#6. When You Find Your Purpose or Renew Your Vision
You need to know why you work and your team needs to know why they work for you.
It is the vision that leads you and propels you forward, that wakes you up in the morning, that drives your performance, that is communicated to your employees, that gives meaning to your actions and decisions, and that leans on your belief systems.
Leaders with a vision are ambitious and satisfied with their lives, become hopeful and optimistic about the future, invite change, and select their employees according to their strengths and not their weaknesses.
They are also daring and don’t fear failure, are emotionally invested in their goals, flexible, persistent, resistant to social pressure and are convinced of their future success.
You have experienced different cultures and are now culturally sensitive.
Cultural sensitivity is being aware that everyone is not the same. It means being able to learn from different people, to understand their backgrounds, to collaborate and cooperate with them, without being judgmental.
Cultural sensitivity means viewing everyone as a unique individual. It promotes unity and has become a skill that is most useful in the world of today.
You are now capable of adapting your leadership and communication style to every single member of your team.
You are also capable of shifting the focus from yourself to your team.
#9. When You Thought You Knew It All
Not because you are the leader, that you have all the solutions or are always right.
In fact, being a leader is being placed in a position of service and humility.
To be a humble leader:
Be confident about your own capabilities.
Take the time to think and to come up with a solution.
Understand that being a leader is not about being right.
Give people the time to think for themselves and to make their own mistakes.
Acknowledge that someone on your team may have better ideas than you do.
Learn to ask for help and to detect if someone needs help.
Learn to ponder your responses.
#10. When You Have Foot In The Mouth Syndrome
Sometimes, we say whatever comes to our mind.
Other times, we blurt out things that we don’t mean but we haven’t measured the real impact of our words.
In these moments, we understand that we should be quiet, that we should learn to speak less and listen more.
#11. When You Get Caught Up In Office Politics
Office politics is often badly perceived because it can be cruel, calculated and manipulative.
Sometimes, office politics is a dangerous and corrosive game but it is a game. It is part of human nature, a social activity, a marathon and not a sprint.
Other times, properly navigating office politics can give you access to leadership opportunities and promotion.
Once you have experienced office politics, you become aware of the power play, of how you speak and listen to people.
You start making sure that you are robust, are not dependent on people or other external factors, that you are emotionally detached from your work and that you can clearly separate your identity from your job.
#12. When You Have To Deal With Toxic Coworkers
We all have been exposed during a period of time to annoying, hateful, toxic coworkers who can drive us crazy.
Whether it’s confronting a team member about their behavior or their performance, toxic coworkers can take a toll on you.
However, it can also help you grow and become a better leader.
#13. When You Have Identified Your Core Leadership Values
Core values are principles that build your character and that define who you are deep down.
In life and in the workplace, your core values will definitely be put to the test.
For example, some people will not hesitate to lie on you or to sabotage your work to advance their career.
Consolidating your core leadership values requires hard work, determination, daily practice and self-discipline.
#14. When You Welcome Change
If you have experienced drastic change in the workplace, you know that is better not to resist it.
Change is a part of life, is a constant and is inevitable. Change shakes things up, disrupts old habits, breathes new life into the workplace and into any project.
Furthermore, it has the ability to stimulate interest in your job. It also creates an opportunity for promotion and to develop new skills.
Stress has a direct impact on the corporate culture, on the leader’s leadership style, performance, and health.
People express stress differently: some people get angry, some get exhausted and withdrawn, and others go into fight or flight mode.
11 Best Strategies For Leaders To Fight Workplace Stress
There are several ways to remain calm under pressure, manage your stress and use it to your advantage.
#1. Be more self-aware & develop your emotional discipline
It becomes critical to always take a step back from a situation, seek deeper insights in your thoughts and behaviors to identify stress triggers, weigh out the outcomes of the situation. How important is this situation for you?
Working gives us the means to survive and is quasi inevitable.
You need more freedom to express yourself and the company culture does not allow your form of expression.
