and to quiet your mind.

Take care of your mental health

  1. Work on your mental health.
  2. Take time off and stay in a quiet place to meditate, to make peace with yourself, to cope with your problem, to sleep.
  3. Quickly identify your thought pattern.
  4. Express your facts, emotions and your adversity in writing.
  5. Write down your past achievements and what you did to overcome past obstacles as well.

#5. Keep your vision alive

To stay positive, you must keep your goals and your vision alive.

In doing so, remember your mission statement, your purpose and the reasons why you have joined the company.

#6. Maintain your sense of humor

Making fun of your problems can help you understand them and alleviate your load.

Maintaining your sense of humor in times of adversity is a conscious choice. To do so:

  • Have a good laugh and make fun of yourself.
  • Try to start your day with a smile on your face.
  • Look around and find things that will make you smile.
  • Be kind to other people, compliment them and put a smile on their face.
  • Give back to your team or to your community.

#7. Muster up a strong support system

Your relationships are what will get you through in hard times. That’s why you don’t have to shut yourself off and you must:

  • Surround yourself with successful and positive people.
  • Take the time to vent and talk things through with someone you trust.
  • Ensure that you make time for intimacy.

Last Words Of Advice!

It is important for you to know when it is time to move on.

Moving on doesn’t mean that you are weak or that you cannot handle yourself.

It simply means that you have control over your decisions, that value your health and sanity more than your job, that you understand life and are at peace with yourself.

Furthermore, remember that:

  1. You are only human.
  2. You are not the only one going through adversity.
  3. Your story can help someone overcome theirs.
  4. Your past mistakes don’t define who you are.
  5. You must not take your problems personally.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

Kim Scott

MEET THE AUTHORKim Scott teaches leadership seminars and has been at the head of major companies.

Kim Scott is also the author of the best selling book Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean.

12 Signs Of A Toxic Leader

Unfortunately, we have all experienced toxic leadership at some point in our career.

Toxic workplaces and toxic leadership foster because the leader is either encouraging it, participating in it or ignoring it.

Toxic leaders are corrosive on the long run. They erode their employees confidence, motivation, productivity, trust, loyalty and respect.

Wondering if you are a toxic leader or are in the presence of one?

12 Signs Of A Toxic Leader

12 Signs Of A Toxic Leader

#1. Toxic leaders retain useful information

Knowledge is power and toxic leaders know that.

The longer they can keep you in the dark, the longer they have control over you and the longer they stay in power.

In fact, leaders who retain information are insecure and are afraid of being replaced.

#2. Toxic leaders abuse their power and authority

Any chance that they get, toxic leaders need to remind you that they are in power and that they have leverage (financial leverage most of the time) over you.

This type of leaders have huge egos, consider that their employees are subordinates, and do not care who they have to step over to get what they want.

#3. Toxic leaders micromanage their employees

They don’t give people the time or the space to do their job. Instead, they breath down people’s neck.

In fact, micromanaging leaders are counterproductive and create a stressful work environment.

Which, in turn, slows down team work and efficiency.

#4. Toxic leaders condone poor behavior

They accept poor behavior from their team as long as the team produces results.

For example, they would tolerate workplace bullying if it would bring their team closer together.

In turn, they use fear and diverse punishments to incentivize their team.

#5. Toxic leaders manipulate and play aggressive office politics

They play mind games, use information about you against you, love to manipulate and gas light their own team just to stay in power and to advance their career.

#6. Toxic leaders shift responsibility

They talk about accountability but when push comes to shoves they avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Besides, when things are great, they take credit for your success. When things go bad, they question your abilities and your failures.

#7. Toxic leaders give orders and don’t expect feedback

For them, it is their way or the high way.

They expect you to follow orders whether that order is right or wrong, whether that order benefits them or not.

The truth is they think that they know best but they actually don’t.

#8. Toxic leaders lie for no reason

They backtrack, bend the rules, adjust procedures, make up stories and rumors to for their needs.

