When you know who you are, you immediately become confident and feel empowered.
Indeed, you stop looking for external validation.
You start experimenting and looking for validation from only yourself.
Wondering how to figure out who you are?
1. Take an assessment test
Sometimes, you just don’t know where to start.
The good news is that there are several self-assessment tools out there to help you figure out who you are, your personality type, your core values, your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Take time off
Leaders have been conditioned through their role to take care of everyone else.
Taking time off in solitude does wonder for self-care, self-awareness and leadership development.
Solitude scares most people because they lack the courage to confront themselves.
However, only in solitude will you be able to observe yourself, identify all facets of your personality, discipline your thoughts and emotions.
3. Review your life
Writing things down allows you to review your life, keep track of your habits and observe your patterns of behavior.
It also allows you clarify and analyze your thoughts.
In addition, journaling is a great way to extact the essence of who you are and the lessons from past experiences whether they’ve been positive or negative.
4. Explore
Trying new things is a great way to explore and find out what you really like and don’t like, what you’re good or bad at, what feels right or wrong, what fuels your fire or what drains you.
Besides, this will help you acknowledge your differences, set healthy boundaries, become more discerning and do the things that you really want to do.
5. Observe your relationships
They say that you are the sum of the 5 closest people to you.
If you pay attention to your relationships, you’ll notice what you share in common and what you are made of.
Furthermore, you’ll notice who you look up to, who you relate to, what you tolerate and what you imitate.
Last Words Of Advice
Remember that an original is more valuable than a copy.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
Most Millennials and Gen Z require more out of the companies they are affiliated with.
They demand a healthy relationship with their work.
They pay closely attention to their purpose within their role, to their leadership, to what their organization does and most importantly why they do it.
What is Shared Purpose?
Shared purpose is the reason why a company, leaders, teams matter and should bond together.
Shared purpose relates to a personal mission statement, to core values, to personal motivation, to a given motivation.
Shared purpose allows for deeper understanding of overall objectives, clearer expectations of performance and code of conduct, stronger resilience in the face of adversity, job satisfaction on all levels, and better team engagement and alignment.
Need support or want to land a leadership position? Check out our website or join our weekly training program!
We host training programs all year round in Paris, France.
Hope that I’ve helped you get it together on your way to leadership!
Don’t forget to like, share and leave a comment below.
A good leader can either be an alpha or a beta woman.
The truth is that being an alpha or a beta leader doesn’t really matter and is just a way to box people in.
1. The influence of popular culture and unconscious biases
Popular culture creates the definition of alpha and beta and shapes unconscious biases.
In popular culture, women have been portrayed very differently. Movies have become critical in the opinions that women form of themselves and have about their ambitions and aspirations.
On one hand, alpha women are all we see in the media world today. Alpha women are presumably in control, career driven and are not as lovable as beta women. They are either difficult, evil or unhappy.
On the other hand, beta women are supposedly not career-driven. They would use their job to fill a void until a man comes along to improve their lives.
In reality, beta women are not necessarily timid or introverted. They just don’t push their own agenda, intend to fit in at work and bypass their own ego. They also tend to reserve their opinion for themselves, give constructive criticism, and take time to make decisions. In addition, they are emotionally intelligent, flexible, pragmatic and are able to work with different personality types.
Most of the time, if the male counterparts watch these movies or conform to popular beliefs and if women don’t exhibit leadership traits as seen on TV, then they don’t believe that women possess any leadership traits.
Furthermore, according to recent studies, alpha women who participate in meetings are seen as dominating when being dominating is a key component in alpha men leadership style. Beta men who are relaxed leaders are seen positively whereas beta women who exhibit the same trait are not even seen as leaders.
To overcome these biases, popular culture needs to be updated.
2. Success for women in the workplace
As hard as it is to quantify success, both women and men generally get confused about what success really looks like.
Often, a job and the level of success are directly related to a personality even though the personality doesn’t do the job.
Women generally set the bar too high for themselves and are unable to emulate the standard of perfection. For instance, successful women are expected to be in charge of the room, of the conversation and meetings.
Moreover, the only two women in the workplace are usually pitted against each other because men decided that there can only be one successful woman in the room.