#10. Your Job Does Not Align With Your Life Purpose
You spent time studying for a degree, graduated and your college degree doesn’t match your job description.
In addition, you don’t understand your task, get no satisfaction from doing your job and you start questioning the purpose of your job.
#11. You Cannot Project Yourself In The Future
There are no growth opportunities to evolve, to move towards a new position, to learn new skills.
You cannot project yourself in the future because you have other plans for your future, your leadership vision is not being executed, your life is changing but your salary isn’t, your colleagues are getting better paid than you do or because you have been passed up for promotion too many times.
#12. Your Social Life Is Affected
Your social life is stunted and your relationships are strained.
You don’t want to bring up work with your friends and family.
Conversations about work with people you enjoy depress you, project you in negative thoughts and negative emotions overwhelm you.
You are not a complainer but you start complaining NON STOP about your job. You bring up the subject with whomever even when it doesn’t matter.
#13. The Ethics On Your Job Are Questionable
You work in a toxic environment:
Your higher-ups and your organization generally lack ethics.
Evaluate your motivations to stay on the job. Look around for clues that it’s time to quit your job. You can do a pros and cons list.
Think about the consequences of leaving your job.
Plan your future before quitting. It is imperative that you:
Analyze your skill sets and check which ones you wish to develop.
Find out which field you wish to work in and discuss it with people who are in your field of preference.
Proactively look for another job. Keep looking for job and applying online while you are still employed. It is recommended to discreetly find a new job before moving on to the new one.
Pick your next profession with care.
Build a solid vision.
Prepare yourself for the next opportunity and get rid of past baggage.
Be comfortable with change and embrace the unknown.
Speak to your close friends and family about your decision. Ultimately, you know what is best for you.
Be confident in your decision, acknowledge that there is no shame in quitting and understand that there is no perfect time to quit.
Leave on good terms even though you hated your job.
Last Words Of Advice!
Quitting your job doesn’t mean being jobless, giving up on yourself or that you have failed altogether. During the quitting process, it is detrimental to grow internally, to keep yourself busy and stay on purpose.
Furthermore, you can either go after your dreams or help someone else build their own.
All leaders must identify and set their core values before accepting a leadership position, before developing an organization or before joining a company culture.
Leaders with strong core values induce an ethical and healthy workplace.
However, when leaders lack character, they create conflict, mistreat employees, belittle customers, focus on results rather than build healthy relationships, allow sabotage and aggressive below the belt office politics. Subsequently, they then create a toxic environment.
Wondering how to identify and strengthen your core values?
What are core values?
Core values are principles that build your character and that define who you are deep down.
They are fundamental beliefs that guide you in life and at work, that drive your behavior and that gather things about you that you truly care about.
Core values are based on your culture, your systems of beliefs and what you learnt from your childhood.
In addition, core values guide leaders in any environment and in every situation.
They are principles by which leaders and organizations operate. They are transmitted to employees via the corporate culture, are shared from one generation to another.
Think about what you would do if you were financially free and had no cares in the world.
Analyze which workplace you thrive best and feel your best in.
Evaluate your greatest accomplishments.
Observe where and with whom you wish to spend your time.
Identify what you cannot live without.
Understand the lessons you have learnt from your failures.
To strengthen your core leadership values?
List your core values, write them down and give examples of your core values in action. Everyone has a list of at least 5 values that they hold on to, that facilitate their responsibilities and ease their problems.
Remind yourself daily of your core values through a vision board or positive affirmations.
Align all your decisions with your core leadership values. When your values don’t align with your decisions, you start feeling uncomfortable, emotionally triggered and in conflict with yourself.
Communicate your core values to your employees. A company without core values is a toxic environment.
Put your values to the test in life, at work and within your organization. Core values often show themselves when we face adversity. If someone tells you or forces you to believe that life is unfair and you wholeheartedly rebel against that thought, then your core value is definitely fairness.
Empower other people to find their own core values.