They do not care about the impact of their words and create a culture of distrust.

#9. Toxic leaders protect the status quo

They deeply believe in hierarchy.

They don’t promote change or push innovative ideas.

In addition, they are locked in a particular era, in a particular setting. They don’t wish to modernize or adapt to change.

#10. Toxic leaders are overly emotional

They dramatize everything, have a temper and haven’t got a hold of it.

Their mood usually fluctuates throughout the day.

As a result, their behavior makes people walk on eggshells around them.

#11. Toxic leaders are passive aggressive

Either they play nice to your face and stab you in the back.

Or, they hold their feelings in and act it out instead.

Passive aggressiveness is very difficult to deal with as they don’t offer you any type of resolve.

#12. Toxic leaders lack core values

These leaders are entitled and self-serving.

They do not care about people and put their own interest first, no matter what.

Last Words Of Advice!

Toxic leaders often scare away their best employees.

Toxic leaders are simply fooling themselves because they live in constant fear.

They are afraid of losing control, of losing power, of seeming inferior, of being replaceable…

Furthermore, they let their fear control them and influence their behavior.

It is not necessary for you to play into their hands:

  • Learn from your experiences, about yourself and your limits. You can always extract lessons from a negative experience.
  • Emotionally and physically discipline yourself. Don’t lose your cool. By loosing your cool, you are giving them power over you.
  • Don’t take things personally and don’t let their problems become yours. It’s not about you but it’s all about them.
  • Find emotional support outside of work.
  • Keep your dignity. Don’t let other people actions define your character.

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

15 Signs It’s Time To Quit Your Job

Though people have to be financially responsible, they give themselves the opportunity to explore and to search for a job that will make them happy.

Needless to say, quitting your job is a big decision, an exciting yet scary endeavor.

On one hand, we remember that we have to survive and pay the bills. On the other hand, we no longer have to put up with bad decisions, poor workmanship and slow processes.

Wondering how to recognize when it’s time to quit your job and how to effectively develop an exit strategy?

15 Signs It's Time To Quit Your Job

People give themselves the opportunity to explore and to search for a job that will make them happy. Click To Tweet

15 Signs It’s Time To Quit

Sometimes, we are in way over our heads, other times we just want to collect that paycheck and nothing else. It becomes hard to notice the signs that it’s time to quit.

You know it’s time to quit when:

#1. You Desperately Look For Reasons To Quit

Your job has become a problem and is weighing heavy on your shoulder. You feel it in your bones and your desire to quit roams your brain all day.

At this point, anything would justify your desire to quit.

If you don’t get your morning coffee, then it’s time to quit.

If your train runs late, then it’s time to quit.

If there is too much traffic today, then it’s definitely time to quit.

#2. You Believe The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side

You are low-key envious of people who quit their job and who start their own business ventures.

#3. You Are Burnt Out

When it’s time to quit, your intuition will usually let you know in advance that something is wrong.

If you don’t pay attention to your intuition, your mind ill start to go in overdrive.

Finally, your body will suffer the repercussion.

You are burnt out if:

  • You are doing your best on the job but your best doesn’t seem to be enough.
  • You don’t have the energy or the time to do your work.
  • Your physical health suffers. working out doesn’t help anymore and you have probably put on weight.
  • You don’t pay attention to your personal grooming.

#4. You Require A Better Work Life Balance

You bring your job home and incessantly complain about it.

You don’t take care of yourself or your family.

You believe that you deserve a better work-life balance.

#5. You Are Depressed Every Sunday Night

Sunday nights are extremely depressing because you remember your past week and  because you dread Monday mornings.

#6. You Are Underperforming

You are underperforming and are making too many mistakes on things that you used to be good at.

You have been unable to reach deadlines, to defend your progress and perspectives.

You constantly look for distraction from your work environment whether you are on or off the job.

Furthermore, you don’t care about your workplace performance, your reputation, your well-being, the opinion of your coworkers, and the respect for our boss is gone.