Understand what success actually looks like and take steps towards success.
Watch their presentation, protect their identity and don’t let their workplace define them.
Check the standards set by employers, themselves and others.
Beat to the sound of their own drum.
Stay authentic. Authenticity allows you to retain a sense of self. Authenticity has allowed many people to achieve success and connect with others.
Take time to do nothing and don’t spread themselves thin.
Review
Quiet Girls Can Run the World : Owning Your Power When You’re Not the “Alpha” in the Room by Rebecca Holman is exploring the various ways that women can deal with different types of environments without compromising their sense of self.
The roles of women in the workplace lack so much nuance. Rebecca Holman is attempting to figure out if beta women can be as successful as alpha women in the workplace by comparing the traits of alpha and beta women without placing one above the other.
Quiet Girls Can Run the World : Owning Your Power When You’re Not the “Alpha” in the Room is also a hilarious guide on how to embrace who you are, how to find out what works for you without faking it, how to navigate office politics, various bosses without suppressing your identity, ambitions, needs and wants.
Being an alpha or beta leaders does not matter. What really matters is that you get to know yourself and what works for you.
Let me know below what you think about this book!
Favorite quote(s)
Success at work only looks one way. And a successful woman? She’s shouting louder than everyone else in the room. She’s stubborn and argumentative because these are signs that she’s passionate about the project at hand and cares about its success above all else. Ergo, she’s good at her job.
“the media is selling the idea that girls’ and women’s value lies in their youth, beauty, and sexuality and not in their capacity as leaders. Boys learn that their success is tied to dominance, power, and aggression. We must value people as whole human beings, not gendered stereotypes.”
It matters because women’s voices simply aren’t being heard on their own terms. Numerous studies have shown that women are interrupted far more often in meetings than men, as well as in the classroom—as a 2004 study from Harvard Law School demonstrated. And, according to a study by Princeton and Brigham Young University, if women talk 25–50 percent of the time in a professional meeting, they are seen as “dominating the conversation.
Similarly, studies show that while men in leadership positions are seen in a positive light when they demonstrate traditionally Alpha leadership traits (such as being decisive, dominating the conversation, being dogged and dogmatic in the pursuit of goals), women who demonstrate traditional Alpha leadership traits are viewed negatively by both men and women. And while men who have a more relaxed or Beta style of management are still seen in a positive light, female Beta managers aren’t considered at all—because Beta women can’t be managers. But why are we so unwilling to compare the relative merits of different personality types in female managers?
[…] our view of what a good leader looks like is limited, which can leave women feeling boxed in.
“Because, actually, if you’re looking at this volatile, complex, ambiguous world, where everything is so unpredictable, the only thing you can do is work on yourself and your own resilience to be able to cope and keep up and roll with the punches.”
How do you show the world how Alpha you are? You talk a lot and criticize everyone else. It’s a ruse as old as time (probably) and, often, it works. Most people are busy dealing with their own stuff, so they tend to assume that if people are busy dealing with their own stuff, so they tend to assume that if someone is vocal, self-assured, and sounds knowledgeable (read: has a loud voice), they must know what they’re talking about.
It’s hard to realize when you’re in an office environment that has a steep, sometimes toxic hierarchy how much time people spend trying to shore up their own positions, rather than focusing on the task at hand. When you grasp that the vast majority of office interactions are nothing to do with you, it can feel incredibly freeing.
And always remember the golden rule of office politics, which will stand you in good stead through most work crises: it’s not you, it’s them.
You just know as a black girl that you’re not allowed to be outspoken, you just know. When I had my first job, I worked for a magazine and I learned very quickly that the girls that were my age who were white were allowed to speak out. But when I did the same, there would be a throwaway comment like, ‘You don’t need to have that attitude.’ That was when I was twenty-one and I just learned very quickly that I’m not allowed to have the same sort of opinion as my white female counterparts.”
Your Best Self is unique, positive, evolved and aligned with your truth.
When you are being your best self, you are being your most authentic and at your core.