Last Words Of Advice!
Leaders must be convinced of their vision and committed to their core values.
However, some core values are harder to apply than others. They demand more effort than others. So, don’t give up!
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
All day, we are bombarded with things that we are supposed to care about. In the end, we are made to think that we should care about those things.
Therefore, we constantly feel the need to look for better in order to impress, to feel insecure, to fake emotions, to compare ourselves with others and to live a “good” life.
Truthfully, to be successful, to live a good life and to overcome those feelings, it is detrimental to confront painful emotions, to care less about pain and to care more about what is important.
The Meaning To Not Giving A F**k
Caring too much about futile things is a sign that you don’t have anything better going on in your life. However, not caring is liberating. By caring less, Mark Manson means:
Stop trying so hard and stop investing too much energy in things.
Pursue failures and not success, pain and not pleasure. Failures eventually lead to success and confronting negativity leads to growth.
Embrace negative emotions and use your pain as a tool.
Take action even though your circumstances and emotions are overwhelming.
Discern the situations and the people who matter.
Understand that life is short and there is no time to waste on futility.
Be authentic and “comfortable with being different”.
Choose something to care about that matters more than adversity.
How To Not Giving A F**k?
There are a few principles to practice in order to care less:
Understand that pain is inevitable, incessant yet it is necessary. It triggers change and helps us avoid making the same mistakes.
Understand that you cannot control everything and that life will always throw you curve balls. Everything in life requires sacrifice.
Understand that you’ll be fine no matter what.
Don’t base your life and reactions on your emotions.
Don’t repress your emotions. Instead, use your negative emotions to motivate you and to do better.
Take action in order to create positive emotions.
Accept yourself. Get comfortable with yourself and with failure. It doesn’t make sense to avoid failure. Failure is painful but it boosts change and welcomes success.
Control your thoughts.
Change your values to build your character.
We all care about something and it’s impossible not to. You must just figure out what level of pain you are willing to sustain.
Acknowledge that if some people take you seriously and consider you as a change agent, others will make fun at you and see you as an embarrassment.
Take responsibility for your problems and for your experiences.
Acknowledge your ignorance or lack of knowledge. Invest in your personal growth nad challenge your beliefs.
Don’t avoid rejection. Learn to handle rejection and to say no in return.
Be conscious of your own death. Don’t be afraid of your own death. Let the possibility of death transform you and give your life meaning.
To be frank, I heard a lot about The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k By Mark Manson. Not only was I intrigued by the title but by the press around this book.
As the year goes by, we see the emergence of a lot of books with a colorful language. The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k By Mark Manson is a motivational book that encourages transformation. It promotes the need to be honest with yourself, to determine your limitations, your strengths and weaknesses.
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F**k is a funny book with far-fetched metaphors. Yet, it is honest about itself. It:
Warns us to be selective on the things that we care about.
Promotes the concept of not caring about what people think, of not letting people or our emotions overwhelm you.
Denounces life’s false expectations and disillusion.
Demonstrates how life is imperfect.
Stops you from seeking for outside validation, searching for bigger and better, living in the superlatives, from trying to impress, from maintaining appearances, feeling the need to prove ourselves to society and from promoting a fake life on social media.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explains the reasons why we are afraid of being vulnerable, the different ways we protect ourselves from vulnerability, and how to become more vulnerable in our society.
Daring Greatly means being vulnerable, being engaged, being exposed and avoiding being perfect.
A Narcissistic Society
Many researchers have shown that the American culture has turned into a narcissistic influenced culture, a culture of scarcity, a culture where people put themselves first, think that they are special, are always connected to social media, go after money and power, chase beauty and other vanity, compare themselves, are disengaged and concerned with the idea of lacking.
Instead of putting sown narcissistic people and showing them that they are not special, it is better to seek understanding and find the root of the problem.
Being narcissistic stems from a feeling of not being enough and of being ordinary.