#7. You Are Undervalued And Underutilized

You feel underappreciated and are bored to death.

You have no voice within the organization.

You don’t feel like your strengths and weaknesses are being adequately used.

#8. You Take Too Many Breaks

You have been absent and keep taking more absence leaves that you used to.

Basically, you cannot wait for the day to end.

You plan your breaks, your lunches and your vacations before you even start your workday. You obsess about your vacations and your mental health depends on them.

You go to the bathroom too often and take too many calls out of your office.

#9. You Just Don’t Fit In

Working gives us the means to survive and is quasi inevitable.

You need more freedom to express yourself and the company culture does not allow your form of expression.

#10. Your Job Does Not Align With Your Life Purpose

You spent time studying for a degree, graduated and your college degree doesn’t match your job description.

In addition, you don’t understand your task, get no satisfaction from doing your job and you start questioning the purpose of your job.

#11. You Cannot Project Yourself In The Future

There are no growth opportunities to evolve, to move towards a new position, to learn new skills.

You cannot project yourself in the future because you have other plans for your future, your leadership vision is not being executed, your life is changing but your salary isn’t, your colleagues are getting better paid than you do or because you have been passed up for promotion too many times.

#12. Your Social Life Is Affected

Your social life is stunted and your relationships are strained.

You don’t want to bring up work with your friends and family.

Conversations about work with people you enjoy depress you, project you in negative thoughts and negative emotions overwhelm you.

You are not a complainer but you start complaining NON STOP about your job. You bring up the subject with whomever even when it doesn’t matter.

#13. The Ethics On Your Job Are Questionable

You work in a toxic environment:

  • Your higher-ups and your organization generally lack ethics.
  • Your core leadership values don’t align with those of your organization.
  • You experience an emotional rollercoaster daily.
  • You are perpetually in fight or flight mode. You are either looking for conflict or hiding from everyone and everything.
  • You are being bullied, your self-esteem is continually being attacked and your ethics are daily challenged.
  • You suddenly cannot stand your colleagues and find faults in everything that they do.

#14. Your Leader Is Out Of Control

Employees don’t leave a job, they leave bad bosses. 

You don’t admire or respect your leaders. You don’t ask them for advice anymore and question their decisions.

#15. Your Organization Is Laying People Off

Your organization is facing serious financial difficulties and you think that you will get laid off.

You have to financially take care of yourself and quit.

There are two options after quitting your job: either you find another one or you create one. Just remember that not all workplaces are the same.

Developing An Exit Strategy

Sometimes, we have reached our limits and it’s time to quit. However, it’s always important to develop an exit strategy.

  1. Examine your mental, physical and emotional health.
  2. Take time off to think about yourself. Identify your core values, your purpose, your strengths and weaknesses.
  3. Evaluate your motivations to stay on the job. Look around for clues that it’s time to quit your job. You can do a pros and cons list.
  4. Think about the consequences of leaving your job.
  5. Plan your future before quitting. It is imperative that you:
    • Analyze your skill sets and check which ones you wish to develop.
    • Find out which field you wish to work in and discuss it with people who are in your field of preference.
    • Proactively look for another job. Keep looking for job and applying online while you are still employed. It is recommended to discreetly find a new job before moving on to the new one.
    • Pick your next profession with care.
    • Build a solid vision.
    • Prepare yourself for the next opportunity and get rid of past baggage.
  6. Be comfortable with change and embrace the unknown.
  7. Speak to your close friends and family about your decision. Ultimately, you know what is best for you.
  8. Be confident in your decision, acknowledge that there is no shame in quitting and understand that there is no perfect time to quit.
  9. Leave on good terms even though you hated your job.

Last Words Of Advice!

Quitting your job doesn’t mean being jobless, giving up on yourself or that you have failed altogether. During the quitting process, it is detrimental to grow internally, to keep yourself busy and stay on purpose.