1. How to connect with your Best Self?
Connecting with your Best Self takes time and requires patience. To get in touch with your Best Self:
Express gratitude frequently to get out of a negative space. Make a gratitude list of everything that puts you in a good mood or elevates you in any kind of way.
Embrace change. Everybody can change if they want to, they just have to apply the right motivations.
Identify your fears. Once you have identified your fears, put them to the test to see if your assumptions are true, if they are rational, if they help you succeed, or if they serve your best interests.
Recognize any signs of egotistical behavior. Once you have acknowledge your behavior, assess the origins of it and get your ego in check.
2. Assessing your Best Self
“SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life”.
The SPHERES tool, create by Mike Bayer, is a screening tool used to assess your Best Self in all areas of your life.
Your social life
In the SPHERES tool, your social situation determines how well you project your Best Self to the world.
It then becomes imperative to analyze how you interact with people. You can also assess your ability to send clear messages, to listen to others, to embrace human emotions, to handle highly charged situations, to give and receive feedback.
Your personal life
Your personal life contains your self-image, your self-talk, the level of compassion and respect you have for yourself.
To create the personal life that you want, you will have to:
Rewire your brain to think positively by challenging your internal dialogue.
Get familiar with what you are constantly telling yourself.
Identify the messages you tell yourself when you are under pressure.
Log your thoughts and your self-talk, identify the common themes and tones.
Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels before they snowball. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely be able to take care of others.
Connect with your passions. Your passions will vary throughout your life. Your passions will allow you to express yourself, to strengthen your bond with your Best Self and vibrate at a higher frequency. To find your passions, explore new things, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone.
Your health
Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be present, keep a clear mind and achieve your Best Self.
Your education
Remaining in a “lifetime learning mode” will help you evolve into your Best Self and become more self-aware.
Once you find your passions, you will take pleasure in acquiring knowledge in that field.
Your Best Self will gauge who you want to be around, judge the health of a relationship and help you make the tough decisions.
In order to stay connected to your Best Self in all relationships, you must define your core values, exercise them and identify the people who live up to them.
Your employment
We spend most of our days at work.
So, when we are not able to fully be ourselves, our work life tends to become draining.
It somehow becomes important to nurture our Best Selves at work or create a career path that allows us to maximize our potential at work.
Review
In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer encourages people to be their Best Self.
In addition, Mike Bayer shares tips and tools to help you achieve your Best Self. He helps you make a diagnostic of all the aspects of your life and provides practical solutions to your problems.
Furthermore, Best Self: Be You, Only Better is a workbook that teaches you how to fix what’s inside to fix outside. It is on point when it comes to assessing people’s behavior and can conveniently be revisited several time in your life.
Best Self: Be You, Only Better is ideal for leaders who want to improve their leadership skills and bring their best selves at work. It becomes clear that if you are your best self, you can create the best teams, take care of others and create the best organization.
With this workbook:
Get in touch with your Best Self.
Reach your highest potential.
Find more balance in your life.
Evolve, change, reinvent yourself and improve your life.
Many of society’s “rules” simply don’t apply to us as individuals, and if we spend all our energy on trying to be, do, say, and act like society wants us to, we are simply wasting time we could be spending on discovering and connecting with our Best Self.
Self-care is foundational to living your ideal life.
In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer encourages people to be their Best Self.
What is your Best Self?
Your Best Self is unique, positive, evolved and aligned with your truth.
When you are being your best self, you are being your most authentic and at your core.
1. How to connect with your Best Self?
Connecting with your Best Self takes time and requires patience. To get in touch with your Best Self:
Express gratitude frequently to get out of a negative space. Make a gratitude list of everything that puts you in a good mood or elevates you in any kind of way.
Embrace change. Everybody can change if they want to, they just have to apply the right motivations.
Identify your fears. Once you have identified your fears, put them to the test to see if your assumptions are true, if they are rational, if they help you succeed, or if they serve your best interests.
Recognize any signs of egotistical behavior. Once you have acknowledge your behavior, assess the origins of it and get your ego in check.
2. Assessing your Best Self
“SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life”.
The SPHERES tool, create by Mike Bayer, is a screening tool used to assess your Best Self in all areas of your life.