Vulnerability & The Feeling Of Not Being Enough
The feeling of not being enough brings about shame and stops us from being vulnerable. Shame is a universal emotion, is corrosive, “keeps us small, resentful and afraid”.
Furthermore, we become disengaged when we are too afraid to be vulnerable, when we are ashamed, when we lack purpose, when a social contract is not met.
It is critical to speak out on your shame, to be self-aware, to know your self-worth, to ask and receive feedback because knowing your worth will help you become more vulnerable.
To eradicate the feeling of shame:
Identify your shame triggers.
Observe your self talk.
Accept your experiences.
Share your experience, be vulnerable with someone who genuinely cares about you.
Common Misconceptions About Vulnerability
We are thought not to be vulnerable, not to show our emotions, to look down on those who do. There are several misconceptions when it comes to vulnerability.
Misconception #1: “Vulnerability is weakness”
The reality is vulnerability is not a weakness, is not good or bad. Vulnerable is the origin of all emotions. It therefore becomes important to acknowledge your vulnerability.
Besides, the people who think that they are impenetrable are in fact the most vulnerable.
Misconception #2: “I don’t do vulnerability”
Vulnerability is unavoidable. When we try to avoid it, we often exhibit unusual inconsistent behaviors.
Misconception #3: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out”
You cannot be vulnerable with everyone. It is important to build trust and boundaries before being vulnerable. Otherwise, more times than ever, you will end up getting betrayed and hurt.
Misconception #4: “We can go it alone”
Individualism and going it alone are highly regarded in American culture. In this case, it is essential to construct a support system, to ask for and receive help
Shame As A Management Tool
Most of the time, shame and the blame game are used as management tool, yet is ineffective.
Subsequently, the situations that we face on a daily basis, in the education system, in the workplace, force us to keep our head down and our mouth shut which doesn’t encourage innovation, creativity or the learning process.
Vulnerability & Protective Mechanism
Our protective mechanisms are survival strategies, used to shield our vulnerability. Those shields can go from foreboding joy, to perfectionism to numbing down your emotions.
To avoid shielding vulnerability, it is critical to:
Appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
Confront your emotions.
Live a more fulfilling life and feed your spirit.
Focus your time and energy on the essentials.
Consider how your behavior affect those around you.
Shield #1: Victim mentality
Some people go through life with a victim or perpetrator, win or lose mentally and subsequently fall into one of these categories.
Surprisingly, the people who have been through the most trauma, demonstrate the most resilience. And, people who don’t feel like victims or perpetrators, see themselves as thrivers.
Shield #2: “Floodlighting”
Floodlighting is essentially oversharing and stems from a need for confirmation and validation.
We have to be careful not to share vulnerable stories too soon with people who have not earned the right to hear them. The people on the receiving end often shut down, lack empathy or feel disconnected.
Shield #3: “The smash and grab”
With this shield, some people use vulnerability as a manipulation, sensationalizing tactic that is common in celebrity culture, as an attention seeking tool.
Shield #4: “Serpentining”
Serpentining is a draining and an avoidance behavior. It happens when people are not facing a situation head on for fear of being vulnerable, of not being present.
Shield #5: Mean-spiritedness
In this case, people use criticism, cynicism and mean-spiritedness to protect themselves. They are mean to people who dare demonstrate vulnerability.
Daring Greatly is essential to leadership, parenting, relationships, finding your purpose and your passion.
Through Daring Greatly, Brown has gathered data from people from different walks of life so we can somewhat self diagnose and become more aware of some of our toxic behavior.
Brené Brown makes some pertinent point and writes exactly like she speaks. Furthermore, Brown is very open and authentic, shares her anecdotes, fears and doubt. For example, she is vulnerable with us, mindful of the stories to share, lets us into her conversations with her therapist.
All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.
Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all—there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and
hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.
Much of the beauty of light owes its existence to the dark. The most powerful moments of our lives happen when we string together the small flickers of light created by courage, compassion, and connection and see them shine in the darkness of our struggles.