In Confidence Plan — How To Build A Stronger You, Mastering The Practical Skills Of Winning, Tim Ursiny believes that building self-confidence does not only rely on positive self-talk, on words of affirmation, on changing our thought patterns or other mental strategies.
To build long-term confidence, Ursiny believes that we also have to develop emotional, behavioral, relational and spiritual strategies.
For Ursiny, confidence is an important factor to fulfilling our dreams, for achieving real success at work and at home, for building and maintaining healthy relationships, for understanding and communicating with others.
Recognizing the importance of confidence
Struggling with confidence either means that you suffer from low self-esteem or that you are living, working, breathing in the wrong place. If you have never suffered from lack of confidence, then you have never left your comfort zone.
Needless to say, confidence is the opposite of humility. It is the belief in our abilities to perform, to get results from our performance, in our worth and in our opinion of ourselves.
In addition, we all internal regulator that measures our level of confidence, depending on our successes and failures, that forces us to take action and that can be explained by different factors. We have a level to which we will not allow ourselves to fall or to rise. It is important to identify those levels in order to rewire our expectations and reset our internal regulator.
To recognize the importance of confidence:
- Learn from adversity. Through resilience, “quality that allows us to pick ourselves back up after experiencing hardship or trauma”, you grow your confidence despite failure.
- Embrace your past, enjoy your success, get over past failures and learn from your mistakes. People who hide or don’t observe their past tend to repeat the same mistakes and miss out on opportunities.
- Assess your current abilities, behaviors, habits, blind spots, strengths and weaknesses. Welcome feedback from trusted people around you and make the needed changes.
- Stay focused on your vision and be optimistic that you are going to get there.
- Work on your attitude. Attitudes are composed of what we think, how we feel and what we do. And, when all these aspects are aligned, we are more peaceful and more confident. Therefore, to constantly adjust your attitude:
- Watch your self talk, reward positive thinking and remind yourself of your own competencies.
- Take time off for yourself, enjoy the company of your friends and family.
- Practise future behaviors in fictional situations.
- Identify the motivations for reaching your goals and take the steps to grow.
Challenging personal comfort zones
The way we perceive ourselves or a situation can seriously impact our confidence. To challenge your personal comfort zones:
- Use different techniques to control your thoughts and to remain present. Some turn to meditation, some to God and others to religion to instill peace of mind.
- Avoid making snap judgements that create insecurities and that easily lead us into error.
- Avoid self-fulfilling prophecies and remain optimistic. Sometimes, when we believe that we can achieve something, our subconscious will arrange our actions and behaviors to match that expectation. Believing that good things will come to you will help you live a happier life.
- Don’t be your own self-critic. Use words of affirmations to motivate you and to reach higher grounds of success.
- Identify the embarrassing thoughts and seek new ones.
- Stop negative thoughts from taking root in your mind. For example, use the highly effective rubber band technique:
- Put a rubber band around your wrist.
- When negative thoughts come in, snap the rubber band.
- Tell yourself to stop the thought pattern.
- Replace the negative thought with a positive one.
Building confidence in failure
Most often, our behavior and emotional response are illogical. To gauge your emotional level of confidence and to gain sight into your emotional core:
- Evaluate your behavior in stressful situations and your relationship with compliments.
- Start journaling.
- Take responsibility for your feelings about yourself and about how others make you feel, for your successes and failures.
- Avoid negative opinions and hypothesis about people and yourself. You will end up attributing negative connotations to every single one of their behaviors and only confirming what you already belive.
- Don’t allow past hurts to define your future.
- Use visualization techniques and your 5 senses to deepen your confidence, your emotional core, to increase self-control and resilience.
Understanding the limits of self-confidence
Fears have a knack for decreasing our confidence. To understand the limits of self-confidence:
- Act more confidently so you can become more confident.
- Identify what drains you and what fills you up with energy. We usually feel stressed when there are elements out of our control because we feel less powerful than we think we are. To feel better, shift your focus on things that you can control.
- Identify the goal to grow your already existing confidence. Then, stop and measure your progress.
- Identify your fears then face your fears by gradually desensitizing and exposing yourself to them. “Confidence is not the absence of fear” but means that “fear has no control over you”.
- Avoid procrastination. Procrastination tends to intensify our fears.
- Expose yourself to embarrassment more often.
Building confidence through the 5 approaches
The culture and the people we surround ourselves with have a huge impact on our self-confidence. To grow your confidence through mental, emotional, behavioral, relational and spiritual strategies:
- Identify people who drain your confidence, that judge your abilities and capabilities. Assess their actions, learn to deal with them effectively or learn to repair the relationships.
- Find out whether or not you are draining someone else.
- Create and increase your support system that defines your social identity. In this support system, we feel more comfortable being ourselves.
- Consider how conflicts impact your confidence. Conflicts are born from prejudices, stereotypes and differences in opinion. Firstly, center yourself around your own opinion in order not to be threatened by someone else’s or to become defensive. Secondly, build relationships that promotes trust and loyalty.
- Forgive and give back to your community to help you grow.
- Invite feedback from people you trust and respect.
Transcending self-confidence
To find our higher levels of confidence, we must believe that there is something bigger that us and we must tap into our spiritual being. To transcend your self-confidence:
- Identify your purpose and higher calling. This way, you won’t accept environments and position that don’t satisfy you or that don’t play to your strengths and weaknesses.
- Examine how you can bring significance to your work, what you want to be remembered for, that mark you want to leave on earth.
- Practise what you preach.
- Develop a deeper relationship with God.
- Build a personal mission statement.
Review
Confidence Plan — How To Build A Stronger You, Mastering The Practical Skills Of Winning, by Tim Ursiny, is written for those who want a better life for themselves, a more positive vision of life, or to assess their level of confidence. It is also written for those with low self-esteem and for those who struggle with self-confidence.
Confidence Plan — How To Build A Stronger You, Mastering The Practical Skills Of Winning is transformational and can be used in our professional life as much as our personal life. Through his book, through immediate practical exercises, Tim Ursiny seeks to impact people long-term.
Tim Ursiny provides us with timely, implementable exercises that you can work on, on a daily basis. You can work on the exercises in six weeks or you can work at our own pace. It is therefore necessary for you to select the techniques and sections of the book that speak the most to you.
Favorite quote(s)
In any situation where two people are competing with relatively similar skills, the more confident person will always succeed at a greater level.
The way we view a situation can have serious ramifications. Our perceptions will often dictate what we do, how we feel, and how we interact with others.
Our minds are capable of processing a huge amount of information. This is both a plus and a minus concerning whether this information aids us or hurts us.What goes on in our minds has a powerful impact on our confidence and our behavior. Having the wrong stuff in our heads is dangerous to our success.
We cannot control what others say to us, but we definitely can impact and change what we say to ourselves.
One form of conflict is a result of prejudice and stereotypes
No matter how confident we are, no matter how successful we become, no matter how powerful we feel, there is something bigger than us.
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I know from my solar startup that emotional intelligence plays a great part in leadership.
Absolutely. Emotional intelligence is useful in the workplace and in life in general. Thank you for commenting!