Furthermore, you can either go after your dreams or help someone else build their own.

If you don't build your dream someone will hire you to help build theirs.” Tony Gaskins Click To Tweet

Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!

Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living a Good Life By Mark Manson

All day, we are bombarded with things that we are supposed to care about. In the end, we are made to think that we should care about those things.

Therefore, we constantly feel the need to look for better in order to impress, to feel insecure, to fake emotions, to compare ourselves with others and to live a “good” life.

Truthfully, to be successful, to live a good life and to overcome those feelings, it is detrimental to confront painful emotions, to care less about pain and to care more about what is important.

The Meaning To Not Giving A F**k

Caring too much about futile things is a sign that you don’t have anything better going on in your life. However, not caring is liberating. By caring less, Mark Manson means:

  • Stop trying so hard and stop investing too much energy in things.
  • Pursue failures and not  success, pain and not pleasure. Failures eventually lead to success and confronting negativity leads to growth.
  • Embrace negative emotions and use your pain as a tool.
  • Take action even though your circumstances and emotions are overwhelming.
  • Discern the situations and the people who matter.
  • Understand that life is short and there is no time to waste on futility.
  • Be authentic and “comfortable with being different”.
  • Choose something to care about that matters more than adversity.

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living a Good Life By Mark Manson

How To Not Giving A F**k?

There are a few principles to practice in order to care less:

  1. Understand that pain is inevitable, incessant yet it is necessary. It triggers change and helps us avoid making the same mistakes.
  2. Understand that you cannot control everything and that life will always throw you curve balls. Everything in life requires sacrifice.
  3. Understand that you’ll be fine no matter what.
  4. Don’t base your life and reactions on your emotions.
  5. Don’t repress your emotions. Instead, use your negative emotions to motivate you and to do better.
  6. Take action in order to create positive emotions.
  7. Accept yourself. Get comfortable with yourself and with failure. It doesn’t make sense to avoid failure. Failure is painful but it boosts change and welcomes success.
  8. Control your thoughts.
  9. Change your values to build your character.
  10. We all care about something and it’s impossible not to. You must just figure out what level of pain you are willing to sustain.
  11. Acknowledge that if some people take you seriously and consider you as a change agent, others will make fun at you and see you as an embarrassment.
  12. Take responsibility for your problems and for your experiences.
  13. Acknowledge your ignorance or lack of knowledge. Invest in your personal growth nad challenge your beliefs.
  14. Don’t avoid rejection. Learn to handle rejection and to say no in return.
  15. Be conscious of your own death. Don’t be afraid of your own death. Let the possibility of death transform you and give your life meaning.

Review

To be frank, I heard a lot about The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k By Mark Manson. Not only was I intrigued by the title but by the press around this book.

As the year goes by, we see the emergence of a lot of books with a colorful language. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k By Mark Manson is a motivational book that encourages transformation. It promotes the need to be honest with yourself, to determine your limitations, your strengths and weaknesses.

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k is a funny book with far-fetched metaphors. Yet, it is honest about itself. It:

  • Warns us to be selective on the things that we care about.
  • Promotes the concept of not caring about what people think, of not letting people or our emotions overwhelm you.
  • Denounces life’s false expectations and disillusion.
  • Demonstrates how life is imperfect.
  • Stops you from seeking for outside validation, searching for bigger and better, living in the superlatives, from trying to impress, from maintaining appearances, feeling the need to prove ourselves to society and from promoting a fake life on social media.

Besides the use of colorful language, it is very similar to the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less by Greg Mckeown.

It is written as motivation for millennials, for overthinkers, for chronic worriers and for the overly emotional for whom not caring would be liberating.

Let me know below what you think about this book!

Favorite quote(s)

Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the same thing.

The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And,
paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive
experience.

This book will help you think a little bit more clearly about what you’re choosing to find important in life and what you’re choosing to find unimportant.

We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change.

Ratings 3/5

Author

Mark Manson