Your social life
In the SPHERES tool, your social situation determines how well you project your Best Self to the world.
It then becomes imperative to analyze how you interact with people. You can also assess your ability to send clear messages, to listen to others, to embrace human emotions, to handle highly charged situations, to give and receive feedback.
Your personal life
Your personal life contains your self-image, your self-talk, the level of compassion and respect you have for yourself.
To create the personal life that you want, you will have to:
Rewire your brain to think positively by challenging your internal dialogue.
Get familiar with what you are constantly telling yourself.
Identify the messages you tell yourself when you are under pressure.
Log your thoughts and your self-talk, identify the common themes and tones.
Be compassionate with yourself. Take care of yourself and monitor your stress levels before they snowball. If you take care of yourself, you will definitely be able to take care of others.
Connect with your passions. Your passions will vary throughout your life. Your passions will allow you to express yourself, to strengthen your bond with your Best Self and vibrate at a higher frequency. To find your passions, explore new things, challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone.
Your health
Prioritizing your well-being allows you to be present, keep a clear mind and achieve your Best Self.
Your education
Remaining in a “lifetime learning mode” will help you evolve into your Best Self and become more self-aware.
Once you find your passions, you will take pleasure in acquiring knowledge in that field.
Your Best Self will gauge who you want to be around, judge the health of a relationship and help you make the tough decisions.
In order to stay connected to your Best Self in all relationships, you must define your core values, exercise them and identify the people who live up to them.
Your employment
We spend most of our days at work.
So, when we are not able to fully be ourselves, our work life tends to become draining.
It somehow becomes important to nurture our Best Selves at work or create a career path that allows us to maximize our potential at work.
Review
In Best Self: Be You, Only Better, Mike Bayer shares tips and tools to help you achieve your Best Self. He helps you make a diagnostic of all the aspects of your life and provides practical solutions to your problems.
Furthermore, Best Self: Be You, Only Better is a workbook that teaches you how to fix what’s inside to fix outside. It is on point when it comes to assessing people’s behavior and can conveniently be revisited several time in your life.
Best Self: Be You, Only Better is ideal for leaders who want to improve their leadership skills and bring their best selves at work. It becomes clear that if you are your best self, you can create the best teams, take care of others and create the best organization.
With this workbook:
Get in touch with your Best Self.
Reach your highest potential.
Find more balance in your life.
Evolve, change, reinvent yourself and improve your life.
Many of society’s “rules” simply don’t apply to us as individuals, and if we spend all our energy on trying to be, do, say, and act like society wants us to, we are simply wasting time we could be spending on discovering and connecting with our Best Self.
Self-care is foundational to living your ideal life.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gathers four “agreements” to live by to ensure a better lifestyle, a deeper understanding of life, a life in the moment.
What is an agreement?
The four agreements come from the Toltec teachings of wisdom. The goal of this book is to make each agreement a habit.
Ask for clarifications rather than making assumptions.
Remember that it is OK to ask questions.
Collect the right data about people and situations first.
Don’t assume that people can read your mind.
Ask for what you want, expect yes or no. Understand that you can say yes or no as well.
The Fourth Agreement
This fourth agreement encourages you to always “do you best” and consolidates all previous three agreements.
Purpose of the agreement
Forming the habit of always doing your best will:
Save you from harsh self-judgement.
Increase your production.
Mature your self-love.
Implementing the agreement
Keep in mind that:
Your best will fluctuate all the time. It will depend on your mood, on your energy level, on your health and on your situation.
You must take action without expecting any rewards. This way, you will be able to enjoy your actions better.
Review
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz provides a very powerful perspective on life. It encourages self-transformation, self-awareness, self acceptance, and the understanding of others.
I found out briefly that The Four Agreements, yet short, is thoughtful and goes straight to the point. It calls out society’s hypocrisy, fear and domestication.
Everyone I know who have read this book has felt elevated. It was therefore hard to resist reading it and I have to say that I did not regret it.
As you read, you will find that you already had the knowledge and the wisdom within you but have been holding it back. You will learn to trust yourself and set yourself free.
Favorite quote(s)
The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life.
Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personally.
Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally.
All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.
Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are.
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